REWIND: MY AFRICAN SAFARI EXPERIENCE part I

11 years ago, when my GBF saw me walk into the office, he knew I  was a charity case. Mix took it upon himself to train me on the art of living well and to introduce the concept called LUXURY.

Ofcourse, I hesitated.

And then my boss died. He was only 35 years old and he died suddenly. I panicked. I thought to myself that Life is too short and youth is ever so fleeting. I must enjoy life. Now. AS IN, NOW NA!

So, when we went to Durban, we decided to splurge on our first Safari Experience. We had been to South Africa a couple of times in the past but this was the first time we decided to go on a safari trip.

Why? Because,  I was cheap and a safari tour is expensive. 

We went to a private game reserve that promised to have the BIG 5s: The lion, the elephant, the buffalo, the rhinoceros, the leopard. These are the 5 most difficult animals to hunt on foot. Eventually the term was adopted by Safari tour operators for marketing purpose. Thus, it appears on most websites and brochures. 

We stayed in our very own BUSH SUITE.

Each of the 9 bush suites in the reserve were self-contained for absolute privacy and shaped like a traditional Zulu homestead.

We had our own deck, where there was a private pool.

Day 87: The Story On Why We Have Ke Tseng

My 2 closest friends arrived yesterday all the way from the USA and Singapore. They have planned to go on a Binondo Food Trip and to help me on my scavenger's hunt for my dowry.

I wonder if most fil-chi understand the history and rationale behind each item. Most are aware of the symbolism. When we went to the store to buy the items, they were just parroting sentiments likes... "This brings luck", "This brings sons" etc.

For the non-Chinese reading this blog, allow me to explain what I know based on the Chinese literatures I have read.

In the ancient times, many Chinese parents didn't want to have girls because it was like feeding someone who would never be of use to the family. When the girls were married off, they would be serving their inlaws. Most were treated very badly but they endured this because they too would have their chance to torment the wives of their sons. Ahhh yes, the cycle of cruelty!

Simply put: Having daughters WAS like raising livestocks that you would never get to feast on.

When a girl was married off,  her family would give her dowry so that she would not be a burden to her new family.  You must understand that in the ancient times (even until now) the girl would move into the home of the boy's parents.

THIS IS THE MAIN REASON BEHIND THE KE TSENG.  Luck, Fertility and other what-have-yous are nice wrappings.

As I gather the items, I will share the meaning with you (I'm obviously not done yet).

In my own opinion, Chinese or not, a girl will need a dowry if they have no plans to LEAVE AND CLEAVE (ie if they plan to live with the boy's parents) after wedding.

In my case, some of the items in the list are causing more headaches than peace of mind. The home,that S is preparing, is the wrong canvas for anything Chinese or Red or Gold.  The glaringly red Chinese items will be an eyesore! 

Here are the stuff I got today:

Day 86: The Meaning of the Comb and The Suyod

While it may sound really strange to have SUYOD as one of my dowry, it actually stands for something meaningful.

And it has nothing to do with KUTO (LICE).

I read that on the eve of the wedding, my father will use to comb to comb my hair from head to foot three times. Then he will use the suyod in the same way but only this time he will do it only twice.

This gesture symbolizes the beginning of my new and hopefully TANGLE FREE life.

After this, I will put the comb and suyod back into the jewelry box because I will need to bring this box with me as I journey to the wedding ceremony.

Here's my jewelry box from MAKE ROOM

And my comb and suyod from Binondo.

Notice that every item has a sang hee sticker. The stickers stand for DOUBLE HAPPINESS.

 Di Lang happy, happy happy talaga.

I'm quite concerned that if my hair will have tangles on the night that my dad will do the combing ritual, it could mean bad luck. 

I wonder what is the best tangle free shampoo and conditioner I should use???

Still On Pause,

L

Day 85: Before I Do

We almost didn't make it to the "Before I and After I Do" seminar.  The night before, we had a big fight which carried well into the following day. 

We fought about my fear of not having money. It's not about me needing money from him. It's  about me not having money to reciprocate the generosity he is extending to me. 

Last February 15, I retired from a very good paying job in preparation for marriage. I figured this is my last chance to be stupid and selfish. I wanted to focus on my "Eat, Pray, Love" phase. 

With freedom comes poverty. I feel really uncomfortable spending my savings even if I have more than enough to last me several years of unemployment. Psychologically, I feel constrained. I feel I could no longer give him nice gifts and take him to nice dinners like I used to. I feel embarrassed that recently, he is the only one spending.

S didn't understand this fear despite what I thought to be a very good explanation. For S, he felt that I am still doubting his capability to provide despite all he has given me. He felt insulted. 

How he came to understood it to be that way was beyond me. 

I tried all the tricks in the book. I tried to make him repeat what he said and then repeat what I said and then asked him if what we said are aligned. He still didn't understand.

