Day 93: Kai Shao

Many automatically associate Kai Shao with Arranged Marriages.  This is so wrong!  Kai Shao literally means Introduction. It is nothing more than a set-up or a "Reto".

Perhaps, the only difference is people who initiate the Kai Shao have looked into your family background. Afterall, in Chinese culture,"Saving Face" is very important.

We don't want to introduce someone with a questionable profile because we will be blamed if something goes wrong with the match and we will "lose face". 

Thanks to Facebook and Instagram, Kai Shao(s) are not so scary anymore. You can now check or even talk to your potential mate and eliminate any prospect of negative surprises.

When I was working in a big company, I used to think that only desperate guys would agree to meet people this way. I wondered why can't they just go out more or go to church or attend some orgs. 

But the more I mingled with other Fil-Chi, the more I realized that it is not that easy to meet other people. 

Most Fil-Chi kids work for the family business. They spend more time with their employees than socializing with people their age.  Some of them are also not into the party scene.

No one is ever forced into Kai Shao. No one will physically drag you to meet your date. And no one can force you to text someone!

Here's how it works:

1. Aunties (it's usually some aunty) or a relative will approach you or your parents to ask if you are      interested to meet a boy/girl.

 Note:  A friend can also approach you directly.

2. They describe the potential target and give a detailed family and/or financial background.

3.  You agree on a date and place. (Then you do your own share of checking)

4.  Traditionally, you meet your date with the person who introduced the two of you.

Note:  It's always better if you go by yourselves. I tell you, it's so stressful to wait for the 2 to develop chemistry right before your eyes!

5. If you like your date,  you correspond thru all forms of communication.

If you don't just politely say, "It was nice to meet you. Thanks for coffee/dinner etc"

6. Hopefully, he/she likes you back.

7. Lastly, be prepared to answer follow up questions from family and friends.

Easy Peasy!

So, don't ever think that this is  a forced or arranged marriage. This is just like any other date set-up.

I was lucky, I only met 3 people thru Kai Shao.

I will marrying this coming July  the first one I met. 

My only advise to those who are looking, take it easy and have fun.

Still on Pause,

L