I started feeling the child move inside me as early as the 18th week. The first time felt as if I swallowed a bag of water with a fish swimming inside it. I could feel the waves the fish made but couldn't feel the fish itself.
If you want to know the feeling, put water in a bag. Hold it with both hands and gently move the bag from side to side. Feel the waves? Now imagine that feeling inside your stomach.
The feeling is quite close to indigestion but not as unpleasant and minus the gastric juices. I was very much aware something was moving and creating mini tidal waves.
Last night, my husband felt the baby move for the first time.
The fetus is getting bigger and stronger. It now feels like a ball softly hitting the inner walls of my abdomen. Imagine swallowing pacman. Pacman the game not the boxer. Jusko if feeling mo si Pacquiao nasa tyan mo, hindi na normal yan.
If you want to know the feeling, get a small ball and press it on your belly. Now imagine the feeling is coming from inside.
Or you can try this. Put your fingers on your head. Can you feel your nerves throbbing? Now imagine your nerves are 2 inches in diameter. Feels close to that too.
I've read somewhere that some moms feel butterflies fluttering in their stomachs. I didn't feel that. Siguro hindi refined ang anak ko. Baka balahura like me.
It finally feels very real. It feels alive na e.
My husband felt very happy the first time he felt the repeated kicks. Ako, I honestly felt scared.
Kaya ko na ba? Will I ever sleep 10 hours again? Will I be able to enjoy the same peace I have now? Will it really be as hellish as other moms describe it.
I don't plan to get a yaya because of my OCD. It will be a mental struggle to share our small home with a stranger. (Note to self: Write about Pregnancy and OCD)
I'm planning to stay with my in-laws for 6 months. I have to do Ge Lai anyway. In as much as I love our small home, I don't mind extending my stay with my in-laws if it saves my sanity. Maybe sila ang ma insane though. My mom is quite concerned that if my in-laws are exposed to me for a long period of time, they will hate me. I'll risk that na.
I was very worried today so I talked to my 2 friends. One is Thai based in Australia and one is Filipina based in Qatar. Both have no maids. Both need to drive because they live in places that are not directly accessible to public transport. Qatar is especially hot during summers.
They both managed but they also admitted it was hell at some point. When I was asked if it's all worth it...this is what my Thai friend said,
"I'll tell you an insight. My husband helped a lot. But mind you. I have good and bad times with my husband but overall you will be happy to see your husband so happy. It's something that I cannot put in words. But when I see my husband's face, sometimes my tears go out with joy. I cannot make him happy as my daughter does...poor me hahaha. But do consider your inlaws as an option. Babies grow up in a blink of an eye. It's a pity if you are stressed and tired all the time. You have to do what is best for you and your marriage and enjoy the short moment."
She is a marketer too and when she said insight, she meant it as a "universal truth that opens doors to opportunities".
That made me feel better.
You know, I agreed to allow medication (plenty of it) into my body because I know my husband wants a child. And a child is something only I can give him. I know this baby will make him happy. Because I love my husband, I will be happy if he is happy.
And so last night, when he felt the baby move, I saw his smile and I almost cried too.
Now, as I am writing this entry, he is holding a flash light to my belly. The baby is reacting and my husband is laughing. I am sure he is very happy this Christmas. I am still a bit scared that my peaceful days are numbered, but I'm glad he is happy. Love is sacrifice talaga.
In deep thoughts,