Needless to say, I felt very frustrated.

I started thinking that our marriage will be filled with miscommunications such as this. I felt even more frustrated with myself because I was unable to get my thoughts across despite me knowing techniques from attending Stephen Covey's 7 Habits of Effective People workshop, Coaching for Line Managers workshop, Effective Presentation workshop and from reading Theories of Transactional Analysis. I feel I have used all the tricks I learned from workshops I attended and from the book I read and none were working.

I started questioning if it is still right for me to consider not working after I get married. Worst, I started thinking if I should even get married

I thought once I'm married, I'll continue my career sabbatical for another year or two (or even forever) so that I can focus and enjoy being a Home Manager. I also wanted to be a SARAH and serve my husband.  I wanted to give him the opportunity to Lead and Provide, while I serve him and manage the house. 

 I knew that if I continue working, I will be busy and I will not have time to do any of that. I also know myself well. I know that if I work, I will have enough pride to undermine my husband. I have a solid track record in emotionally emasculating men.

S, however, has not attended any seminars or read any books in communication. He is also not familiar with his bible. It means we were both coming from different backgrounds, hence the obvious cause of our misunderstanding(s).

After the emotional rupture in the car, S took full control of the situation and drove us to CCF in Pasig. I went into the venue with a very heavy heart.

Then, John Ong Spoke about the roles of the husband. He said, "One of the key roles of the husband is to protect his wife not only from physical harm but also from negative feelings, including fear"

S looked at me, held me hands and whispered "I'm sorry".

Praise God!
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Intermission: THE OTHER WOMAN

Why do "some men cheat?

Why do “some” men lie?

Bakit pa nambabae si Adrian, eh ang ganda naman ni Monica?

Hmmmm…. I have a very unpopular theory: 

Maybe some men are just insecure with their dicks. Maybe the more secure a guy is with his manhood, the more likely he will keep it in his pants.

That is my theory. Please don't kill me for saying it.

Freud had different theories on cheating based on the ID, EGO and the SUPER EGO. But I won’t get into that now. Although I'm sure that will make an interesting post as well.

Today, I was lucky enough to be invited by my friend, Cher (author of chercabulasmindbox.com)  to watch the premier of “THE OTHER WOMAN”.

 Iba po to sa NO OTHER WOMAN ha! THE vs NO

The movie stars Cameron Diaz, Leslie Mann and Kate Upton.  While Cameron Diaz is the flagship star of this movie, hands down, the movie belonged to LESLIE MANN. 

Her type of crazy and ditsy acting + humorous script + great chemistry+ perfect timing, made the 120 min movie seem like a 20 min TV show.  There was seriously never a dull moment all throughout the movie. The audience were laughing their heads off and clapping their hands.

Aside from their funny revenge tactics, my eyes were glued to Leslie's outfit  It reminded me Laura Ashley and Kate Spade designs. (Note to Self: Plan a shopping trip.)

I also just have to mention that I love the production design. The lamps in Cameron Diaz’s home were gorgeous. (Sorry, S’ obsession on lamps has infected my brains. Gaaad! He has been talking about it nonstop since saturday.)

When I googled for some pictures to use in this post, I saw that this movie actually has some  bad reviews. Please don't let those bad reviews stop you from seeing this movie.

Admittedly, this is not the “wittiest” comedy of the year. Many critics accused its humor of being too contrived, lame or feeble. I  respect their opinion but I disagree.

This is a movie you will want to watch with your girlfriends, ideally after a breakup. And trust me when I say, best not to watch it with your boyfriend if he has cheated on you or if you are suspecting him to be cheating on you.

And for the smarty pants who want to watch more serious movies, skip this movie and watch this one instead.

“The Other Woman” opens May 7, 2014.

Day 79: KE TSENG LIST

KE TSENG is the Chinese tradition of giving DOWRY.  It comes after the TING HUN (engagement)  but before the KAN CHIU (wedding). It is usually prepared by the girl's family. 

Here's the list I am working on:

1. Round/Oval Mirror 

2. Appliances ( I'm getting a microwave,a toaster, a hot kettle since the rest will be bought by S)

3. Luggage

4. Red Umbrella

5. A pair of Red Sanghee Bath Towels

6. A pair of Red Sanghee Hand Towels

7. Happy Couple Figurine

8. Red Fan

9. Comb and Suyod (?? I don't know why I need a suyod. I guess just incase I get kuto)

10. Candy Tray

11. Chinese Tea Set

12. Chinese Bowls and chopsticks

14. Dragon and Phoenix Figurine

15. Buddha with Kids Figurine

16. 3 Wise Men Figurine

17. A Pair Of Prosperity Lamps

18. A Pair of Red Slippers/ Shoes

19. A pair of enamel potty or arenola

20. Sewing Kit

21. Basin and Dipper

22. Baby Bath Tub filled with personal toiletries

23. Red Sanghee robe

24. Red Sanghee Bed sheets

25. Lots and Lots of Yen Chi

I'm almost done. My friend from Singapore and my aunt from Hong Kong got me some of the stuff on the list. 

