My family is not perfect. As a matter of fact, I will classify them under the "Crazy" quadrant. My mom is a loud and funny probinsyana. My dad is a weirdo filled with wisdom. My brother is a vain, confident and suplado chef.
However, they are my family...in neurosis and in sanity. Even if we scream at each other and we fight, we hug it out afterwards.
With my in-laws, there will always be an "Invisible Barrier" that will separate us.
I will never be able to fully show that crazy side of me. I will always attempt to behave and be proper. I will never cry my heart out to them. I will never object to them openly. I will never share my darkest fears with them. No matter how frank and straightforward I am, a direct confrontation with my in-laws is something I wish to avoid in the near future.
The things that make me feel vulnerable, I reserve for my family. I definitely have no issue confronting my parents and my brother. Infact, just a couple of weeks ago, I cried to my mom. She comforted me by saying absurd things that were absolutely off-topic but it made me feel better nevertheless.
I learned that, to a large extent, tension among in-laws stems from this "Invisible Barrier".
Because we have to be proper and be polite, we just don't blurt out what we feel. By not being able to express our resentment, hurt or any negative emotions, we end up feeling stressed, frustrated and agitated.
I'm sure, if both parties feel secure enough to communicate openly, life will be so much easier.
When I was sad, I disappeared and my mother-in-law was worried. She told me, " I know I will never replace your mom but I'm here just incase you need me." I really appreciated that. To be honest, I consider myself blessed that I have her as my MIL. Walang choz yan.
Out of all of my husband's family and relatives, I only talk with my MIL and one SIL.
Before I got married, I invited my MIL for lunch to discuss our "Ways of Working". Yes! So corporate di ba.
If I have issues, I tell my husband and it's up to him how he tells his family. My MIL talks directly to me. If she corrects me, I don't take offense because this is what we agreed on.
STILL, it will take many many many many years, for me to reach that same level of comfort and familiarity with them as I have with my own family.
So, for all the new wives out there, it is pointless to compare your in-laws with your own family. They will never be at par. They will never be able to love you EXACTLY how you wish to be loved. They will never be able to understand you COMPLETELY. And you shouldn't take this against them.
Even if your family is a bunch of weirdos, they will always be the best for you.
It wouldn't be fair to compare apples to oranges.
Strangely cheerful today,