A man who goes home to a happy home is a man ready to face the world.
There is truth to the saying, "HAPPY WIFE, HAPPY LIFE"... especially if that wife is me.
I have a very infectious energy. If I am happy, the entire house or office is happy. I am the type who will organize parties, initiate activities, fuel conversations and anything related to skillful hosting
However, if I am sad...all the curtains are closed and the house is dark. I lose my appetite and no appetite means no cooking. I don't talk. I don't have energy to meet people. The best part is, I bring everyone with me down. I am just a bundle of gloom.
When I am sad, my husband is the one most affected. He feeds on my joy and happiness just like a leech feeds on blood.
Last Sunday, I had a chat with my mother-in-law and she asked about our plans when the little human arrives.
By the sound of it, she seemed really concerned about the impact of the changes on my husband's life.
If he stays up all night, will he be able to do business properly. If I am stressed maybe we will fight and my husband will be cranky at work.
My husband plans to stay home with the child for 30 days during my ge lai so that I can stay true to the objective of CONFINEMENT. But my MIL is concerned that he will miss work for 30 days.
I understand her sentiments because he is her son after all. Of course, she is inclined to be more concerned about his welfare. Now, don't get me wrong, my MIL is a very kind and understanding woman. She is a good mother and she loves her son very much.
However, let me be honest with you that the conversation made me feel that no one cares about me. I am the one who will give birth. And I am giving my husband a child...a child that he asked for because he has no uterus to make one.
My husband explained that during our parents' time, the man is not hands-on. Nowadays, an un-involved father is not macho or cool.
I'm happy I have a very supportive and loving husband but I don't these type of sentiments make me sad.
I am not angry at what was said because I understand.
I am sad because I know this is human nature and hence can't be easily changed.
My in-laws need to understand the dynamics between me and my husband. My husband is very dependent on me for energy. I am dependent on my husband for logic. I am the heart and he is the brains in our home.
If a person's heart is heavy, the mind can't work objectively and worst, the rest of the body succumbs to weakness.
I can maintain the cleanest and the most efficient home, but if I'm not happy, I'm 100% sure my husband will be lost.
Thinking out loud,
L
"And I am giving my husband a child...a child that he asked for because he has no uterus to make one." -- why does this make me think like your husband is the only one who wants this child? Hindi mo rin ba ginusto ang baby ? and you're just going through this because you want to grant your husband his wish ? so if he were indifferent about having a child, you wouldn't ask to have one ?
ReplyDelete----------
I get where your in-laws are coming from. My parents had some not-so-happy feelings when they saw my brother indulging his wife during her pregnancy. One big thing that I remember was him hiring a driver (she had a perfectly normal and uneventful pregnancy). My mom felt that she & bro were being super-OA and my bro was overly indulgent. Mom's words were "ang drama nilang dalawa, may pa driver-driver pa, e wag na kaya siya pumasok sa trabaho ? nagtrabaho ako hanggang araw na manganak ako, kayong dalawa (referring to Achi & me) nag trabaho kayo at nag drive until araw na manganak kayo. Sobrang maarte etong mga to, hindi naman sakit ang pagbubuntis (meaning, pregnancy is not a disease)".
I have to admit that I do feel the same way (that I feel bro / sis-in-law are maarte) but I never liked depending on a driver myself. Kanya kanyang diskarte lang naman in life, diba ? but not wanting to add fuel to the fire, I just said "let them be, you/me/achi did what we had to do at the time. If my husband had wanted to spoil me, I would've sat back and enjoyed it too. I'm sure Achi feels the same way, nagkataon lang that our husbands aren't spoilers. Iba na ngayon, modern na."
As for you, let me relate your situation to how we feel about our bro's wife. We care about her because she makes our bro happy but it is difficult for us to love her for herself kasi hindi naman namin siya kilala. If not for our brother, her husband, she'd be a stranger to us. So can you blame us if she does not come first? And if she has ugali/preferences/quirks that are outside the norms for our family, syempre maninibago kami.
Thankfully, may family ka rin naman and I'm 100% sure that you come first with your side of the family diba ? :)
Thanks for being so un-biased and honest.
DeleteFirst point:
My husband really wanted a child and I'm more in the spectrum of...I'm happy that it's just us... Or it's just me. If meron okay, if wala ok. But with my husband, kulang tlga life without one.
And because I love my husband, cge game even if ang dami kong gamot to get pregnant. As in tumaas sgpt and sgot ko.
Perhaps I exaggerated with that line that I gave him a child because wala syang uterus. Creative license na to express my sadness na parang no one cares about me and I feel like a surrogate.
Point 2:
I exactly see your point.
That is why I said I am not angry because I understand. He is their blood. It is human nature for them to care more about his welfare. I am sad because it is human nature and hence, can not be changed.
In fact, I never really expect my in-laws to love me to the same way as they love each other. That is impossible.
However, my family and friends are so far away. I feel so alone. I feel no one cares about my own welfare...except my husband. Even if my parents care about me...what can they do.
Sa pregnancy ko, no special arrangements din ako. In fact, mas concerned pa inlaws and husbands ko. They just want me to stay at home and don't do chores na. I am very thankful kasi luxury talaga.
Pero minsan naiisip ko...Are they really concerned about me or just the baby? Evil thoughts Lang cguro.
I feel my understanding of this human nature causes my insecurity....
Or Maybe hormones Lang to because I am on my 27th week.
Na delete ko accidentally!!!
ReplyDeleteComment from Didi:
ganito lang yan.
We are only daughters in law. A mere baby factory. That's it. Whatever concern we have - they're oblivious to it.
BUT
when it comes to THEIR daughter/s
ALL BETS ARE OFF.
I wish talaga husbands understand and INTERNALIZE the real meaning of Happy Wife, Happy Life.
DeleteNa fefeel ko nga talaga yang Baby Factory angle. Baby Servicing pa. Kasi after mo na produce may after-sales support pa.
Alam mo, I don't mind na and talaga. Anak ko yan e. I just really don't like being reminded or questioned if wala pa naman. If nag kulang na ako, yes.
Oo My husband needs to internalize it otherwise sya din affected. May walking dark cloud ako na kasama.