Today marks my second year of starting this journal. The day coincides with my 2nd year of sabbatical.
Many things happened in the span of two years. I retired. I got married. I travelled. I adjusted to married life. I studied Spanish! I did a lot of yoga. I helped out in our business. I struggled to conceive. I conceived. And...I shared my journey with all of you.
I wonder if it was very short-sighted to name my journal, ME ON PAUSE. Clearly, life is now moving very fast. I wonder if it's still appropriate
You see, I started writing to document my days of doing nothing after nearly 11 years of doing everything. Hence the title, ME ON PAUSE.
FYI, I did intend to make it read like menopause because "menopause" is also a transitional phase.
Yes, transitional! I had no plans to continue writing. I just wanted to document my "sabbatical". But somehow, my sabbatical keeps getting extended. I wonder if the universe is telling me something.
The original plan was to take 2 years time off from work, simply because I felt I was getting old. I wanted to relax and enjoy things I never had time for.
Then after a year, I started missing work. I told my headhunter to keep me posted but I never found anything I like. Until, last July 2015. I got a job offer from one of the country's top telecom provider
When I was first interviewed I was not yet pregnant. On my final interview with their Senior VP, I had to stop her in the middle of the negotiations to disclose I was on my 5th week. They were still willing to have me and assured me that the company is very supportive to pregnant women and working mothers.
I asked for two weeks to think about it, but I declined the job. I believe it is unfair for the company to have someone senior, new and always missing work for doctor's appointment. I was required to go to the doctor nearly every week during the start of my pregnancy. Scary times.
I received several more inquiries, the most recent one was yesterday. I declined all of that because I am pregnant. I know the companies are hesitant to hire someone who will take a 3-month maternity leave barely 1 year into the job. And frankly, I don't want to join an organization if my focus is not 101%.
Truth be told, I sorely miss having officemates. I miss being part of a team. I feel very sad and resentful when I turn down an offer. I wonder if I can ever work again.
Thankfully, I have a very supportive and loving husband who regularly reminds me that I should take this opportunity to find my passion. He told me that the greatest gift he can give me is the luxury of time for me to figure out what I want to do outside of work.
I am also thankful to all of you who leave comments to share your POV and stories. I don't personally know you but you all make me feel I am not alone.
To be honest, I feel quite sad here in Manila because most of my friends are abroad and my family is in Iloilo. I find myself having no one to share my deepest thoughts with. My circle here in Manila is so small. So, I write instead.
I'm happy that even if I don't attend events and even if I don't promote my blog, I get organic traffic. Perhaps, I am relatable.
I really look forward to getting emails from readers, who tell me their personal struggles in marriage, family conceiving and love! It's so much easier to share with people online!
At the end of the day, I consider "making new friends" as my greatest reward from writing.
THANK YOU ALL VERY MUCH.
PS> if you want to email me! my address is firstname.lastname@example.org