Friday, 25 March 2016

Filipino-Chinese Relationships: Horror Edition

Last week, my husband's family found out that his cousin is dating a Filipino. Needless to say, the family doesn't approve of the relationship. I don't really know what they plan to do about this "situation". It's not like she's a teenager. She is already 37 years old...

This is really not an issue with my own family. My brother's girlfriend is a Filipina and she is close to both me and my mom. 

But because this time around, the issue is a bit closer to home, it made me think of the horror stories in Filipino-Chinese Relationships. 

I have a good friend, who had a Fil-Chi boyfriend for 8 years. They met when they were at the ripe dating age of 25. She patiently waited but he never had the balls to even introduce her to his parents. 

However, on their 3rd year together, he had the balls to have a Fil-Chi girlfriend on the side! Kaloka! May balls mang two-time!

Each girl thought she was the legal girlfriend. But it was the Fil-Chi girl who he introduced to his parents and he took as his date to his sister's wedding. This went on for about a year. 

He eventually chose my Pinay friend . But in the end, she gave up on him on their 8th year because he still didn't have the balls to introduce her to his family. Grabe he was 33 na then!!! 

6 months after they broke up, he married a different Fil-Chi girl from a prominent clan. 

I thought that was already a bad story...BUT...

I had another friend, who told me that she once knew of a guy whose parents cut him off when they found out he had a Filipina girlfriend. 

College pa lang sya! Kawawa! 

They kicked him out of the house! So, he lived with his uncle in the South and would walk all the way to La Sale! The affair eventually fizzled and his parents happily took him back.

And even among Fil-Chis there are issues! Grabe!

There was a lady who got married in her early 30s to an ofw tsinoy, 16 yrs her senior. The guy was in his late 40s.  Her parents didn't approve of him. Either they were worried about his past life or they didn't like the fact that he wasn't that rich. Basta, hindi sila pabor sa guy.

So, to show their protest, her parents never gave a single cent to help out in their wedding. 

No dowry. Nothing! While, her achi naman got a big house and lot in an exclusive subdivision when she married a few years before. 

The worst I have heard so far is the story shared to me by my friend from Bacolod. I copy pasted the email she sent me.

I have a friend, sister in law nya older sa amin and works as bank exec. She had a pinoy bf before. You know what her mother did to her? Binuhusan sya ng acid ng mother nya. Ang rationale kung mapupunta lang sa pinoy, sisirain nalang nya. Buti nakailag sya. She has burn marks from the acid on her arms. She's unmarried until now. 50 na ata.

My gulay! I think that's the worst way of showing disapproval to a Filipino-Chinese relationship. Parang movie! 

Di ba?!

Jusko 2016 na! 

Email me your horror story!



  1. Hi L,

    oo nga parang movie lang. meron pang acid effect. pero sobrang ang sakit naman nun sa part ng daughter. kasi of all people, mom pa niya ang may gawa ng ganun sa kanya. in my own pov, regardless sa raise or nationality, hindi tama yung ganun. ang mga moms natin ang unang unang tao na magpoprotect satin.

    while reading ur post, feeling ko naiiyak na ako. sobrang tragic. :(

    1. Ang OA di ba! Ang sama ng Nanay! But alam friends and I were talking about the importance of saving face in a Chinese family. Mas importante pa yang face na yan kesa sa welfare ng Tao mismo

  2. Wow. Normally, naririnig ko lang na stories are of sons/daughters being shipped overseas para mahiwalay sa gf/bf or itinatakwil and the couple ends up destitute - yun na yung pinaka madrama. But now lang ako nakarinig (outside of TV) ng ganito ka tapang na nanay. Napaka-tragic to think na ginanon nya yung anak nya and the daughter ended up alone anyway.

    I have cousins who are of age na and sunod sunod silang magkakapatid kinakasal since last year. 2 have pinoy spouses. The parents weren't keen on the relationships but they knew their children are strong-willed and they didn't want to lose their children so sila na lang nag step back and they do present a good face to others. Publicly, their stand is "mabait and masipag, malambing sa amin kaya napamahal na sa amin". Privately, they will confess na "e ano pang magagawa namin ? Matigas ang ulo" so you know that they're not really 100% with their approval.

    But like I said, supportive naman sila and in the end, approval and respect can be earned over time so my cousins are really lucky.

    1. Ako naman naisip up ko Hindi naman LAHAT ng Fil-chi mayaman e. And kahit mayaman, Hindi guarantee na good life. May na kwento sa akin na Ung Fil-chi husband nambubugbog ng asawa. So kinuha ng parents Ung anak na babae!
      Grabe Ung acid. Horror tlga

  3. Tama Ka, money does play a major role but may exceptions. I think it's a matter of culture, traditions, norms and whether or not the spouse is willing to cooperate, makisama and to tolerate. For example, if everybody is speaking in Chinese and the spouse does not understand, does he feel paranoid and make a big issue out of it ? Does he complain and make everybody else speak in a language that he understands ? Or dedma Lang and smile ?

    It makes a difference rin Kung ano ugali ng spouse if coming from a different culture, kelangan may effort makibagay at makisama.

    1. Well, personally I also don't understand half the things my inlaws talk about. Sa lagay na to president si papa at si ang kong sa family association. At nag tutor ako. Nag aral pa sa china. But my mind rejects fookien.

      Hahaha. Pero honestly, I consider it a blessing that I don't understand. The less I know, the better. Hear no evil, speak no evil.

      May sinabi sa akin isang Fil-chi friend ko, if Fil-chi daw manliligaw sa sister Nya, kahit average. Sabi Nya basta May kamay at paa. Pag pinoy dapat excellent ang credentials.

      Feeling ko tlga may age na pwede pa mag influence ang mga parents sa gusto nila. Pag May hanap buhay na ang mga anak, bahala na sila.

  4. I am a Filipina. I, however, have Chinese blood. My great-grandfather, for instance, is pure Chinese... I am so disheartened right now because the guy pursuing me is Chinese, not to mention that he is the only son of a tycoon. I have fallen in love with another Chinese years ago; I even perfected Mandarin just to somehow learn a part of his culture. That guy and I never became a couple though because his family forbade it. A cousin told me that a Chinese falling for a Filipina is a non-issue because the man is the one expected to take the lead in the family anyway. As long as the non-Chinese woman is decent and successful (or at least shows a lot of potential to become great in life), there is no problem. How true is this? Should I just push this Chinese guy I am in love with away so as to spare myself from eventual heartache?

    1. You can message me privately at