Tuesday, 31 January 2017

Filipino-Chinese Relationships: When do you say "Enough is Enough!" ?

A couple of days ago I received a very very very very long letter from a 21 year old Pinay girl who shared her story about her 23 year old Fil-Chi classmate/friend/ MU.

To make the long story short: 

She developed feelings. He reciprocated. His mom found out. The mother made really scary threats. They agreed to be friends with feelings for each other.

I actually do not know why she wrote to me. It seems that she has already made up her mind.

I know she was looking for a reassurance but how can I give one when the threats are extremely dangerous

I tell you, I have received so many emails about Filipino-Chinese relationships but the threats that she got are the lowest of the low.

Usually Fil-Chi parents threaten to disown their sons and daughters or cut off financial support and remove their inheritance. 

In the case of Financial Support, I usually say..."Go ahead and fight for it!". To begin with, you shouldn't follow your parents just because you want to be financially rewarded. you follow because you respect and love them.

To those who tell that they are torn between losing their family and losing the love of their life, I usually tell them to choose their family. Otherwise, their partners will have  very large shoes to fill in making them happy. It's like losing a half of your life and the other half will be working extra hard to make you whole again. It's unfair for the partner.

So when do you give up on the relationship? When exactly do you stop fighting for it?

1. First make sure that there is a relationship. 
Baka sa isip mo lang yan. Sure na sure ka ba na mahal ka nya? As is super dooper love? Kasi ako love na love ko rin ang egg tart ng Kumori pero pag walang stock na, ok pa naman ako.


2. If you receive threats that will endanger your life, your family and your sanity.
Hindi na uso nang Romeo and Juliet drama. There are so many men and so many women out there. WAG MONG IPILIT ANG SARILI MO SA PAMILYANG AYAW SAYO. Have some self respect and self love please!

3.  If you have waited more than 7 years! 
Sa marriage nga may 7 year itch eh.

4.If you are female and 27 and you still haven't been introduced to his parents.
Remember you have a biological clock. Ang eggs po natin ay hindi unli.

5.  If the guy/girl breaks up with you but still asks you to be his/her friend.
Ano ka libreng GRO? Libreng Shrink?  Libreng emotional crutch? And worst, ano ka para-usan ng sexual needs nya? Haller!

6. If you are continually ask to change or improve.
You don't need to be "MORE" successful so that she/he can introduce you to her/his parents. Truth be told, kahit gaano ka pa ka successful sa work mo, they will always have their bias against you.

Lover boys and lover girls, I want to tell you something very important.

Parents, in general, want their children to marry well. This is particularly true for FIL-Chi parents. 

There is a a mindset that if my son/daughter marries well, it means that something I made was valued by others. Which is why, some moms cry when their daughters get shitty Ting Hun jewelries. 

While this sounds very selfish, sadly it is a human flaw that  you also find validation of your own self worth through your children. This is in the same league as parents bragging when their children do well in school or parents being ashamed when their children f*ck up. Normal emotions po yan. Just different manifestation depending on different cultural norms.

So ask your self...

Maganda/Gwapo ka ba?
Do you come from a good family?
Are you a good catch? 
Why?
If you are his mother/father will you like yourself to be his GF/BF?
Why?

If you seem confident that bongga naman ang credentials mo pero ayaw ka nila..

THEN MOVE ON NOH! 

You obviously think you are good enough and if they can't see that...

then..

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.

This is not just for Fil-Chi relationships. This applies to any relationship!

yun lang po,

L

Monday, 30 January 2017

New Underwear for Chinese New Year

One of my many Chinese New Year traditions is to wear new underwear on the first day of the lunar new year.

New beginnings daw yan.

Since I don't really have any idea what day of the week it is na because I've so busy with the baby #bangag, I only got my CNY must-haves on the eve of CNY mismo. I went to the mall right after the CNY dinner with my husband's parents.

Ay sus, since eto nalang na abutan ko sa Marks and Spencer sale...eh di see-though bra and panty ang lola mo nung pumunta sa temple.



#wagas

Mura lang yan. Ung panty sale, so 175 nalang. Ung bra, sale din 300 nalang! 

Oh sya, HAPPY YEAR OF THE ROOSTER





Thursday, 26 January 2017

I Miss My Family and Friends

As the Chinese New Year approaches, I feel homesick. It's quite hard to truly identify where home is because while my family lives in Iloilo and my friends are scattered all over the world.

