Ever since I started my journey to conceive last June 2015, I have been scared silly. The process of "trying" requires plenty of trips to the doctor and the lab. I have spent many weeks fearfully waiting for my results and consultations.
In my moments of weakness, I turned to God. At this point, there is nothing I can do but trust Him.
Because I have been slacking off as a wife, my husband has been taking over a lot of the decision-making. My sanity has been on vacation for a while now, and my husband is the only sound person in our household.
He has been keeping it together for both of us for the last few months.
Last night, I opened up to my husband.
I started by thanking him for everything he has been doing. He has been very busy providing and taking care of me. He ensures that I eat right and I take my medicines on time. On top of that, he is running a business, doing stock trading and helping out in his family's business. My husband is a very good man.
But now, I sense he is tired and is on autopilot mode. He is not as affectionate as he was before. In my books, caring is not the same as being affectionate.
I miss the man I fell inlove with and married,
When I opened up to him, he said, "I get scared too. But I can't tell you because I am being strong for both of us. I can't be weak now because, it is your turn."
I heard him.
But I needed to be honest. I told him...
"You can't get your strength from me all the time. I am human and I have my failings. I'm sorry. You have to get most of your strength from God. His love is constant and eternal. I appreciate everything you do for me. But from now on, please try not worry about me so much. Our God hears my prayers and He knows the desires of my heart. And when you feel scared or weak, come to me. Our God will give me strength to comfort you."
It was a good conversation.
I realize sometimes...
Couples stop being lovers because "Life happened".
We need to remind ourselves that we got married not because we want a house, a business, children etc. We got married because we love each other.
It was a blessing, my husband listened and opened up.
Missing my husband,