Friday, 5 December 2014

Why We Fight

S and I, we fight. Oh boy, we fight good.

I occasionally envy couples who never ever fight. But to hope that we will never fight is wishful thinking.

The core reason is revealed by this chart. S is the eldest and the only boy. I am the eldest and the only girl. Our age gap from our siblings is 7-8 years. 

Allow me to dissect each element from this chart.

1. Natural Leader
    He leads. I lead. No one follows.

2. High Achiever
    We are competitive and we more often than not, compete with each other. 
    While I am very proud of my husband, it hurts my pride that when he does something better than me, he makes it a point to rub it on my face. He told me yesterday that he wants a memo pad with the note "I told you" printed on all the pages.  

3. Organized
    S is super organized to the point that he is bordering OCD.  
    I am diagnosed with a mild case of clinical OCD but I manifest it differently. Everything is in order but I  have places where I hide my stuff. Remember Monica from Friends. I am Monica in real life. (FYI, This is just one of many symptoms. The rest are darker.)  So, when S opens my cabinets he gets very agitated when he sees all the things I stuff inside it. He gets very annoyed that I don't close or cap anything and that I don't put things (phones and eyeglasses) in their case. 
My principle simple: Out of Sight, Out of Mind. I have yet to figure out what S' principles on organization are.

4. On Time.
    If it's a work related, I'm on time.  If I'm in Singapore, I'm on time. The rest, time is relative. S is always on time and to make it worst, he is always early. When I was still working in UL, he waited for me for 30 mins- 2 hrs.

5. Know-It-All
   That's me! I "think" I know everything and I get upset if S doesn't know those things which I think are "elementary" information.
   And S knows everything about real life. He got really upset when I tried to clean my Tori Burch leather flats with lotion.
   We are both Know-it-All but on different fields of study.

6. Bossy
   Enough said.

7. Responsible
    I am very responsible. S is very responsible. The problem is when he meddles in things I am responsible for and vice versa. For instance, when he starts cleaning the house which is my jurisdiction. I feel offended. Then, I also want to do finance analysis of his business and give unsolicited consultancy. He feels offended.

8. Adult Pleaser
    This is more S'. I rarely bother.

9. Obeys the Rules
    I love obeying rules. I also read a lot which leads me to learn more rules. I get really upset when S doesn't follow those rules which only I have read about. 
Then S imposes all these societal Fil-Chi rules on me. Like, attending parties where I obviously don't know anyone or understand anything.

So with our fundamentals a mess, the whole  Love and Respect  thing is really a struggle for both of us. 

But because I love my husband, I try.

Do you fight guys fight too? Or are we the sick ones?

Trying to be good,


PS: I didn't make the chart. If anyone knows the original source, please let me know. I  just saw it on my friend's wall.

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