I've been married for close to 3 years now but I don't feel any closer to my inlaws. On the contrary, I feel the relationship has significantly regressed. 

When S and I started dating, I really did my best to extend myself. I asked his sisters out. I invited his mom to have our nails done. I gave gifts. I tried to host small home dinners. But when those few attempts were not reciprocated, I lost interest. 

In fact, one of the sisters never even sent me one viber message to ask how I was (or even just to say Hi) during the course of my pregnancy. 

I also feel that I can't really share my fears or worries with them...only superficial happy things. So that's only one side of me. I'm not happy all the time. Are you?

To make matters worst, I'm not proficient in speaking Chinese.

One very important thing that one should now about me is...I never beg for affection or companionship. So if my attempts go unreciprocated, I am very quick to stop. It's not worth the disappointment.

My mother-in-law wants all of us to be close. I want to tell her that being close requires effort (and chemistry!) and it is not a "default mode" especially when the background is very different.

I have done casting for many ads so I know chemistry when I see one.  And I know that chemistry is something I don't have with this family.

To be fair, even with missing chemistry, my MIL genuinely shows her care in her own way. She sends food and is always physically there when I need her.

However, with the rest of the family...we can all sit on the same table and I have nothing to talk about. 

And I'm a very good conversationalist na ha..but I just don't feel like it. It feels awkward. I don't feel comfortable. 

I have a different sense of humor from my inlaws too.   My mom thinks it is hilarious when get candies from the buffet. My MIL is more proper so she corrects me. Both are good people. Just different.

Recently, my sisters-in-law have been trying to reach out to me. They now give me gifts when they travel. However, I feel it's a bit contrived because it started when my husband told them how distant I feel towards them.

Truth be told, I seem to have lost interest.

The ball is on my court.  

But I still don't feel like picking it up. It doesn't feel natural kasi. It's as if they are just obligated to have me around to complete the picture, figuratively speaking.

I'm not really complaining. I have promised myself that as long as my baby is okay, I am grateful for each day.

I guess I  miss my home, my family and my friends. I feel I haven't laughed out loud in quite a while.


Nostalgic,


L



Sunday, 15 January 2017

Time Flies!

I can't believe I am already planning for Baby G's first birthday!!! Where did the time go???
I am with my daughter every single day and yet time still moves so fast.

Baby G is already 9 months old. She is quite a handful. As I am writing this quick post, she is crawling and climbing up furnitures and walls...


See what I mean?

My milk supply has also decreased since she started on solids. So I have been trying to pump every 2 hours. 

My day is pretty much divided between chores, playing, pumping and breastfeeding.

I'm also interviewing for a job in Singapore. Hmmm....

How are you guys na? I miss you all!!

L


Saturday, 19 November 2016

How are you?

Gosh I have been very delinquent in writing! 

My baby is already 7 months and is standing. She is very malikot. She even pulls to stand while breastfeeding. 

Then she has started screaming and shrieking.

She actually started babbling at around 2.5 months and  started jabbering "mumumum" (albeit infrequently) by the end of 4th month. After that she seemed very happy and quiet. That actually worried me.  (I have lots of worries) 

She was more interested in making weird razzling sounds and moving around. But she would let all her consonants and her voice out when she was complaining. 

Then at exactly 7 month she just started shrieking.

So imagine a malikot and a happy shrieking baby.

My hands are full.

Imagine me lying down to breastfeed and her drinking my breastmilk as if she is sipping buko juice from a coconut. She feeds either kneeling or standing. 

You know, every morning when I wake up...I thank God for the night and every night before I sleep, I thank God for the day. I have so much happiness, sadness, fears and gratefulness that my head hurts from all the emotions I feel...

Have you all read the book "Someday" and "Wish?"

Gosh, grabe. Iyak ako talaga.


Xoxo,

L

Wednesday, 16 November 2016

Tupperware

Has it been more than a week since I last posted?! Grabe! Time flies!!!! Too fast! too fast!

Anyway...this will be a quick one.

I really don't know how to be plastic. I just can't do it. If there's someone that I don't like, I can't bring myself to be around them. 

Perhaps I can naman for a few hours but it really causes me stress.

 It's like every molecule in my body moves fast and starts overheating.

Is there anyone is particular that has this same effect on you? How do you deal with it?

