Wednesday, 12 August 2015

Question: Lover's Past

Eto pang Miss Universe...

Question: If it has come to your attention that your husband or fiancĂ© cheated on another woman so that he could be with you, what will you do and why? 




  1. It would be very difficult for me to get past it. Most probably hindi rin magtatagal ang relationship namin.

    If he cheated on another woman to be with me, then it would also mean that he cheated on me too. I would never have gone out with a man who was still involved with someone else - if type ko siya and he is already with someone when we met each other, I'll wait while he concludes that other relationship.

    Ngayon, ginawa pa nya akong other woman ? Querida ? Maski technically hindi ko naman kasalanan, I'd feel so unclean.

    Next, I'd probably have a lot of trouble trusting him. That time, he cheated on another woman to be with me. How can I be sure that he won't cheat on me if he meets someone he likes / loves more ? I'd always have that insecurity.

    1. What if you found out and you are married na?

      Context: My friend is the woman who was cheated on.

      However my other friends know the wife now and were tempted to tell the bride a week before the wedding. Pero this guy/groom informed my friend a month and a half before the wedding that he will start dating, un pala he will get married na.

      To be fair, he wasn't with my friend during the wedding BUT. Yes, safe to assume that nagsabay at one point.

      Worst! He asked my friend if they can still be friends after the wedding. My friend has a good head on her shoulders so she declined.

      So, I wonder if ako ung bride and this came to my attention...what should I do?

    2. Nako, if you do the math with these factors in mind:

      a) 1.5 months before the wedding lang sinabihan ni guy si friend mo that he will start dating, ayun pala ikakasal na.
      b) you cannot plan a wedding in 1.5 months, maski yata quickie civil wedding sa city hall, hindi ganong kadali
      c) impossible naman that the current wife agreed to marriage agad when she met the guy

      Conclusion: yung overlap nila where guy was dating 2 women at the same time must have spanned several months at the very least. And imagine that both women were clueless? OFW ba si guy ? or works in a remote area ? If yes, then medyo naintindihan ko kung pano nya napagsabay. If not, diba nakakatakot yun ? Ang galing ni lalake magtago, ang galing nya manloko. And I can't imagine how his closest friends and family could be clueless too, so ibig sabihin lahat sila nakisakay sa kalokohan ni guy. Pinagtakpan nila.

      This is a big trust issue for me. Even if he were faithful to me - how can I ever be 100% sure? E nagawa nya before w/o the woman knowing.

      Your friend should thank her lucky stars that she dodged the bullet.

      Now, the situation gets a bit trickier from the side of the now-wife. Say, her friends were to tell her 1 week before the wedding, what do they expect her to do? Cancel the wedding in 1 week? Awayin si groom? Mag "runaway bride"? Bakit naman 1 week before the wedding chaka sasabihin ? Doon lang ba nila nalaman? Or they couldn't decide whether they wanted to be the bringer of bad news kaya umabot sa ganong point? Feeling ko, if you're a friend, you should tell your friend ASAP. Kung tumahimik ka na rin until 1 week before the wedding, e tumahimik ka na kasi tapos na rin naman, don't muddy the waters at this point (unless alam mong the guy is still cheating, ibang usapan yun).

      May friend ako dati who knew that my ex-bf was cheating on me, hindi sya nagsalita until after we broke up. One time, napikon ako when she told me for the nth time (out of the blue) "he really is an a$$, nanliligaw siya sa akin even when you were together". Ang sagot ko, "what's your motive in telling me now when it does not make any difference anymore? you don't think that I know he's an a$$ or do you just want to emphasize how stupid I was? I needed you to tell me about it while we were still together because I could have done something about it then but now, wala nang point." Tahimik siya and walang nagsalita for a long time. We still say hi/hello but we're not really friends now. Come to think of it, she was never really a friend.