My Mother-in- Law is just checking the dates of the VIEWING. We will make a fun day out of it so I am excited!

Once I have everything, I'll take pictures and explain the meaning of each item on this list. For now I just want to make my list official.

Note: I had to change the sang hee because the 2 happiness were a bit away from each other. According to my aunt I used a bad symbol.

Still on Pause,

L

Day 78: Brunch at KITCHEN 1B

The only good thing that happened to me today was having brunch at the newly opened KITCHEN 1B. S was obsessing about lamps and he wanted to skip church to look for lamps... on a Sunday.  Hay.

Located in KL Towers, across Legazpi Park, KITCHEN 1B opened it's door to the public a few weeks ago.

Their interiors are gorgeous! The restaurant boasts a bright and sparkly open kitchen.

I like their placemats too. Super bagay for brunch.

 "Fridge Doors" printed on canvas don their walls. I suppose this design aims to make the restaurant look like a homey kitchen. Oh Look at their beautiful ceiling lights! Ganda di ba!

Finally, the food...

I ordered the Bacon and Eggs (260 php) and the brewed coffee (90 php).

S ordered the ever so humble egg sandwich (230 php).

Since we weren't that hungry,  we chose the cheapest items na in the menu.

Kitchen 1B serves continental/American comfort food at expat prices.  Pancakes are at 400++ php, Waffles at 340 php. Same price range as Stockton. 

Since we ordered breakfast staples, I can't rave that the food we had  were extraordinarily revolutionary. They were hearty. It reminded me of the food being served in cafés in River Valley.

They also have Filipino breakfast at very reasonable prices, Longanisa and Fried Bangus at 300++ php. 

 We enjoyed the food but it's definitely not for "LAFANG" moments. We have NIHONBASHITEI for that.

This is the definitely BEST PLACE FOR BRUNCH in my area. I'll definitely back. I'll save up for it muna.

Still On Pause,

L

Day 77: My Dad is Yoda

Let me tell you about my dad.

He is a man way ahead of his time. His thoughts are so rich and his mind moves faster than his lips. So, he communicates in a very different style.

Most often than not, people don't understand him. My mom, until now, doesn't really understand how his mind works.

My dad always has a grand plan and in his head, everything is laid out. He is not a very effective communicator so he just skips the explanation. He speaks in parables and sayings. He is as weird as Yoda. He is starting to look like Yoda too.

When my brother was 11 years old,  he sent him to boarding school...IN ANOTHER ISLAND. My mom cried. My brother cried. They both didn't understand why my fat brother was being punished.  My dad believed that if my brother grew up with my mom, she would pamper and feed him until he becomes an obese momma's boy. It was necessary for LV to be sent way so that he'd learn to be a man.
But for most people, this was so cruel.

When I graduated from university, he got my credit card and he told me that I don't have a place in the family business. Oh My God! I panicked! I didn't plan at all. I thought, I'd be working in our small store and eventually, I'd be married to some guy who has a small store as well.

I immediately applied to law school but backed out when it dawned on me that I'd be dependent on my parents for 4-5 more years.  Thankfully, a big FMCG company offered me a job. When I got a job, he returned my credit card.

???

more stories...

In the past, I swear to God I didn't understand his "sermons". Don't get me wrong, he never nags. He just made really strange suggestions. I refused to heed his words because I wasn't as enlightened as him then. (Naks, as if enlightened na ako ngayon. Hahah)

There was a time, when he told me to quit my job and go to China. That was a weird and untimely suggestion because I was 23 and I just got promoted to assistant manager.  He told me that I was in the process of falling into a comfort zone. He said I must go to China without any job prospects. He strongly believed hunger and desperation would lead to brilliant ideas and would open new opportunities for me.

Ofcourse, I didn't go! His idea sounded absurd!

Eventually, I did move to a foreign country when I was 26. I felt so alive. I understood what he meant. I learned to make friends because I had none. I explored new places because I was bored. The new country gave me exciting opportunities.

There is usually a 1-3 year gap from his sharing to my understanding. I suppose it's okay given that my father is 32 years older than me.

My dad self-actualized when he was in his late 40s. He gave away his expensive watches because he said, he would no longer be governed by time. Unfortunately, he was the only one in the house to achieve self actualization so my mom freaked out when he gave his Tag Heuer to his driver.

My dad continued to achieve enlightenment. Without studying buddhism, he instinctively knew that detachment to material things can lead to healing. He de-cluttered his life by giving away old things, including stuff that belonged to my mom! This caused him so much trouble! My mom is lightyears away from enlightenment.  She is a pragmatist.