Xoxo,

L

Sunday, 6 November 2016

Brunch for Less

If we dine out for brunch, we normally would spend around 1,000+. Sometimes I feel bad for paying a hefty price for something I can easily make at home.

So this morning, I prepared brunch.

Nothing fancy. 

I made blueberry pancakes using Maya's pancake mix. The tip on how to make them fluffy is to separate the egg white and egg yolk. Then you beat the egg whites until it stiffens and you fold it into the pancake batter.


The sausage, I got from Earl's Delicatessen. The sandwiches are just Tuna Sandwhiches that I grilled.


Masarap naman lahat!

I had 2 leftover pancakes. One I already packed for my husband's baon tomorrow. The other I gave to the yaya.



I made a konteng echoz in presentation. Leftover na nga e. The least I can do is to make it visually pleasing.


Xoxo,

L



Friday, 4 November 2016

My First Hermès

Actually Herpes yan e. Fake.

Jokes.

My husband gave me an Hermès Evelyn Bag for my 34th birthday. 



It felt quite strange to receive this because we had a tampuhan a couple of days before my birthday. It's worth noting I'm always cranky and depressed everytime I turn a year older.

This is a very generous gift so I'm very grateful. Pero sabi nya, wala na akong gift sa Christmas.

This beautiful bag now rests comfortably inside the cabinet. I don't go anywhere fancy. I only go across the street to do my groceries.


OA naman if naka Hermès ako to buy gulay.

I don't really buy expensive bags. I own a few lang.

BUT! I indulge myself in expensive shoes... which I also never wear. Minsan pag sa bahay, I wear my Ferragamo pumps. Hirap na magasgasan sa labas. Cheap ko talaga!

I don't buy expensive stuff to impress others. I buy them and I look at them. Kung baga for my own satisfaction only. Weird no?


Xoxo,

L

Desired Response

In marketing, when you make an ad it is important that you are clear with your DESIRED RESPONSE from your material. 

After watching your TV commercial, do you want your audience to..

- Buy your product versus competitor
- Buy more of your product (from small pack to big pack)
- Try the new product /variant
- Find a new usage for an existing product

...and many more.

There are many TV commercials, print ads, billboards that does nothing more but bring awareness. That's it. They spent millions for something that will not really lead to action/purchase.

As an individual, I always keep in mind this principle of "Desired Response". 

If I have a problem, I think twice before I share it with others because I always ask myself..."What response do I want to hear from them?" As I result, I usually share some problems with people who I know are credible enough to give me advice or assurances. I don't go around sharing my woes to everyone.

If I plan to comment, I also think twice before I say anything. "Will this comment be well received by the person?" , "Will this comment improve the quality of my life?" Depending on my answer, I will package my words to get my desired response.

In short...I am always calculating when it comes to my words.  I think about my desired response, my target audience and my key point before I say anything.

While this is a very good thing, I occasionally use this insightfulness to hurt.

If my desired response is to break ones spirit or to rip apart ones soul, I always find the perfect words to scar someone for life.

The best thing I do however is to keep silent. With silence and distance, the desired response is almost  too confusing. How can you hate someone who is silent? How can you hate someone who doesn't do anything bad nor good? 

Last night I asked my husband, "Many moons ago, when you told your friend what I told you about her husband what was your desired response from her? How did you want her to react to what I told you in confidence?  Did you want her to get mad at me? If she got mad at me, would who have left me?"

He said, "Honestly, I wasn't thinking. I just blurted it out of anger."

There in lies that problem with most people. When people get too emotional, they say things without thinking of the outcome.

Like when some women complain about their boyfriends or husbands. They make their partners look bad and yet they are unwilling to leave them.

To the person listening to them, they will appear weak. How can you choose to stay with someone who cheats and hurts you?

In short, if you don't plan to take any action except to rant, best to keep quiet because what you say can reflect badly on you.


That being said...I hope the next time you talk, you think twice or thrice about your desired response. Then you choose your audience and then weave your words in such a way that you can get the response you are aiming for.

Remember what you say, helps people form their opinion of you.


Xoxo,

L

Thursday, 3 November 2016

Start Them Young

My mom told me a girl who can't do household chores won't make a good wife. That was her view of women...

So she taught me how to do my chores at such a young age.

Here's a picture to prove it...



Xoxo,

L