EUKY BEAR: My Healing Kit

After much reflection, I decided to stay home today. I need to be a wife again and take care of my husband. He has been coughing for 2 weeks now and his cough won't go away because I generously add to his stress by bringing work home.

Last week, I bought him VICKS Vapor Rub from Mercury. But since I am pregnant, he had to apply VICKS on his own chest. It didn't really fully work. Perhaps, it needed my magical healing touch.

I read somewhere that you can't use Vicks on newborns. So to be safe, I don't touch it. I'm paranoid that way. Blame my OCD.

After our fight last Wednesday night, where I lectured my husband about Math while he was coughing, I felt the need to make it up to him.

I asked him to take a shower while I prepared my Euky Bear "Healing Kit".

Euky Bear is a popular Australia brand that offers soothing natural remedies –from steam vaporizers to inhalants, natural cough medicine and the famous Euky Bearub chest rub.

My Euky Bear Healing Kit includes the following:
1. Euky Bear Steam Vaporizer
2. Euky Bear Cleaning Tablets
3. Euky Bear Inhalant
4. Euky Bear Chest Rub

After my husband finished taking a bath, I asked him to go to bed.  I applied the Euky Bear Rub on his chest. EUKY BEAR RUB IS SAFE FOR NEWBORNS AND PREGNANT WOMEN.

Husbands and Wives Should Not Work Together

I was told by my gay best friend, that my main job as a wife is to be my husband's cheerleader. I need to  provide a comfortable home for him to come to after a hard day's work. I need to be the listening ear when he wants to rant about his employees, his boss or anyone causing him stress.

My husband feels empowered to work harder if I appreciate him. He feels more inspired when I admire him. He loves me even more when I show him respect.

My husband is a typical man. He has an ego.

I have been quite good in maintaining  harmony in our home until recently...

LEAVE AND CLEAVE: Living Separately From In-Laws

I married the eldest and only boy from a traditional Chinese family.  

Traditionally, we were expected to live with (or at least near) his parents. The  typical Filipino-Chinese set-up is: Everybody lives in one building or one big compound.

However, my husband wanted to give me a home where we can learn to adjust, make mistakes and learn on our own.

I'm lucky that my mother and father in-law are not strict. They did not demand that we live with them...even if they recently bought a 6-bedroom house in New Manila.

They also don't meddle in our affairs. They never visit our home without an invitation. They don't barge in unannounced. 

Even during our wedding preparations, my in-laws never got in the way.

I appreciate the space they have given us. 

My husband only moved out of his parent's home when we got married. I, on the other hand,  have lived alone since I was 20 years old. By the time I got married, I already owned a small condo.

Make Sure The Wife Is Happy

A man who goes home to a happy home is a man ready to face the world.

There is truth to the saying, "HAPPY WIFE, HAPPY LIFE"... especially if that wife is me.  

I have a very infectious energy.  If I am happy, the entire house or office is happy. I am the type who will organize parties, initiate activities,  fuel conversations and anything related to skillful hosting

However, if I am sad...all the curtains are closed and the house is dark. I lose my appetite and no appetite means no cooking. I don't talk. I don't have energy to meet people. The best part is, I bring everyone with me down. I am just a bundle of gloom.

When I am sad, my husband is the one most affected. He feeds on my joy and happiness just like a leech feeds on blood.

Stress And Its Many Poisons

Stress is something I was am too familiar with. Stress is my friend. I love the feeling of being stressed and I'm actually more productive when I am under pressure.

But my body doesn't love stress as much as I do.  I lose weight. I get dark circles under my eyes. I can't sleep. These are the usual physical manifestations of stress on me.

Back in my heydays, my favorite poisons to cure stress are the following:

1. Coffee- I drank around 3-6 cups a day
2. Wine-  I drank 2-3 glasses a night
3. Melatonin
4. ZZZquil


I drank coffee to wake me up. I drank wine to relax me. I took melatonin or ZZZquil to make me sleep.

And I functioned very well in my professional life. Sure my immune system was out of whack, but I was very productive at work. I didn't really care much. I was young.