Since, I have lived away from home for more than 10 years, my dad communicates his "enlightenment" and "sermons" through books and letters. This is actually better than us talking face to face because I can process his messages at my own pace and at my own time.

His message during the last 4 years is  all about building a family and giving up my corporate life in exchange for a simpler one. It was really hard to process until I turned 30.  It was only when I turned 30 that felt I needed to find my greater purpose.

Oh it was hard to quit, I tell you. I loved my boss, my job, my team and my salary! However, I knew my life will change the moment I become a wife. I needed to explore, be stupid, be crazy before I walk down that aisle.

I was really decided to quit my job and do the whole "Eat, Pray, Love" thing. In fact, I had a good start. I went to Spain and did a whole lot of EATING (and drinking).

However, after 75 days, I got tempted to work again. The glamour and power are just so tempting. Pride is my greatest nemesis.

When I came home from my interview, I was willing to put my plans on hold again. I wanted to work! I started fantasizing about the new job. S felt very sad.

Then... my brother arrived and gave me a parcel. It was from my dad and he sent me a letter and a book. How strange and timely!

I decided to read the book over cupcakes and coffee. (I just had to post a picture because the cupcakes look so pretty)

Anyway, as I read the book,  I realized why I retired to begin with. I wanted to have time to do the things I have always wanted to do. I wanted to have time to read. I wanted to have time to prepare healthy food. I wanted to spend time with friends and family.

I don't know how my dad figured out that I am getting restless again. Maybe his enlightenment radar has been amplified and he can now do mental telepathy. I honestly don't know but I'm really thankful to have a wise father.

He is so down to earth and generous.  He only asked me to a good wife to my husband and a good mother to my future children. He wants us to have a simple wedding because he believes marriage is not dependent on the grandness of the reception.  He never told S to be successful or provide for things I have been accustomed to. He just said...LIVE A SIMPLE LIFE.

I am so blessed to have him as my father.  He is so wise and I am so lucky to have him as my teacher. He is my YODA and I'm his Luke Skywalker.


Still on Pause,

L

NYC Restaurants Immortalized in Movies

I promised my friend Joan that I will give her tips on where to eat in New York.  I got a good list from Jericho the last time I visited.

However, Joan wants a more interesting list. Her son, Carlo, is keen to visit restaurants and sites that have been featured on big (or small) screen.

I remembered her telling me  that they want to see places that appeared in  the movie, Godzilla. I'm pretty sure,  they were referring to buildings that Godzilla smashed since I don't recall the huge gorilla enjoying a cup of coffee in the movie.

(S told me just now that Godzilla is a reptile. King Kong is the gorilla hahaha)

Given that there were so many movies shot in New York, here are a few places I did manage to visit.

1. Katz Delicatessen

This sandwich shop is famous of their REUBEN SANDWICH and also for the ORGASM scene in the movie, When Harry Met Sally.

I suppose this gives some people the license to moan if they really like the sandwich. 

2. Grays Papaya

In the movie, Fools Rush In, Salma Hayek ordered hotdogs for Matthew Perry and had them delivered to Las Vegas. The character of Matthew Perry said that this place serves the best hotdogs and there's nothing in Vegas that comes close to it. They enjoyed the hotdogs in the dessert.

3. Cafe Lalo

Ahhh yes, featured in one of my favorite romcoms, You Got Mail.

4. Serendipity

This upper east side cafe is featured on a movie with the same name. Who can forget the scene of Kate Beckinsale and John Cusack?!  New York in the winter. Dreamy!
This is a dessert place so best to visit during tea time and order their famous, Frozen Hot Chocolate.

5. Magnolia's Bakeshop

Originally in Bleecker, this cupcake shop was featured in Sex and the City. Now this cupcake shop is EVERYWHERE! There are even branches in Qatar and Dubai.

6. The Boathouse in Central Park

Indeed a very beautiful spot, this restaurant has been featured in so many movies. It appeared in When Harry Met Sally, Sex and the City, Nurse Jackie and my favorite, 27 Dresses.

Important: 

1. TIFFANY'S doesn't serve breakfast!
    I put in on my itinerary before.
    "8:00 am breakfast at Tiffany's"
     The humliation!!! Clearly, I haven't watched the movie then.


2. Central Perk is not real cafe. It's fictional. 



Still on Pause,

L

Day 76: A New Addiction

I discovered the link to DOWNTOWN ABBEY last night and I am glued!

It is simply so riveting and intriguing. The show is mostly conversations; No special effects, no audience applause and very little humor.

Nevertheless, what it lacks in theatrics, it makes up with beautiful locations, intricate costumes and a finely written script.

The story lines remind me of the drama in the fil-chi community.

Still On Pause,

L