I Miss My Husband

Ever since I started my journey to conceive last June 2015, I have been scared silly. The process of "trying" requires plenty of trips to the doctor and the lab. I have spent many weeks fearfully waiting for my results and consultations. 

In my moments of weakness, I turned to God.  At this point, there is nothing I can do but trust Him.

Because I have been slacking off as a wife, my husband has been taking over a lot of the decision-making. My sanity has been on vacation for a while now, and my husband is the only sound person in our household.

He has been keeping it together for both of us for the last few months. 

Last night, I opened up to my husband. 

I started by thanking him for everything he has been doing. He has been very busy providing and taking care of me. He ensures that I eat right and I take my medicines on time. On top of that, he is running a business, doing stock trading and helping out in his family's business. My husband is a very good man.

But now, I sense he is tired and is on autopilot mode. He is not as affectionate as he was before. In my books, caring is not the same as being affectionate. 

I miss the man I fell inlove with and married, 

When I opened up to him, he said, "I get scared too. But I can't tell you because I am being strong for both of us. I can't be weak now because, it is your turn." 

I heard him.

But I needed to be honest. I told him...

 "You can't get your strength from me all the time. I am human and I have my failings. I'm sorry. You have to get most of your strength from God. His love is constant and eternal. I appreciate everything you do for me. But from now on, please try not worry about me so much. Our God hears my prayers and He knows the desires of my heart. And when you feel scared or weak, come to me. Our God will give me strength to comfort you."

It was a good conversation.

I realize sometimes...

Couples stop being lovers because "Life happened". 

We need to remind ourselves that we got married not because we want a house, a business, children etc.  We got married because we love each other.

 

It was a blessing, my husband listened and opened up. 

Missing my husband,

L

My Prayer To Get Pregnant

I wish to share this prayer to other women trying to conceive. I got this prayer from St. Clement's Church in Iloilo. It is called the NOVENA OF CONFIDENCE.

I have prayed this every night since June. On several occasions,  the Holy Spirit has moved me to tears.

---- 

Oh Lord Jesus Christ, to Your most Sacred Heart I confide this intention...

"Lord please put a healthy baby in my womb" (or mention a different request)

Only look upon me, then do what Your Heart inspires. Let Your Sacred Heart decide. I count on You...I trust in You... I throw myself in Your mercy.

Lord Jesus! I am confident that You will not fail me. Sacred Heart of Jesus, I believe in Your love for me. 

Sacred Heart of Jesus, I have asked for many favors but I earnestly implore this one. Take it, place it in Your Most Sacred Heart. When the Eternal Father sees it covered with your most precious blood, He will not refuse it. It will  no longer be my prayer but yours. Oh Jesus, Oh Sacred Heart of Jesus, I place my trust in You.

Let me never be confounded, Amen.

----

Hopeful,

L

Euky Bear Steam Vaporizer

It looks like I will be buying a Euky Bear Steam Vaporizer.  I borrowed the vaporizer of my MIL and brought it with me to the office today.

I have been sick since last Friday. Thanks to the rains brought about by the typhoon, everyone on the street is  walking contaminant of the flu.

I refuse to take any medicines because I have learned recently that taking meds can kill both the good and the bad bacteria. We need the good bacteria to fight off the bad ones. So, if we kill them off with meds (and stress!), we need to replace them through probiotics like yougurt, kefir etc.

For 4 days now, I have been trying to cure myself through sleep, water and vitamins C from fruits. To get relief from my flu symptoms, my husband borrowed the steam vaporizer last Sunday.  I swear, I slept soundly through the night. 

The Euky Bear Steam Vaporizer is very effective in de-congesting my nose and softening my phlegm. The minty smell is very soothing.

The Euky Steam Vaporizer is only 3,800 php and the mint oil is 600 php for 200 ml. I think it's a really good investment if you have kids or sickly adults like me.

It's available at www.milkandhoney.ph

Rain rain please go away,

L

God's Promise

This is beautiful story from the Book of Samuel. My friend, Ana, shared this with me.