Fast forward to now. I am pregnant and very healthy. I eat brown rice, veggies. I have said good-bye to coffee, wine, coke, juice. I no longer eat cakes as much as I used to. I sleep 8-12 hours a day. I do yoga and power walk. I've never been healthier in my life.

Then, there's my husband. He decided that he doesn't want stress to lose a client, so he enrolled himself in the program.

He has a different poison of choice: SMOKING.

My husband is not a chain-smoker. He smokes smoked when he got stressed. But, he frequently gets stressed.

And stress will never go away.

So,  a couple of weeks ago, I finally reached that point of indifference. I said...

" It's unfair that after you convinced me to get pregnant, you are now trying to kill yourself. Why then bother to start a family if you don't plan on staying long enough? I better work again to make sure I can take care of our family when you are gone."

That approach is called: PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE.  It works most of the time.

I added...

" Look, stress is never going away. It's just a question of what poison who wish to cure it with. So here's something to replace your smoking." 

 Then I gave him a new peculator and I set up a nice coffee corner beside his desk.

So now, he drinks 4-5 cups. He will probably get gastric problems from this. But  I tell you, when it comes to stress, you either get rid of the cause or you find another poison to deal with it.

How about you? How do you deal with stress?

Indifferent,

L

On Being A Daughter-In-Law

Last December 25, I invited both my parents and my in-laws to have Christmas Dinner in my house. 

On top of the food my mom brought from Iloilo, my brother also made crown roast and ratatouille.

He said, ratatouille is what laswa is to a French. It's a humble vegetable dish.

In the middle of dinner, while we were waiting for the roast, I gave gifts and Christmas cards to my parents and my in-laws. Then, I asked that they open their gifts at the same time. I wanted to show that I love and treat both sets equally.

The following day, papa told me that I need to serve food to my husband and my in-laws.  He added that I should serve them the way my mom served my grandparents. 

My mom then shared that she would give my ama sponge baths when she was sick and she would always be their "alalay" when they would go out of town every weekend. She said that while they were alive, she served my grandparents more than their own children ever did.

Papa told me that now that I am married, I belong to my husband's family.  They, on the other hand, will be at the mercy of my brother's future wife. He said, "Hopefully, she will take care of us the same way as you took care of us."

Hmmm...this is where my values do not align with my parents.

I think theirs is a very traditional Chinese way.

I have done many focus group discussions among Filipina moms and wives. Filipina women are very strong matriachs. I know that usual tensions are the following:

1. Transfer of financial support

2. Mother-in-law (MIL)feels wife doesn't take care of her son very well

3. Daughter-in-law (DIL) feels MIL is meddling too much

4. Both MIL and DIL competing for affection 

Given what I know, I feel that my role as a daughter-in-law is to ensure that I don't take husband away from his family and to show his parents that I take care of him very well. 

I tell my husband to spend time with his mother, just the two of them. My MIL had a very difficult pregnancy. My husband took 3 years to make! The least he can do is to maintain that bond with his mother even after he is married. Sometimes, when boys fall inlove, they can only focus on one woman.

I tell him to visit his family even when I'm not with him.  But ofcourse, I join him when we visit during Sundays, albeit not regularly. 

If I hear my husband sound frustrated at his parents, I remind him to respect and understand them. 

I remind my husband to buy them gifts or take them out for their birthdays.

The way I see, I should not take the place of my husband and his sisters because parents want to feel love from their own children.

I also do not expect my husband to take care of my parents. In fact, when my parents visit from Iloilo, I do not drag him with us. Sure he drives us around but when we get to the mall, I tell him that he doesn't need to tag along.  I also want to bond with my own parents and share my life with them, not worrying if my husband will get offended.

If we visit Iloilo, I actually don't mind of my husband doesn't join us all the time  because he won't understand the conversation anyway. 

But still, he joins us. And still, I join them even if when his family talks in Fookien, all I hear are "crickets". 

I think my role as a daughter-in-law is to give my in-laws peace of mind that their son is in good hands.  It is also my role TO HELP him take care of them someday. 

