I think by now you have picked up that I seem to have a bit of OCD in me. Yes, you are right! I have a mild case of CLINICAL OCD. It means, I was diagnosed by a psychiatrist to have it.
How does it manifest in my life?
I fixate on things and thoughts and that results in compulsions. Example:
1. I fixate on electricity bill, so I keep checking if the lights are off.
2. I worry about being robbed, so I check the locks 3-4x.
3. I worry about sickness, so I keep going to the doctor.
4. I'm obsessed with cleanliness so I fixate on the hairs on the floor and I vacuum every morning and every night.
Those are the very basic and more frequent examples.
There are also those instances that I fixate on a thought or a problem. In such cases...
...the best solution is to either sleep it off or divert the mind. If I can't...then the "thought" feels like a very bad itch on my brain. I want to scratch it so bad. Obviously, I can't scratch my brain!
The worst thing you can say to a person like me is..."Don't worry about it!" Do you honestly think I like to worry?
At its worst, my mild OCD can result to temporary depression, usually lasting from 1-2 weeks. It usually happens during instances that I can't fix or address the issue. The sense of hopelessness is overwhelming. Sadness for me is very physical. I feel like there is a block of brick on my chest and it feels very heavy. I would lie flat on the floor to feel relief.
The worst thing you can tell a person who is depressed is..."Don't be sad." Do you think I like being sad?
Since I don't take medications such as SSRIs, I do behavioral therapy on my own.
If I worry about something, I need to proactively find a distraction or I avoid the stimulus altogether. I also read the bible so that I can hold on to God's promise.
I find that running helps a lot. The hardest part though is getting out of the house but the rest is easy. The rush of endorphins after a 45 minute run helps immensely.
For people like me, happiness can seem elusive.
A single thought or a single thing can easily disrupt my sanity. It takes a degree of effort for me to regain peace and happiness again. As a result, I am watchful of the information I consume. Since I gravitate towards negativity, I have to make an extra effort to focus on the good. I also avoid people and instances that can cause me distress.
The good news is I am fully functional! Infact, my OCD helped me a lot when I was working. It
made me meticulous, orderly and detailed. I was a perfectionist. If I fixated on a project, for sure it got done!
OCD can addressed through medication, behavioral therapy or both. I chose to train my mind instead because SSRIs alter my feisty personality. I felt like a walking zombie and it just wasn't me.
The mind is like a wild horse. It needs to be tamed and trained. Otherwise, it can take you to the darkest of places. The amazing thing is, you can tame and train it. That is the beauty of the mind. It behaves if you attempt to control it.
If you think you have OCD or Depression, do go to a psychiatrist! A consulatation is just 500-1000 php. Do it for the people around you! People with OCD are quite hard to live with.
What if you are lucky enough to win depression in the lottery? Well, people around you can wear clown costumes, do magic tricks and do cartwheels and none of that will cheer you up. They will just end up feeling frustrated and unappreciated.
Don't be ashamed to go to the psychiatrist, psychologist or a counselor. It's perfectly normal and healthy! And besides, normal is relative!
In deep thoughts,