Thursday, 6 November 2014


When you hear the word "submissive", what comes to mind?

A martyr? 
A loser?
An abusive relationship?
50 shades of Grey?

In BDSM (Bondage & Discipline, Sadomasochism & Masochism),  the submissive takes the passive receiving role. The submissive obeys the dominant. 

I won't talk about BDSM because I do not practice this erotica. I do not wish to judge people who are into these erotic practices. Personally, I do not like giving or inflicting pain. The very thought of it horrifies me, which is why I never finished the book. QUE HORROR!

Now, I'm pretty sure that a number of you have read "50 Shades of Grey." I won't ask if you enjoyed this porno version of Twilight.  I promise not to judge you by your literary choices. You are my friend.

Let's face it. Who doesn't want a RICH, MYSTERIOUS Guy, who is always IN-CONTROL?  I just don't want him to spank me because if he does, I swear, I will show him some serious Muay Thai moves.

Come to think of it, I have never been attracted to weak guys. But I have dated nice (meek, weak, passive) guys. Needless to say, those relationships never lasted. I ended up castrating nearly all of them, figuratively ofcourse.

With utmost honest,  I can admit to you that I was wrong. 

Then I met S, the eldest and the only boy in a pure Fil-Chi family. His ego is bigger than Kim Kardashian's ass. 

Prior to marriage, I found this ego quite attractive. Infact, I found it sexy when it was expressed in business and stocks. But after marriage, it became quite frustrating.

It is a good thing that I am currently reading this book "Love and Respect" by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs.

This was given to me by one of my bridesmaid, Josette. Perhaps, she knew that our egos would clash  the moment our honeymoon period ended.

Submission, in the context of this book, is respecting my husband. We are talking about UNCONDITIONAL RESPECT here. 

Husbands, or men in general, need to be respected. The problem is, nowadays women have achieved so much (if not more) in life. It is very hard to give unconditional respect when you feel that you have equal capabilities and equal voice. 

As woman, I believe that if I'm on the right in an argument, I will fight for it. If I see a flaw or an opportunity for my husband to improve, I feel it is my duty to correct him. And  if I feel he has a big adversary, I feel it's my mission to fight the battle in his behalf. I want to be a partner, a mentor and mother in one. I mean well.

I'm a sucker for efficiency. I want to correct now so that we can be effective now. I want to discuss now so that we can agree now. Patience is not my virtue.

Patience is a mandatory virtue for all wives.

It may take a while for my husband to come to the same conclusions as me. It may take a while for him to share my sentiments. But I have to respect his process. I have to be patient even if I am itching to resolve everything in 1 hour.


I raise a concern about his annual business targets. I ideally want him to respond with a plan during that very meeting. The moment I do not see the same level of PASSION and ENTHUSIASM, I feel agitated. I feel that he is not interested. That or he doesn't have a clue. And my instincts tell me to take over the meeting and answer my own questions.

This is wrong. I stop myself.

I must be patient. And respect his silence. I have to listen and respect his answers, however "eeerr" they may seem to be. 

Hard no?

Why wait for him to come up with the right plan, if I already have one.



It is hard.

My intentions are good. Unfortunately,  if I am impatient and step into his role, my husband will feel that such actions undermine his capabilities. 

And so I stop myself. And yet, my eyeballs have lives of their own. This too is a sign of disrespect.

When a wife, disrespects her husband, he becomes unloving towards her. Thus begins the "Crazy Cycle", which I will talk about next time.

For now, I am trying to be submissive by respecting my husband. It is very hard. I think and act very fast, almost impulsively.  S is more calculating and discerning. I need to adjust. 

If you happen to find a pill for patience, please mail them to me. I need patience to be submissive so that I can effectively respect my husband.

Submissive in Progress,


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