      Anyway, if I were the bride, mapapasubo ako and would go ahead and marry him anyway just because of the time frame. Practical ako na tao and hindi ko naman pinangarap na ma-chismis at ma-skandalo pa sa pamilya. It would be difficult to get my family to understand and sympathize with me if I were to call the wedding off because technically, I am not the victim (not directly, anyway). Paano ko i justify yun? I can't really say how much time I would need to call the wedding off pero siguro pag hindi pa nabibigay ang invitations (I think in our case, it was a month before the wedding), mas kaya ko pa siguro umatras.

      After kami ikasal, I'd be vigilant - watch where his money is going, watch his expenses, credit cards... and I'd be mindful of his time too. Kung may oras na unexplained, magtatanong ako.

    3. Yes I tell my friend all the time that she may not see it now kasi masakit pa but when everything has settled down she will realize how lucky she is.

      Sabi ko nga sa Facebook ko... "Do you know that deception is a measure of intelligence among animals? Therefore I conclude men who cheat are very smart animals."

      So yes ang talink at ang galing Talaga.i can't imagine how someone can be affectionate to a girl when he is also affection to another. Talent talaga.

      Ang Hirap mag plan ng kasal and considering they got the country's top videographer, photographers, coordinator....mapapaisip ka Talaga.

  2. i have this belief that once he can cheat FOR you..he will eventually also cheat ON you. it's basic human behaviour like once you've done it once and you were successful at it, you'll continue to wonder what if you do it again. so ako, his past matters to me. luckily, i was P's first (and last) so yay! :)

    1. I do believe that people can change, especially if they rekindle their faith to God (not to a person).

      However, I am a strong believer of Karma. I will definitely be praning at first. I will need to sow good karma seeds to ensure hindi ko pagbabayaran ang pagkakamali nya.

      I think....I will even consider apologizing on his behalf.

  3. I will be flattered that I was worth committing bad things for to be with. I'm like the forbidden apple in the garden of Eden. Hahaha.

  4. Based on the comments I'm reading it seems guys are viewed as the ones who always cheat. How about girls? They have the same level of vulnerability to cheat as guys.

    1. I agree with you! Girls cheat too! I don't have any female friends who cheated though so apologies if my post seems bias. I wrote this in the context of what recently happened to my friend. see my reply to popcorn :)

  5. I know of a couple na sort of ganito. The guy was in a relationship when he met his wife. He pursued the wife but the wife said, break-an mo ng tuluyan ang GF mo, then come to me. So what the husband did was break off with his then GF, courted the new GF who eventually became his wife.

    Today - the ex gf - the husband and wife are really good friends.

    1. I think the wife did the right thing. I think there is nothing wrong naman when you were both attached pa. It happens! But I believe end right para you can start right

    2. Eto yung ideal course of action for me - break off your existing ties first before starting a new relationship.

      Unfortunately, meron ring mga babae na parang walang respeto sa sarili at sa ibang babae & are willing to poach. Long ago, a guy I know who was engaged to be married already (in the midst of wedding planning na sila ng fiancee nya) got cold feet and started dating another girl. Di ko mapalampas when I learned and given na medyo close naman kami ni guy, kinausap ko sya.

      As it turns out, the fiancee knows that he's dating someone else. Parang feeling nya, if you're having doubts, Sige, date someone else and get rid of your itch. They did get married and are very happy together.

      As for the 3rd party lady, she knew about the gf/fiancee but she didn't really care. Her attitude, according to my guy friend, was "relationship nyo yan so it's between you & her, labas na ako dyan. All I'm concerned about is you and me and if I like you and you like me, edi tayo na". This lady, apparently, is a regular party girl and a dakilang itch-scratcher (for lack of a better term), siya yung nakaka affair ng a few more guys who were getting cold feet just before getting married. I know of at least 2.

      Last I heard, this lady has 3 kids and has separated from her husband. Karma. I do feel bad for her kids though, a child should have both parents.

    3. Immediate reaction Talaga ung "dating another" noh? Pag confused, date another. Pag sad, date another. Pag nag break, date another" . Minsan testing your market value really helps validate your worth and your choices... Ang pagmamahal talaga ay masalimuot. #loveisabattlefield!