However, I do not intend to replace my husband because the love of one's old child is really different. Likewise,  my husband's role as a son-in-law is also the same. It is not his duty to support my parents. He can only allow and help me take care of them.

No one should ever lose a daughter in marriage...regardless if the culture is matriarchal or patriarchal.  Both parents earn a son and a daughter respectively. 

Merry Christmas,

L

 

The Feeling When The Baby Moves Inside The Womb

I started feeling the child move inside me as early as the 18th week. The first time felt as if I swallowed a bag of water with a fish swimming inside it. I could feel the waves the fish made but couldn't feel the fish itself.

If you want to know the feeling, put water in a bag. Hold it with both hands and gently move the bag from side to side. Feel the waves? Now imagine that feeling inside your stomach.

The feeling is quite close to indigestion but not as unpleasant and minus the gastric juices. I was very much aware something was moving and creating mini tidal waves.

Last night, my husband  felt the baby move for the first time.

The fetus is getting bigger and stronger. It now feels like a ball softly hitting the inner walls of my abdomen. Imagine swallowing pacman. Pacman the game not the boxer. Jusko if feeling mo si Pacquiao nasa tyan mo, hindi na normal yan.

If you want to know the feeling, get a small ball and press it on your belly. Now imagine the feeling is coming from inside.

Or you can try this. Put your fingers on your head. Can you feel your nerves throbbing? Now imagine your nerves are 2 inches in diameter. Feels close to that too.

I've read somewhere that some moms feel butterflies fluttering in their stomachs. I didn't feel that. Siguro hindi refined ang anak ko. Baka balahura like me.

It finally feels very real. It feels alive na e. 

My husband felt very happy the first time he felt the repeated kicks. Ako, I honestly felt scared. 

Kaya ko na ba? Will I ever sleep 10 hours  again? Will I be able to enjoy the same peace I have now? Will it really be as hellish as other moms describe it.

I don't plan to get a yaya because of my OCD. It will be a mental struggle to share our small home with a stranger. (Note to self: Write about Pregnancy and OCD) 

I'm planning to stay with my in-laws  for 6 months. I have to do Ge Lai anyway. In as much as I love our small home, I don't mind extending my stay with my in-laws if it saves my sanity.  Maybe sila ang ma insane though. My mom is quite concerned that if my in-laws are exposed to me for a long period of time, they will hate me.  I'll risk that na.

I was very worried today so I talked to my 2 friends. One is Thai based in Australia and one is Filipina based in Qatar. Both have no maids. Both need to drive because they live in places that are not directly accessible to public transport. Qatar is especially hot during summers. 

They both managed but they also admitted it was hell at some point. When I was asked if it's all worth it...this is what my Thai friend said,

"I'll tell you an insight. My husband helped a lot. But mind you. I have good and bad times with my husband  but overall you will be happy to see your husband so happy. It's  something that I cannot put in words. But when I see my husband's face, sometimes my tears go out with joy. I cannot make him happy as my daughter does...poor me hahaha. But do consider your inlaws as an option. Babies grow up in a blink of an eye. It's a pity if you are stressed and tired all the time. You have to do what is best for you and your marriage and enjoy the short moment."

She is a marketer too and when she said insight, she meant it as a "universal truth that opens doors to opportunities". 

That made me feel better. 

You know, I agreed to allow medication (plenty of it)  into my body because I know my husband wants a child. And a child is something only I can give him. I know this baby will make him happy. Because I love my husband, I will be happy if he is happy.

And so last night, when he felt the baby move, I saw his smile and I almost cried too.

Now, as I am writing this entry, he is holding a flash light to my belly. The baby is reacting and my husband is laughing. I am sure he is very happy this Christmas. I am still a bit scared that my peaceful  days are numbered, but I'm glad he is happy.  Love is sacrifice talaga. 

In deep thoughts,

L

Asking My Parents for My Hand in Marriage

In Filipino culture, the  man traditionally asks the parents of the woman for her hand in marriage. If the girl has brothers, ideally he should personally ask them too. This can happen either before or after he proposes to her.

