Awake

I was so tired so I slept.

I slept for months. It was as if my mind naturally fell into a state of coma. Apart from the occasional bursts of inspiration and panic attacks, it was a fairly sound sleep.

For the first time in a long time, I was able to enjoy "Shavasana". My mind was empty. I was really at peace. My eyes, my heart ...they learned to smiled.

Then just like that I woke up. After 9 months, I woke up.



So here I am. I am back from wonderland and I don't have a plan.

The whole time I was sleeping, I didn't dream. I didn't search for my passion as I originally intended to. I must have been that tired.

I woke up and sadness and confusion greeted me.

I feel I have no purpose. If I die tomorrow, the world will go on without me. This realization is quite overwhelming. My heart frowned. It's so heavy. My chest is painful.

I feel lost.

It's a good thing my husband is here to remind me how blessed and how loved I am.

If only he can ward my demons away. If only.

Only I can do that. I have to fight my own demons. I am accountable for my own happiness  mental stability.

Yes, I am awake. What's next? What have I always wanted to do but never got to do because I was too busy?



Awake,

L