One of the blogs I religiously read is nonstopbabble.com. S met the author, Patty, together with the other SOMOMS when he shared his then new brand with them over lunch. He told me that Patty is a mom, a former corporate warrior like me and breast cancer survivor, who radiates an aura of optimism.
Now, I've never met Patty but judging from her blog, S gave a pretty accurate description.
A couple of days ago, she posted WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE? and it got me thinking...
If there was something about you, a quality which you don’t really admire in yourself … what would it be? What would you change
My first answer is definitely my Temper.
I used to have a really bad temper when I was still working. I was very perky and bubbly at work and I bottled up all my frustrations and disappointments. The moment I got into the car and I let my guard down, a small push in the wrong direction could really set me off.
When I panicked, I used to react by getting mad and by blaming S.
Once I have calmed down, I would apologize but I felt really bad for losing it to begin with.
As a type A person, I am very organized and I get impatient and agitated if things don't go as planned.
To a large extent, S is also like me but he handles pressure so much better. Maybe it's true that men can compartmentalized issues better than women.
Without the stress from work, S noticed that I am more relaxed and more patient with him and with the things around me.
Yoga helped a lot too. Breathing the right way actually clears my head. S jokes that my head is now empty! Yoga also forced me to be patient with myself because it's really frustrating that I can't reach my own toes. If I'm not patient with myself, I will surely walk out of the class!
Avoiding the news also helped...hahaha! Everytime I see Bong and Jinggoy, I literally get chest pains.
I also started choosing who to talk to. I avoid loud and/or shallow people because they trigger my impatience.
I'm afraid though that while my patience levels have improved, it's still not to the levels that I want it to be.
I have very low tolerance for people with low self awareness. I don't like people who lack humility and people who say things they should keep to themselves. They make me lose my center. I end up snapping (ie angry again) and saying things that I soon regret.
But I continue working on my patience still...
Lastly, I started praying the right way again. I kneel down, close my eyes and remember all my blessings for that day. Praying helped me rant less and appreciate more.
I'm so much happier now that I have simplified my life. I still miss my work, my income and the people in the office but life is all about choices.
AND IM CHOOSING TO CHANGE MYSELF.
Still on Pause,