In Filipino-Chinese culture, the parents of the man asks the parents of the girl in a semi-casual ceremony called the Kiu Hun. Of course, I don't refer to every Filipino-Chinese out there.

When my husband proposed to me in New York in 2013, I decided that he deserves the chance to "feel more like a man" by giving him the opportunity to ask my parents...

" Ma, Pa, I would like to ask your permission to marry your daughter?"

Appreciate Your Spouse

I have been quite sick these past few weeks. To say that I am just "Under the weather" is an understatement. Even my parents had to come over.

The good thing is, my husband has been taking very good care of me. Last night he woke up at 2 am to prepare my vaporizer because my nose were stuffy and my head was palpitating.

Over breakfast, I told him...

"You know ever since we first met, you have never made me feel that there is anything I lacked. Everything I want and need,  you always found a way to give me. You always make things easier for me and you put my well being before yours. Thank You."

He just said...

" Duh. Ofcourse. And I never ever make you tipid. I always tell you, 'You can buy whatever you want.' You never buy anything. You're so barat even if it's not your money."

So, okay, that wasn't a very romantic response to my appreciation. Sometimes Most of the time, my husband says things that ruin the moment. But that's him. We both agreed that when "Life Happened", it took some romance away and he is still running after "Life" to get it back.

No marriage is ever perfect. It's really up to you to find that little nugget of good in your husband or wife. If not, you will be terribly dissatisfied and unhappy.

I genuinely believe there is always something good in everyone. You just have to force yourself to find it. And when you do, acknowledge it.

Please pray for my quick recovery. Everyone is up and about and I'm stuck at home.

Sniffling,

L

I Miss My Husband

Ever since I started my journey to conceive last June 2015, I have been scared silly. The process of "trying" requires plenty of trips to the doctor and the lab. I have spent many weeks fearfully waiting for my results and consultations. 

In my moments of weakness, I turned to God.  At this point, there is nothing I can do but trust Him.

Because I have been slacking off as a wife, my husband has been taking over a lot of the decision-making. My sanity has been on vacation for a while now, and my husband is the only sound person in our household.

He has been keeping it together for both of us for the last few months. 

Last night, I opened up to my husband. 

I started by thanking him for everything he has been doing. He has been very busy providing and taking care of me. He ensures that I eat right and I take my medicines on time. On top of that, he is running a business, doing stock trading and helping out in his family's business. My husband is a very good man.

But now, I sense he is tired and is on autopilot mode. He is not as affectionate as he was before. In my books, caring is not the same as being affectionate. 

I miss the man I fell inlove with and married, 

When I opened up to him, he said, "I get scared too. But I can't tell you because I am being strong for both of us. I can't be weak now because, it is your turn." 

I heard him.

But I needed to be honest. I told him...

 "You can't get your strength from me all the time. I am human and I have my failings. I'm sorry. You have to get most of your strength from God. His love is constant and eternal. I appreciate everything you do for me. But from now on, please try not worry about me so much. Our God hears my prayers and He knows the desires of my heart. And when you feel scared or weak, come to me. Our God will give me strength to comfort you."

It was a good conversation.

I realize sometimes...

Couples stop being lovers because "Life happened". 

We need to remind ourselves that we got married not because we want a house, a business, children etc.  We got married because we love each other.

 

It was a blessing, my husband listened and opened up. 

Missing my husband,

L

Flirtations

As I write this, I am watching this new craze, ALDUB. Briefly, it's a staged story of two fictional lovers who don't talk to each other verbally. Instead, they communicate through songs and written messages.

One dialogue reminded me how flirtatious my husband and I used to be with each other.

MARRIAGE ENRICHMENT SEMINAR: Bridge To Forever

A quick post!

I love attending marriage seminars, talks, workshops, encounters. You name it! 

We don't have a heavy marriage problem or anything of that sort...at least for now. PHEW! Praise God for that! 

I just enjoy learning new things with my husband. And it's fun to meet other couples too!