Now, I'm sharing it with other women, who like me, are trying to conceive a child. May we have the strength and the patience to hold on to God's promise. I am confident that He will answer our prayers, in this Perfect time.

1Now there was a certain man of Ramathaimzophim, of mount Ephraim, and his name was Elkanah, the son of Jeroham, the son of Elihu, the son of Tohu, the son of Zuph, an Ephrathite:

2And he had two wives; the name of the one was Hannah, and the name of the other Peninnah: and Peninnah had children, but Hannah had no children.

3And this man went up out of his city yearly to worship and to sacrifice unto the LORD of hosts in Shiloh. And the two sons of Eli, Hophni and Phinehas, the priests of the LORD,were there.

4And when the time was that Elkanah offered, he gave to Peninnah his wife, and to all her sons and her daughters, portions:

5But unto Hannah he gave a worthy portion; for he loved Hannah: but the LORD had shut up her womb.

6And her adversary also provoked her sore, for to make her fret, because the LORD had shut up her womb.

7And as he did so year by year, when she went up to the house of the LORD, so she provoked her; therefore she wept, and did not eat.

8Then said Elkanah her husband to her, Hannah, why weepest thou? and why eatest thou not? and why is thy heart grieved? am not I better to thee than ten sons?

9So Hannah rose up after they had eaten in Shiloh, and after they had drunk. Now Eli the priest sat upon a seat by a post of the temple of the LORD.

10And she was in bitterness of soul, and prayed unto the LORD, and wept sore.

11And she vowed a vow, and said, O LORD of hosts, if thou wilt indeed look on the affliction of thine handmaid, and remember me, and not forget thine handmaid, but wilt give unto thine handmaid a man child, then I will give him unto the LORD all the days of his life, and there shall no razor come upon his head.

12And it came to pass, as she continued praying before the LORD, that Eli marked her mouth.

13Now Hannah, she spake in her heart; only her lips moved, but her voice was not heard: therefore Eli thought she had been drunken.

14And Eli said unto her, How long wilt thou be drunken? put away thy wine from thee.

15And Hannah answered and said, No, my lord, I am a woman of a sorrowful spirit: I have drunk neither wine nor strong drink, but have poured out my soul before the LORD.

16Count not thine handmaid for a daughter of Belial: for out of the abundance of my complaint and grief have I spoken hitherto.

17Then Eli answered and said, Go in peace: and the God of Israel grant thee thy petition that thou hast asked of him.

18And she said, Let thine handmaid find grace in thy sight. So the woman went her way, and did eat, and her countenance was no more sad.

19And they rose up in the morning early, and worshipped before the LORD, and returned, and came to their house to Ramah: and Elkanah knew Hannah his wife; and the LORD remembered her.

20Wherefore it came to pass, when the time was come about after Hannah had conceived, that she bare a son, and called his name Samuel, saying, Because I have asked him of the LORD.

Hopeful,

L

Reflection After Church: ASK AND IT SHALL BE GIVEN

I recounted the sermon to my husband. The pastor shared the story of Bartimeaus, the blind man. 

Story goes...

When Bartimaeus found out that Jesus was in his neck of the woods, he shouted to Jesus as He passed by, "Jesus, Son of David, help me". The people told him to be quiet because he was making a scene. They told him to be calm and not bother Jesus,  But Jesus did not ignore Bartimeaus. Instead, He approached the blind man and gave him sight.

After I finished sharing the story, I told my husband that if we really want something we shouldn't be ashamed to ask. 

So, on the count of 3, I said we should both shout and let Jesus know that we want a healthy baby in God's perfect time.

But before I even started to count, my husband broke his silence and said...

"So, that's why yung mga gusto mag pa-libre  (those who want a free meal)  are not ashamed to ASK LOUDLY and PERSISTENTLY...Nasa bible pala yan."

My husband's reflections are really weird...

Happy Sunday,

L

The Way We Were

Kanina while we were walking around the mall. I told my husband...

