Friday, 2 October 2015

Reciprocity In Friendship

Sometime ago I heard a profound line from my HR partner, Dang Carpio. She said her motto is, "Live Life Deliberately." I no longer work with Dang but that line stuck in my head.

When I need to make friends. I do it very deliberately. I do it intentionally and with effort.

As a friend, I am generally very thoughtful, caring and generous. When my friends are sick, I send get well soon notes and goodies. Or in the case of one sick friend, it was blood. When my friends celebrate their birthdays, I send greetings and/or gifts. In fact, I even threw a surprise birthday party for a couple of people. When there are celebrations, I make sure I send something small to let them know I am thinking of them. And when times are tough, I make it a point to be there and if I can't make it, I send someone from my family to represent me. Thank God, I only have a few friends. Otherwise, I'd be very tired by now.

At work, it was very easy for me to make friends. But I don't work anymore. Nowadays, I need to make new friends because of new or existing relationships of my husband. Honestly, I find it very uncomfortable but I still try nevertheless. It's not "spontaneous" as I would like it to be.

Because I do it deliberately, it comes with a certain effort. Because of the effort, it becomes very glaring if it is not reciprocated. With patience not being my strongest virtue, if it is not reciprocated...I am never hesitant to stop. After all, it is something I do as a "favor" for my husband... or the people close to me. 

And when I stop, it is very obvious. I have no issue showing people that I am not fond of them. I was never tupperware.

One of the best example of reciprocity is my brother's girlfriend. I don't know if it's a Bacolod trait but she's just so thoughtful. It's impossible not to love her.  If I am not mistaken, it was her who initiated and I reciprocated. She sent flowers to my mom, birthday gifts to me and when I saw her effort, I just welcomed her into my life. 

Then there's my husband's friend Mark, for a guy he is very thoughtful. When he goes abroad, he makes sure he brings a little something. I appreciate that.

And ofcourse my Ilonggo friends are very generous even if they don't have much. Joy brings me vegetables. Last week she gave me pechay and malunggay! 

Because the few friends I have are very generous and thoughtful, it is very easy for me to compare and contrast. And it's easy for me to assess if a person is not worth my friendship. 

I don't believe that blood is thicker than water.  It's highly possible for us to be family but not friends.

If we are not friend (by this I mean, I tried before but you didn't reciprocate)  then, I really think you shouldn't even think of asking me favor or even a question.

Watching Aldub in Eat Bulaga,


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