Anyway, CCF is holding a Marriage Enrichment Seminar titled "Bridge to Forever" this coming Sept 26-27.

 We attended "SaturDates" and "Before I Do" last year and we really had a wonderful time getting to know each other better. The sessions were pretty much like structured and guided dating. We had questionnaires. We filled those up individually  and discussed as a couple and then we shared with other couples.

So, I'm very VERY excited to sign up for another CCF marriage retreat. 

The upcoming seminar an overnight thing. WOOHOO ! It costs 6,500 per couple and includes everything. YES! E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G!

If you have any questions, you can call Tin. Her number is 0915 847 2627. I actually don't know her! Haha! But hey, her number is on the brochure.

Hope to see you there,

L

Love Me Like You Do

Ellie Goulding's "Love Me Like You Do" is the soundtrack of the movie, 50 Shades of Gray.  I'm pretty sure you know the song and you have seen the movie.

Clearly, there are some people who like the way Christian expressed his love and desire towards Ana. I respect that preference.

For me, I do not appreciate being whacked and whipped and later showered with expensive gifts. I have promised myself that if my husband ever lays a hand on me, I will return the favor.  Whip me and I will punch your ears until you hear ringing sounds in your head. 

Thankfully, we are not into BDSM. We are more into Role Play, sadly with dismal plots. 

After a year of marriage, my husband still hasn't fully figured out how I wish to be loved. On our wedding anniversary, he gave me a diamond necklace.

FIGHTING 101: From Love Letters To Mad Letters

Feeling ko close na tayo. JOKES! 

On a more serious note,  I want to share something personal. My relationship with my husband is not perfect. I'm not perfect and neither is he. We are both the eldest in our respective families. We are both very strong willed, driven and opinionated.  We are so similar in so many ways... from our hobbies to our tempers.

After 8 months of marriage, we have somehow adjusted and refined the way we fight. In the first few months, it was fairly easy to snap. Now, we  have both learned that losing our tempers leads to nowhere good...only tears and resentments,

Last night, S got upset with me. I was so busy talking to friends in Facebook. He hates this especially when we are already in bed. He is a busy man and this is the only time he gets to talk to me.

However that night, instead of insulting or confronting me, he went out of the room and sent me this message via viber. I'm copy pasting it so because I feel this is helpful for new couples...

How To Show Love...The Filipino-Chinese Way

I have come to learn that in a Fil-Chi family, it is quite rare to receive a card from your parents and in-laws with a note saying, "I Love You".

My dad is an exception. I remember that every Valentine's Day, he would go to my school, interrupt my class and give me a bouquet of flowers and chocolates. I used to get really embarrassed with all the attention. Looking back, I was the luckiest girl in the entire school.

My mom...well, she's hardcore. She shows her love through service, specifically washing my laundry. I still bring my clothes to Iloilo for her to wash. I do this to give her the opportunity to show her love. NYAHAHA.

I don't ever recall my mom making me a card. BUT! She has a wall filled with all the cards that I wrote her since I learned how to write.

Honestly, it's very awkward for me to show my love to my in-laws. I don't think I am at that stage, where I could hug them tight and write them "I love you" on post-it notes. Cut me some slack! I've only been married 6 months! It still feels weird. I also don't see S doing this.

Instead, I show my love by sending them food and by simply being around even if I don't understand half the things they say.

I notice that my MIL also does the same thing. She shows her care through food.  She sends me my supply of probiotics,  fresh veggies and raw meats, and other chinese delicatessens. I also know that she loves me because she is very much concerned with my health.

Last Christmas, my in-laws give me a generous angpao. I guess for Chinese Families, angpaos are the standard gifts.

My mom...she gave me tubs of paksiw and chicken alexander all the way from Iloilo. No Christmas cards with "I love you" notes.

Chinese parents also show their love by "PROVIDING".  They pay for our education and it doesn't stop there. In most cases, they also pay for our weddings. They help us start our married lives by helping out as we build our homes. For the lucky ones, they buy the couple their first home!

