A Letter To My Daughter Written On My First Mother's Day

Dear Giuliana,

As I watch you sleep in my arms, I can't help but feel a tug in my heart. 

You are so helpless now. I am your only source of sustenance and comfort. 

You need me. I am your world.

When I breastfeed you,  I feel that I have the most important job and I'm the most important person in your life. It's something that no one else can give you but me.

Giuliana, I was so worried that my life will be over the moment I become a mom. But when I held you in my arms for the first time, I realize my life is just about to begin. 

I realize that the life I had before you had no reason. It was filled with excitement, success, love and happiness but it had no reason. 

I had no reason to live. Infact, I didn't mind dying anytime. 

I have built walls to protect my heart from pain.

But when I held you, your small hands tore down all the walls I have built and I can't protect myself from loving you. I know that loving you will make me vulnerable to all type of emotions, emotions I'd much rather avoid. 

I am your world now but I can almost see the future.

I know that by the time you become a teenager, you will want to be with your friends instead of me and daddy. When you turn 20, you will want to be on your own. 

My time with you is so short. 

I don't want to sleep because I'm scared that time will run out in a blink of an eye.

You are not mine Giuliana. I only brought you into this world...but you are not mine. 

You are your own person. 

God only gave you to me so that I have a few years to have purpose and meaning. 

Every night, I pray that God gives you everything you need to survive life without me. 

I promise that I will teach you to be self-sufficient, strong and confident. 

Most importantly,I promise to love you and to give you a childhood filled with happiness. 

I love you Giuliana. 

Yours always,

Mommy