When I was in school, my grades were the most important thing in the world. Every examination I took seemed like a matter of life or death.
Then I started working and my projects became the most important thing in the world. Every obstacle and delay gave me mini heart attacks. Every time my outlook crashed, my heart would literally ache.
Eventually, I turned 30 and realized that I spent most of my youth worrying. So, 5 months before my wedding, I retired from my job of 10 years and decided to take a breather. It was this time that I started this journal, which is why this page is titled ME ON PAUSE.
After 1 year and 6 months of doing "nothing", Here are a few things I realized:
Life never gets any easier.
There will always be problems. So there is no point in taking everything to heart.
Enjoy every boring day for you don't know what chaos tomorrow will bring. When you are happy, savor every second. Get off social media! And when you have a huge problem, take comfort in the thought that "this too shall pass."
Peace of Mind is a Luxury.
Ever since I stopped competing and running after grades, promotions and deadlines, I realize life is simple. SIMPLE IS NOT EASY. Everyday, I wake up and I'm thankful to be alive. I eat my breakfast and I am thankful I have food. And before I sleep, I thank God that I have a comfortable bed. Most importantly, I thank God for any peace of mind I got to enjoy that day. Peace of Mind is probably life's greatest luxury.
Be Mindful of Patterns
Because now I have so much time, I spend most of it listening to people. I realize people have patterns and they repeat the same mistakes over and over and over again. Some are drawn to problematic people, some are drawn to dramatic relationships and some are just looking for love in all the wrong places.
Let me give you an example. I am drawn to powerful men. Note that power is relative. The moment I reach the same level as my partner, I become an asshole. Realizing this pattern, I decided to intentionally let my husband lead and I try not to compete.
Let me give you another example. I know of a relative who was not really loved in her family. She married a man, who was yearning for the appreciation from his own family. She wanted him to give her the love she never received growing up. Every time she felt that he loved his family more than her, she resented the people he loved. The more she resented them, the more he drifted away from her.
Avoid Certain People for Your Own Sanity
There are people who unconsciously drain your energy. You will find yourself insecure, tired, agitated or frustrated after talking with them or even after seeing their posts in Instagram!
There are people who love sharing their woes to just about anyone who is willing to listen. And yet, they seem unwilling to help themselves. All they wish to do is share their misfortunes. Notice that you feel very tired after listening to them.
There are also people who complain about everything and everyone. They can't see how blessed they are. Notice how you feel annoyed after listening to them.
You don't need these people in your life. They rob you of your positive energy. Positive energy is a precious commodity.
Be Responsible for Your Own Happiness.
Many blame their husbands, their bosses, their officemates, their boyfriends and even BINAY! for their unhappiness or annoyance. Truth is, only you can cheer yourself up. Take it from a semi-depressed girl. I tell you, when my demons are in town, not even Mr. Bean himself can make me laugh.
I really have to make an effort to go out, greet the sun, say hello to our plants and just be thankful for what I have. This routine is effective in putting a smile on my face.
Everything Ends and Everybody Dies.
This is the worst realization but this is something I wish I learned earlier in life. This last learning is the inspiration behind the first few paragraphs and the very reason why I wrote this post.
In my quest to be top of my class, I failed to enjoy many things as a kid. FYI: Youth ends. In my quest to be on top my career, I spent so much time away from home. Now, my parents are old with white hairs. Thank God they are still alive. I still have time.
The wise Solomon said in Ecclesiastes 9: 7,9,10
So what I come to realize is...
Doing "nothing" is the best thing I can do today. For really, there is nothing I can do but live. I realize now that I was so busy, I didn't have time to live. The time I had outside of chasing after my goals, I spent to rest and I forgot to enjoy the blessings God gave me.
Thank God, I still have time.