I was told by my gay best friend, that my main job as a wife is to be my husband's cheerleader. I need to provide a comfortable home for him to come to after a hard day's work. I need to be the listening ear when he wants to rant about his employees, his boss or anyone causing him stress.
My husband feels empowered to work harder if I appreciate him. He feels more inspired when I admire him. He loves me even more when I show him respect.
My husband is a typical man. He has an ego.
I have been quite good in maintaining harmony in our home until recently...
Since November, my involvement in his business has increased. It began when we started planning for 2016. Then around January, I started taking on more roles. I won't bore you with the details but it a nutshell: I set directions, I promote the brands and my husband deals all the operational stuff from sourcing, importing, distribution and accounting. So yes, he does all the dirty work.
Because I set the direction and he executes, conflict and disagreement inadvertently occur.
There is a really natural tension between Marketing and Sales & Operations. Under normal circumstances, a marketing person will complain that sales is not strategic or sales didn't ensure availability. A person handling sales & operations will complain that marketing is clueless about what is happening on field. All these issues come with the territory. However, in an ideal world, sales and marketing fight from 8 am-5pm and at night, they go home and rant to their partners.
Sadly in our case, we can't rant about each other...well...to each other.
To make matters worst, I do most of my work at 9 pm. My husband is usually beside me around that time. Because I have a type A personality, I can't stop myself from asking him about work-related stuff and correcting him where it is necessary. And once my brain starts working, I forget our bedtime.
It also doesn't help that I am on my 3rd trimester. My stomach is getting bigger. I am feeling very agitated and annoyed at just about anything.
And when I am very "passionate", I have a tendency to forget that the person I am talking to is my husband and not my assistant.
I find myself being disrespectful and critical. I also become very offensive and condescending. Occasionally, I start coaching my husband on how to be a more effective leader.
This is wrong!
My husband should be the leader of our lives. I should follow and support him. Instead, here I am teaching him how to be a better leader.
I admit, I am a really different person at work. I work very hard. I think about work all the time.
Herein lies the problem: I bring work home and our home is starting to feel like an extension of our office. And I am starting to be my husband's tormentor and source of stress.
During these past few weeks, I feel I should just stop working with my husband. It's good for business but it's not good for our marriage.
Last night, we were in a heated argument about work. My husband was coughing and instead of attending to his cough, I pressed on and lectured him on math. I may have also thrown in a couple of demeaning words in my frustration.
As I was losing it, I swear I had an out of body experience. I saw myself transform into a very evil person. I felt ashamed and guilty.
I still feel bad for what I did.
When I was in corporate, I was very civil and energetic. But as wife/business partner, my working-style is very different. My patience is now very short. Perhaps, its because I have very high expectations from my husband to the point that I am not very tolerant of minor lapses. Or maybe it's because I'm just to comfortable to blurt out whatever I'm thinking.
I'm turning into a monster. This has to stop...
I want my husband to come home and open up to me. I don't want him to stop sharing work problems because he is scared that I will correct him
I want to know nothing about his work so that I don't have any biases. I just want to be able to listen, nod my head and tell him,"Everything will be ok." That's all he needs to hear. He is a very capable man.
I want my husband to sleep beside me and leave all the worries of the day behind. I want him to forget work when he is with me. He has a lot on his plate...He is running a business. He is preparing for our family. He is taking care of me.
I just want to be a good wife again...
...I can only do this if we stop working together.