"You know ...before, you told me that you used to feel sad that you are not that tall. But when you met me, you said you understood why God made you that way. He made you that way because our heights are perfect when we hug. You are just the right height to kiss me on my forehead. 

Now you don't say stuff like that anymore. Where did you get those lines? And where are those sentiments?"

He replied...

"Naubos na. Prepaid load yun."

Reminiscing,

L

Dunkin Donuts Bunwich

When was the last time you had a Dunkin Donuts Bunwich? Ako kanina sa Shangrila! 

This is my favorite fast food snack of all time!!! I rarely eat this because the nearest branch of Dunkin Donuts is in Rockwell pa and we rarely go there kasi we hate driving.

Ever since I tried my first bunwich in Iloilo, I have never ordered another variant. It has always been and forever will be- BACON COLESLAW AND TOMATO.

I'm a creature of habit talaga.

Ready to go to bed,

L

Rejected

Last night, I overheard the neighbors of my inlaws singing karaoke. Naiingit ako, ang saya ng mga Class E sa likod ng bahay. So, nakisabay ako sa singing kasi I can hear them from the banyo.

Tonight, I volunteered to sing for my husband and was sorely rejected.

Husband: Do you want to go out for crepe? I'm bored...

L: I'll sing for you. I'll sing " Halik" by Aegis

Husband: Let's watch the news nalang sa iPhone ko.

Kwang kwang kwang...

Feeling unappreciated,

L

Adultery by Paulo Coelho

We have been staying with our in-laws since last Saturday...

I have lost my appetite and my palate. I have been unable to cook anything for my husband. I realize that as a housewife, my most powerful tool is my palate. Without my tastebuds, I can't conjure anything up in the kitchen.  After a week of eating out,  I decided to return my husband to his parents, so that they can feed him something decent. 

But because we are married and I am notorious for eating pizza and KFC, he brought me with him...sigh.

So now, we are here and I'm happy to announce that while I don't have my appetite back, we are able to eat something nutritious for a change.

Since, I don't spend so much time talking with my in-laws (because I don't understand Fookien) and since we have no TV in our room, I got myself a book with an intriguing and relevant title. 

It is a story of a lady in her mid-thirties. She has a perfect life, a perfect husband, perfect children and lives in the perfect city of Geneva. However despite the seeming perfection, she is unexplainably unhappy. Then, in her journey to search for the source of her emptiness, she accidentally found excitement in the wrong person.

As I was reading the book last night, I couldn't bring myself to put it down. It's beautifully written. You want to savor each word and allow them to dance gracefully in your thoughts before you turn to the next page.

This book is actually about depression in the backdrop of adultery. This is 70% about sadness and emptiness. And is more introspective than scandalous.  

Don't worry, it won't make you depressed. At best, it will give you empathy.

I will surely finish this book in less than 24 hours. Drat! My husband told me to read slowly because he doesn't want to go to the mall and get me a new book. Maybe, he should consider giving me TV instead.

Enamored,

L

Flirtations

As I write this, I am watching this new craze, ALDUB. Briefly, it's a staged story of two fictional lovers who don't talk to each other verbally. Instead, they communicate through songs and written messages.

One dialogue reminded me how flirtatious my husband and I used to be with each other.

Reciprocity In Friendship

Sometime ago I heard a profound line from my HR partner, Dang Carpio. She said her motto is, "Live Life Deliberately." I no longer work with Dang but that line stuck in my head.

When I need to make friends. I do it very deliberately. I do it intentionally and with effort.

As a friend, I am generally very thoughtful, caring and generous. When my friends are sick, I send get well soon notes and goodies. Or in the case of one sick friend, it was blood. When my friends celebrate their birthdays, I send greetings and/or gifts. In fact, I even threw a surprise birthday party for a couple of people. When there are celebrations, I make sure I send something small to let them know I am thinking of them. And when times are tough, I make it a point to be there and if I can't make it, I send someone from my family to represent me. Thank God, I only have a few friends. Otherwise, I'd be very tired by now.