Friday, 14 August 2015

Filipino-Chinese Relationships: All I Am Asking For... Is A Chance

I saw this in my comment inbox today.  The person, who wrote this "comment" clearly poured her heart out to share her story. I believe her comment deserves a "time under the sun".


This article just hit home. I am in a very similar situation and its getting complicated every minute of everyday. 

My family is just 50% Chinese but nevertheless still very conservative and traditional and my boyfriend is pure Filipino. 

Early into the relationship my parents keep on telling me to break up with him and was given an ultimatum. If I will continue to defy them they will strip me off every little pleasures I enjoy, which includes cell phone, night outs, license, car (and yes being grounded in this century still exist). 

I do understand where they are coming from in fact I know that they have my best interest in mind. but the approach is just out of context and is just simply wrong in all accounts. 

While on the other side, I am welcomed with open arms in his family. And this really just breaks my heart into pieces. 

Basically the main reason for the disapproval is because he is a Filipino. According to them, they perceived him as someone who will just attach to our so called "wealth" that my parents have earned althroughout their lives. Furthermore it'll be a "disgrace" to the family if a non-Chinese suitor enters our lives. 

I can say they are very sensitive when it comes to saving face. We are surrounded by people who criticize our every move, especially the mistakes we make. To put it into simpler terms: your demise is their happiness and your sufferings are their entertainment-or at least that's what i am told. but in some cases it does happen so I guess they are just being careful but its being taken into the extremes to the point where prejudices and wrong judgement finally surfaces.

My boyfriend isn't exactly just someone on the street like they think he is. Let's  just say he's well off on the same level as we are in fact, whether or not he is under his family's roof or on his own. He's  very independent and very responsible but my parents just seems to always give in to stereotypical prejudices how non-chinese boyfriends/husbands are going to treat their ladies.

 I beg to disagree, in every ethnicity, society, religion, country their is always a balance of good and bad. There is no extremes of good nor extremes of bad. 

All i am asking is a chance. 

And they wont even give him a chance. They keep on saying that we don’t know the family background etc but how will they ever know if they won’t give him a chance. 

I  just wish and pray that they will open their hearts and minds to the type of person I came to love I can’t just leave my family. 

Being in a Chinese family, we all know that filial piety is very important and giving back to your parents is essential. 

I don’t want to reach to a point wherein I have to choose between him and my family. I just wish they would see the situation in my perspective. And I just really hope that one day they will understand me with open hearts. 

At this point me and my boyfriend trying to be strong despite the troubles around us. We keep telling ourselves to never give up but i can’t help but wonder what if we fail, what if they really will not open up to us being together what happens to us?to him? To me?



Dear Anonymous, 

Thank you for your comment/story. 

I don't know your name or how old your are...but I wish that you and your boyfriend find happiness. 

I believe that in every relationship, it is really important to get your parent's blessings. And I hope that someday (if not soon) they will give it to you.  Because truth be told, life is already hard as it is.  It doesn't help if there's too much drama di ba.

It's tiring to always defy all odds. 

I wish you well. Hugs! 




  1. I would like to ask sana Anonymous if she is 50% Chinese, what is the other half?
    I realized one thing by being a parent. We would like our kids to experience the same luxuries in life that we provide them. It is not our intent to place money above love - but what we worry is that if our kids would be able to experience the same things that we have provided them. It's painful to see your kids not having the luxuries that they once had. Yes. Love is love, but I believe that it doesn't conquer all. I used to also question parents decision to disapprove of their kids chosen BF, but then I realize that they see things that we don't. If you truly believe that your Pinoy BF is really worth it then whatever obstacle is thrown at you, accept it with open arms. In the end, if you truly feel that you both are meant to be then time is your friend. Don't rush it, let it linger. If you feel *pressured* with filial piety, then for me it's not *true* love.

    I hate to burst the *love* bubble because at a young age, it's what we have envisioned it to be. But as an adult - I would say, love disappears. Love fades, Love changes its mind. Love is not forever. Companionship is.

    But that is just me.

    I've seen friends and family go through this and it breaks my heart to see both parents and children cry and fight over this. But it's inevitable - we live in the Philippines!

    There is this song that I will forever associate with Fil-Chi relationships - it's SOMEDAY WE'LL KNOW by the New Radicals. Listen to the song and feel it. Feeling ko talaga na that song was meant for Fil-Chi relationships.

    You will understand this when you have kids. Believe me.

    But right now - sige lang. Okay lang yan.

    Good luck!

    Love, Didi

    1. Kaya nga I also asked how old na si anonymous. Kasi at some point mapapagod ka rin sa "you and me against the world" drama e. So agree ako sayo didi. Take your time, enjoy and if it's meant to be it's meant to be. Hehe yan din advise sa babymaking hahha