Saturday, 17 January 2015

The Best Way To End A Relationship

What is the best way to end a relationship?

In the words of my best friend MICO, "THERE IS NONE. All break ups are painful regardless of how you end it."

When my ex dumped me, he just sent me an email.  Just 2 sentences for the 6 years we were together. It was painful when I read the "telegram". I swear I had a nervous attack! It was quick but not pain-free. Death by Guillotine.  But despite months of crying and agony, you can see that I am happy now.

When my friend and her fiancé broke off their engagement because the guy realized that he was not ready, they remained friends for a couple of months. Then eventually resentment crept it. After a few more months, anger and pain joined the party. It took longer for her to heal but my friend is very happy now.

Another friend, got pregnant by a married man. His wife caught them. He disappeared and she never heard from him again. Imagine what it must have be pregnant, abandoned and alone. Then last December, she gave birth and when she saw her son...she felt pure and sheer happiness. 

Recently, a man lost his wife because she died of cancer. No fights. They were happy. But things ended nevertheless.  Now he is grieving, but I am sure he will be happy again in God's perfect time.

A couple of nights ago, my cousin told me that her husband's affair got even more serious. They were together for more than 10 years and they have a baby girl.  The marriage is now over. My cousin has to deal with the hardships of being a single mom. Separations are messy. You can't just cut ties. You have to constantly deal with each other and talk about visitation rights and support. It's tough now but soon she will be happy too.

There is no right way to break-up. There is no perfect script that contains guarantee pain-free words. Closure will not necessarily make it easier. 

I once thought I needed closure. I demanded for one. All movies have endings why then can't I have one for that chapter of my life? 

Mico said, "Your life is not a movie. If he talks to you and explain why he decided to break-up with you, chances are - you won't listen. You will just beg him to change his mind. It's over, L. Move on. With or without closure, MOVE ON".

Some of my girlfriends told me to pray and ask God that he would love me again. Others told me to write him letters. Two told me to just give up all control to God. One told me this...

GET UP. GET DRESSED. SHOW UP. TOMORROW, REPEAT. Soon, you'll be fine again.

I moved on by simply waking up, getting up, getting dressed and showing up to work or to a get-together. By the 3rd month, it felt  just like a normal routine.

And my prayers were pretty simple. I just said, "Lord, I'm sure You have a plan, give me patience and strength to wait it out."

I wrote this post because I am affected with what is happening to my cousin. I wish her husband didn't do this to her. I feel the pain that he is putting her through. I have so many questions. 

Why is he so selfish?
Why did he cheat even if they already have a daughter?
Doesn't he care for them at all?
Is 10 years nothing for him? 
How can he just leave her for another woman?

Then as I hear myself vent, I  realize that there is no right way for relationships to end anyway. 

But there is a right way of dealing with a break up. It's nothing revolutionary. You don't need to go to India, Bali and  Italy and have an EAT PRAY LOVE moment. It's pretty simple, slow but effective.

In the words of Aswaina Seroja...

" Get up, Get Dressed, Show up, Repeat Tomorrow."



painting by Ruth Batke


  1. So many questions talaga.. Pati ako nga eh!
    But I learned not to question anymore. Bahala na si Lord!
    Support system ang kelangan. Kung mahina ang support system, mahina ang moving on. Kapag matibay ang support system - may hope to move on faster.

    This person I know - well, she is having a hard time moving on. She's still in the relationship kasi she feels it's the right thing to do. Alam mo kung ano lang ang hinihingi niyang closure? Na aminin na nangaliwa si asawa. I have told her time and again that it will NEVER ever happen. What's worse it that the family of this asawa is *protecting* the asawa. CRAZY diba? Gosh.. Ibang level. I am shocked. Ang hirit sa amin is *Normal yan sa Pilipinas* to which I retort - so pag normal - tama? Gaga diba? Gaga to the highest levelz..

    Cheating hits close to home kasi I have someone who was cheated on. And I saw how it destroyed that someone. *SOmeone* is recovering now - but it's quite painful for me to see kasi mahal niya talaga si asawa eh. Kung ako yun, Goodbye Panget! But I guess, I am not the one in the situation kaya di ko siya maintindihan. Sorry, blabbing!!

    1. Ang secret sa moving on? Bagong Boylet. Hahahah!

      Is this person, the wife? I think she should stay and make sure she transfer all assets to her name.

      I have friends who are "technically" mistresses kaya nga weird din when I made this post. They're good people naman. Na inlove lang Talaga. Sigh..

      What did the family of the guy say to protect him?

      You know my mom believes if the guy gets mistress, nag kulang ang wife. Weird no. So her generation believes that trabaho ng wife to make her husband happy.

      My dad also gave me a book about mistresses para daw I learn what drives a man to the arms of another woman.

    2. Yes the wife..
      Nako, olden times na yung nagkulang ang wife! Wife naman parating may kasalanan. Hello?! Ang dami dami na nating roles noh! Stop na!! Kawawa naman tayo!! Hahaha...

      But I really believe in the Happy Wife, Happy Life.

      Ay basta, I shall kwento to you!!!!!!!!

    3. I was just about to tell you L that you should meet my friend Didi. not for anything but because you guys sound so alike when you blog :) (Hi Di!)

      I agree with didi, Happy Wife, Happy Life.

      then again, moving on happens naman the worst thing is the process you have to go through to cope and to finally accept that you have moved on. Sabi nag ni Carrie ng SATC, "what ultimately defines a relationship is another relationship"

      Hay i just hate heartbreaks, tears and sadness. :(

    4. I will write Happy Wife Happy Life and frame it! Then I'll put it on his desk!