Here's the answer of my GBF to the question I asked him over IMessage.
I copy pasted his response.
You are just choosy.
And it's an effort for you to manage initial impressions.
So it's stressful for you to meet new people.
Even in the company, you curate your friends
And you want a safe environment to continue your assholery
And to celebrate it.
So, in essence, my GBF (Gay Bestfriend) acknowledges that I'm an asshole but still loves me. We have been friends for over 10 years. I love that when I bitch at him, he calls me out and bitch back. He doesn't need to talk behind my back because he can say it in mahhh face.
I'm his FAG HAG and he is my GBF.
For real though, it's so hard to be sweet, nice, prim and proper. Just so hard! I feel very drained and tired after my "performance."
So when I behave, let's all just pretend that I'm an introvert.