As I enter my 32nd week, my fears are back in full swing. I have thought about everything that can go wrong and I have no way of preventing the possible scenarios.
Up to this point, I have eaten healthy, given up alcohol and coffee, avoided all OTC medicines on flu, pain and cough, slept well, rested and exercised. In short, I've done everything that I could to keep this child safe in my womb.
But I now have many fears. Perhaps, it's because of my life stage. I have heard so many stories and read so many articles that I can't help but imagine that those could happen to me too. I want to shake off the feeling so I try to stay as positive as I can.
My mother-in-law brushed me off by saying that her other nieces didn't have these fears. My husband said, "Well, maybe they just didn't tell you."
She is more concerned about their relatives and friends visiting me. I told my MIL that according to the rules of Chinese Confinement, the period of 30 days is considered as my quarantine period. I shouldn't be entertaining guests because my immune system is weak and my body is recuperating. My mother-in-law is worried that their relatives will think I am a snob.
The opinion of others is the last thing on my mind. I have many fears and the approval of people I don't know, is not one of them.
I'm scared to have a Baby Shower. I don't want to tempt fate. I just want to celebrate every moment now until the day I give birth.
I want to just enjoy my life with my husband. I want to laugh. I want to sleep. I want to celebrate myself and the fact that I am alive and blessed.
I am not sure what lies ahead.
2 of my friends died during child birth. Several friends had complication. There are so many variables now.
I don't even understand why my MIL is more concerned about visitors. It is the last thing on my mind. I know she will never understand what I am going through because she is not my mother and she doesn't really know how I think and process things. I won't even attempt to change her views.
I know that my fears are not baseless. BUT, I also know that they are out of my control and I'd be crazy if I allow my fears to ruin my life.
Tonight, I declare that I give them all up to the Lord. Only the Lord can comfort me and only He can help me.
Lord, I surrender all my fears to you.
Please give me a healthy child, a child free from all forms of diseases. A child that can protect herself, take care of herself, help others and give glory to your name. Please give me a child who can see, hear, speak, play, run and go places. Please give me a child with a good mind and good heart. Give my child everything she needs to survive in this world. The world is tough and I will not always be around to protect her.
Lord I am confident that I will see your goodness in the land of the living.