Time is also a valued commodity. When Chinese parents make time to attend an event, this is precious time away from the business. This is time that they could have used to earn money but instead they chose to spend it on you. When they attend events in the evening, this is time that they could've used to rest but instead they chose to share your joy.

I remember that my mom really made time to tutor me even if on one occasion we wanted to stab each other with pencils. My mom went to all my school activities. I recall that I didn't want to invite her because I was worried that I would waste her time if I don't win.  This is how Chinese moms show their love. They make time for you.

So now, I am married to a Fil-Chi man and I am recalibrating my Love Language. He shows his love through time + effort + gifts.

When my husband takes time off from work so that he can drive me to the doctor, I realize that this is love. When he gives me diamond earrings, even if I don't need one, this is love. I should not force S to act like cassanova. Clearly this is hopeless.

I don't intent to generalize or make a stereotype, but I'm learning that...

Fil-Chis (atleast, those I know), show their love through FOOD, MONEY (or anything valuable), TIME and EFFORT (or service).

Physical or Verbal forms of affection are quite rare. Don't force them to give it. It is not their way. Although... Mark said that this could change due to to globalization and social media. Let's see.

On this note I should stop pestering S to do DIY cards or to send me a message in a bottle.


Feeling Loved,

L

2014, A Boring Year

There are years that are the best of times.

There are years that are the worst of times.

2014 is not one of those years.  I mean it in a good way. It's a peaceful year with no manic highs and with no steep lows.

If you were with me Q4 of 2011, you would understand why I deserve this year of peace and silence. 2011 was the year of change, career growth and disintegration of life as I knew it then.

This year, I rested. My life stopped and I had time to look around and appreciate the little things around me.

Yes, you can argue that it was an exciting year for me because I got married last July. But honestly, my wedding was just one awesome event. And if you know me, you'd also know that I have many events and several memorable parties under my belt.

The wedding was wonderful but it was the marriage that I looked forward to. My marriage brought me joy through a lot mundane things, such as breakfasts, new traditions, dinners and chores (Yes! Chores!).

Last night, I was lying beside my husband and this is what I told him...

"At this very moment, everything is good. We are together. We have good health. We have food. We have nothing specific to worry about. Our families are safe in their homes. Nothing exciting is happening. I am bored. All these make happy."

You know, sometimes we wish for significant and exciting things to the point that we fail to appreciate the boredom. 

True, boredom is the absence of anything exciting.  But! hear me out. Boredom is also the absence of worry. How can you be bored if you are worrying about a problem? ABER!

If you have experienced a depressing and traumatic period in your life, you will appreciate the peace that boredom brings. 

I know that this phase will not last forever and I am cherishing every second of it. Every time that I sit down and my brain is empty, I feel so happy. I deserve this pause. I am happy being bored. My body thanks me for it. And I thank my husband. Without him, this pause is not possible.

If I wear to summarize my 2014...

2014 is a year of pause. It is the year of rest. It is the year that I stopped and observed my environment and appreciate the little things and the people in my life. It is a good year and I never want to forget it.

Thankful,

L

STAYCATION PROPS

There are days when we feel the need to be all romantic, to connect on a "spiritual level" and to do all those sappy stuff. 

Unfortunately, an overnight stay in a nice hotel is expensive. It will cost us atleast 5,000 pesos for one night.

So, we just replicate the staycation experience in our own room.

Here are some of our essentials:

1.  Gorgeous, Soft, Smooth and Hotel Quality Bedsheets- The one below is my favorite, the DwellStudio Peacock Citrine.

2. Tray!- To replicate the room service experience! CHAROT!

We got this tray from Rustans. It was around 2,000 php.

3. Wine- The best choice is to get a bubbly. Put some cherries and you have a Bellini-ish drink.

4. Strawberries or Grapes

5. Cheese- Please don't get the stinky ones

6. Chocolates- I love Fauchon and Royce. If on a budget, Cadbury! 

7. Lastly...NO INTERNET.

Oh di ba! And this is how we ROI on our bedsheets and our room!

