Monday, 28 April 2014

Day 72: The Art of Passive Aggressiveness

If there is one thing my fiancè hates, it's when he "thinks" I am being condescending.

The tricky thing though is that, it's merely an assumption formed by observing intonation, facial expressions, physical gestures  and combining it with past experiences. 

Hence, it is not always true.

However, given past experiences,  it's fair to say that he has the right to cast doubts on my innocence.

I have learned to never give a solution right away.

I find  that vague responses and open-ended questions are often times more powerful. If I respond to a question with a question, the person asking THINKS and BECOMES EMPOWERED and ACCOUNTABLE for the solution.

However, since I use the same method for manipulation and coaching, it casts doubt on the credibility of my technique/intentions.

Today, we learned in church that as women, we must not direct or command our men. We must only suggest and even in doing so, we must be very careful that we are speaking the words of God and not evil. 

We must think carefully and pray before we give our suggestions. We must never pressure our men to act in haste.

As much as possible, we must allow them to lead the family and make all the critical decisions. 

I looked at S...and said "I'm doing exactly that everytime I say,'Do whatever you think is best' di ba?".

S responded, "But sometimes, you roll your eyes"

"What?! I definitely do not"

He continued, " or sometimes you stare at me and you have that tone"

"What tone?" 

It was a funny conversation. I wish I could hear my tone too. He should record it.  

Females have mastered the art of passive aggressiveness to the point that we are doing it almost instinctively.

I'm glad he opens up about these things rather than allow the animosity to form in his heart. I feel blessed that we can discuss sensitive matters from finance, family, successes, failures and frustrations. 

However, I think we need to listen to other couples and learn from them. I feel that our method is not always effective because there are times that I am not supportive and there are times that I feel he doesn't really understand me.

This makes me look forward to the Before I Do  seminar in CCF. I'm so excited because one my favorite  blogger, Joy Tanchi Mendoza will be speaking with her husband, Edric. 

I want to learn how to communicate better with S and at the same time, learn on how we can make God the center of our lives. 

More importantly...I want to learn techniques on How to Listen! Oh I hope they teach that!

It is so timely!! The date is right smack in the middle of our preps! After days of stressing over silly details, God sent us a reminder that it is our MARRIAGE that matters...not the wedding...not the reception..not the creative elements.

And for our marriage to work, S and I must learn to communicate PROPERLY and honestly and lovingly.  And Listen!

I'm very excited that S shares my excitement! I can't wait til May 10.

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