Monday, 8 August 2016

Being Gay in a Filipino-Chinese Family

A couple of years ago, I bumped into a good friend when I was in our HR building. We worked together in Singapore for quite sometime. 

He said, "Friend! Nako wish me luck! I'm finally coming out to mama and papa."

That came quite as a surprise to me because he was almost 34 years old at that time and he has been living with his partner in Singapore for close to 3 years na! Infact, I was even planning to rent a room in their HDB flat.

Didn't his parents notice that he is gay? As in no clue ever?

My gut tells me that his parents knew all along but they were just in denial and they refuse to acknowledge it.

There are those who are brave enough naman to come out to their parents early. Some 20s palang. 

The initial reaction of most moms is to cry.  Dads usually keep mum.

The next is to ask, "Are you sure? Maybe it's just a phase." 

Then parents go through denial by asking their gays sons or daughters to "meet" someone over for coffee...

In short, Kai-shao. Hehe...

I wonder if parents genuinely understand that being gay is not a matter of choice. A lesbian will not turn straight if she meets a handsome and caring man.

But, I do know of  a lesbian Fil-Chi girl who got married to make her parents happy.  Now, she is processing her annulment. Hassle! Annulments can take years! Kawawa naman asawa nya.

If it's hard for a Filipino-Chinese to be in a relationship with a Filipino...imagine how hard it is for gays to come out to their Fil-Chi family and relatives.

More often than not, even if you do come out to your parents, the family will keep quiet about it. Chances are you wont really get to discuss your relationship very openly with your parents. 

I wonder if parents feel that if they don't talk about will just go away.


Thankfully there are families who are minded and who accept their children for who they are and welcome their partners into the family. 

My friend is one of the lucky few. His parents didn't go hysterical. Perhaps, they were just waiting for him to come out.  

Fast forward to today. He just posted in Instagram a picture of him and his  partner having breakfast with his mom.

Anymore FIL-CHI LGBT stories out there?



  1. I have a cousin whom we all suspect is lesbian. At one point several years ago, another aunt (she was way out of line when she did this) confronted the parents of gay cousin and said "aminin mo na, tomboy si [name], bakit nyo pa i de deny ?". The mom responded and said "hindi siya tomboy, kikay nga siya eh, may kikay ba na tomboy ?"

    fast forward to a month or 2 ago, the father of said cousin just said out of the blue "ano pa kaya magagawa namin kay [cousin] ? ganon na talaga siya, wala kaming magagawa".

    So I think tanggap na siya at this point. But nobody has come right out and admitted anything. I think this is what I would expect as normal behavior from the more open-minded, but still traditional, fil-chi families. No more kai-shaos and no more trying to force you into getting over a phase. The elders will happily play along and act blind so long as you remain discreet - if you do bring your same-sex partner home, it's under the guise of a "best friend".

    1. pag gay guys Mas naiintroduce as Boyfriends talaga, atleast for those na kilala ko. I wonder for lesbians Kung majority ha gang "best friends" Lang Ang intro