Please don't serve rice and ulam. Hindi bagay.

Missing my husband,

L

Another Opportunity To Wear My Wedding Gown

If and when I do have a baby, I will wear my wedding gown during the baptism ceremony.

Fitting into that gown will surely serve as a good motivation to lose weight.

Dear God, please give me a baby. I really want to wear my CECILIO ABAD  gown again. 

Hoping & Praying,

L

Isn't It Ironic?

With only 30 mins left til my flight, I was still on the road. 

To make it worse, the song of Alanis Morisette, "Ironic" was blasting away from the radio. When it got to the part, " Traffic Jam When you're already late", S turned the volume up. 

Finally to make it worst, I  wanted to pee BADLY! 

YES, S TURNED OUT TO BE RIGHT AGAIN.

Traffic to the airport was so bad with all the construction work etc. I can safely assume it will only get worst during the peak festive days.

I did make it. BUT...for a few minutes there I was shouting like Sisa because my check-in counter was closed when I arrived.

Now it's boarding time.

S, I'm sorry for questioning your judgement. Sorry! Bye! Won't dillydally again. Last na to. Swear to god, hope to die.

Harassed,

L

PS> wrote this while I was falling in line for boarding but didn't make it in time to post.  Now I'm having Pizza and wine here in Iloilo.

Why We Fight

S and I, we fight. Oh boy, we fight good.

I occasionally envy couples who never ever fight. But to hope that we will never fight is wishful thinking.

The core reason is revealed by this chart. S is the eldest and the only boy. I am the eldest and the only girl. Our age gap from our siblings is 7-8 years. 

Allow me to dissect each element from this chart.

1. Natural Leader

    He leads. I lead. No one follows.

2. High Achiever

    We are competitive and we more often than not, compete with each other. 

    While I am very proud of my husband, it hurts my pride that when he does something better than me, he makes it a point to rub it on my face. He told me yesterday that he wants a memo pad with the note "I told you" printed on all the pages.  

3. Organized

    S is super organized to the point that he is bordering OCD.  

    I am diagnosed with a mild case of clinical OCD but I manifest it differently. Everything is in order but I  have places where I hide my stuff. Remember Monica from Friends. I am Monica in real life. (FYI, This is just one of many symptoms. The rest are darker.)  So, when S opens my cabinets he gets very agitated when he sees all the things I stuff inside it. He gets very annoyed that I don't close or cap anything and that I don't put things (phones and eyeglasses) in their case. 

My principle simple: Out of Sight, Out of Mind. I have yet to figure out what S' principles on organization are.

4. On Time.

    If it's a work related, I'm on time.  If I'm in Singapore, I'm on time. The rest, time is relative. S is always on time and to make it worst, he is always early. When I was still working in UL, he waited for me for 30 mins- 2 hrs.

5. Know-It-All

   That's me! I "think" I know everything and I get upset if S doesn't know those things which I think are "elementary" information.

   And S knows everything about real life. He got really upset when I tried to clean my Tori Burch leather flats with lotion.

   We are both Know-it-All but on different fields of study.

6. Bossy

   Enough said.

7. Responsible

    I am very responsible. S is very responsible. The problem is when he meddles in things I am responsible for and vice versa. For instance, when he starts cleaning the house which is my jurisdiction. I feel offended. Then, I also want to do finance analysis of his business and give unsolicited consultancy. He feels offended.

8. Adult Pleaser

    This is more S'. I rarely bother.

9. Obeys the Rules

    I love obeying rules. I also read a lot which leads me to learn more rules. I get really upset when S doesn't follow those rules which only I have read about. 

Then S imposes all these societal Fil-Chi rules on me. Like, attending parties where I obviously don't know anyone or understand anything.

So with our fundamentals a mess, the whole  Love and Respect  thing is really a struggle for both of us. 

But because I love my husband, I try.

Do you fight guys fight too? Or are we the sick ones?

Trying to be good,

L

PS: I didn't make the chart. If anyone knows the original source, please let me know. I  just saw it on my friend's wall.