Day 183: The Young and The Useless

Have you ever watched an episode of the soap opera, The Young and The Restless?

My life was never as dramatic or as twisted as that of the characters in that show. However, many years ago, I did feel that YOUNG and RESTLESS were the best adjectives to describe me.

I'd have to say that the best year of my life was when I was 28 years old. I was on top of the year. I went to Santorini, Istanbul, Africa, and to many countries in Asia. I was living in a huge apartment in a posh expat area in Singapore. I was earning a lot. That same year, I got one of my most precious rocks.

I felt young,powerful and rich.

Then a couple of days ago, I turned 32. And to me it was a very sad day. I felt Young but Useless.

I'm sorry this post seems depressing and ungrateful.

After 2 weeks of being a full time wife, I started feeling really sad. I got scared that the only things I will look forward to in life are birthday parties, dinner parties etc. I'm scared that I'll be doing arts and crafts and DIYs to occupy myself.

The strange thing is, I have dreamt and aspired of this very life. I wanted to be one of those women who just go to the gym at 9:00 am, have coffee, cook lunch, have afternoon tea, cook dinner. 

TV really made this life glamourous.

For 2 weeks, I did yoga, cooked, cleaned the house,  attended events, threw dinner parties. I feel it's too early for me to feel sad but I am.

The adrenaline from the wedding prep is gone by now. Reality has taken over.

There are girls who are so excited and so involve with their wedding. It's as if the wedding is the final encore. Their lives revolve around their day jobs and their wedding preps.

After having a close-to-epic wedding, I realize that real life is so much more different.

I remind myself how lucky I am. I live in a nice home that is not on mortgage. my husband provides everything. Best of all,he encourages me to do what I've always wanted to do and promises that he'll pay for it.

So, I stop myself from feeling depressed. I also don't understand my feeling. I feel useless. I used to do great things. I used to own the world.

Hoping I snap out of this soon. I'm scared that I'll upset God. He might take all my blessings away. 

Still on Pause,

L

Yoga, Juicing and Salads

Doing yoga at 9 am while everyone is at work has always been one of my fantasy.  It is a sign of FREEDOM and of luxury of time.

I really didn't have any weight loss goals in mind when I started going to TANTRA YOGA. I just wanted to convince myself that this time out is such an amazing thing.

So, it came as a pleasant surprise that, despite all the  food I have been eating ever since I got married,  my weight remains lower compared to when I was running.

Yoga is a wonder drug!

Inspired, I have decided to go back to my juicing routine. Technically it's BLENDING but if it's a liquid fruity drink, it is a juice to me regardless of consistency.

I'm going to bring my blender to my new home. I was told not to bring any old appliance into S' flat. In Chinese tradition, the  bride can not bring her old things into her husband's home for atleast a week after the wedding. Everything needs to be new, even my panty. ESPECIALLY MY PANTY!

To up the ante, I will be eating a salad atleast once a day. 

Since, my Chinese MIL really wants me to eat lunch, I guess I'll just replace my usually cake and  coffee merienda with a bowl of salad.

I saw this really cute salad baonan by BUILT NY. 

The baonan comes with container and it has a NEOPRENE cover, a wet suit material. 

I needed to get this because recently the weather is so hot that by the time I get to BINONDO (from makati), my gulay are all laylay na. Yeecchh Wilted Veggies!

The NEOPRENE COVER has insultating functions so it can keep my salad cool for 4 hours or so. I really like my greens crispy para kunwari chips lang.

You can get these cute baonan in RUSTANS AND HOWARDS.

 I want to prove my 2012 boss wrong. He once told me to eat and get fat before my wedding and start dieting after. He said people usually look great in their wedding photos and it goes downhill from there.

Well, I was fit during my wedding and I will be fitter after.

In my letter to S, I never said, "I look forward to getting fat with you".  I remember saying,  "I look forward to running and living healthy with you."

S still refuses to run but I'm sure he'll agree to a smoothie and a salad.

Still on Pause,

L

Day 178: Adversity Brings People Together

Dressed to the nines, I arrived a bit late to the launch that we were invited to.

S arrived 2 hours earlier to talk to the managers and the buyers.  By the time I got there, he was already tired and hungry. He told me that the  event was about to end and that he wanted to go somewhere fancy to eat.

I felt bad because I wanted to drink wine, eat canapés and look around. I stayed for around 45 minutes then we left for dinner. 

When he finally got to eat his favorite pasta at ONE WAY STREET,  he held my hands in an attempt to reconcile.  After dinner, he asked me if I wanted to have drinks in Mandarin Oriental.

By this time, I was already cranky.

This made S upset because he felt he was trying to save the night and I was being difficult. For me, the night has been ruined so why bother at all.

Then I started making snarky remarks and he retaliated.  Uh-oh...

The moment the car reached the parking lot, I stormed out and hurried to the flat. When I stepped into our dark living room, I felt I stepped into a small puddle of water. 

I turned on the lights and realized it came from the faucet in the storage room. The room was literally flooding.

I called S and when he got in, he immediately took over. He asked me to call the admin and he started to scoop out the water using a  dustpan.

I told him it was probably my fault. Maybe my vacuum hit the knob of the faucet. He said, "Now is not the right time to blame and it doesn't really matter whose fault it is.

You know, if we came home to a perfect setting, we would have resumed our bickering til god knows when. It was a blessing that we came home to a flooded flat because we had no choice but to help each other.

Amazing how adversity can bring people together.

S and I have had our share our fights. I actually love that S has strong opinions and an ego. I don't like weak guys who just say, yes. Even at work, I admire and encourage people to have a strong POV and to fight for it.

There are couples who never ever fight. We are not one of those. Thank God! 

It is when we fight that we have our most sincere and raw discussions. It is when we fight that learn to adjust. Tonight, we learned to set our emotions aside so that we can work together and deal with the issue at hand: THE DELUGE.

When our impromptu spring cleaning was done, I said.. "If this is how you act towards adversity, I am confident that we can weather more difficult challenges in life."

BRAVAH.

Still on Pause,

L

My Tea Set Collection

Do you know that AFTERNOON TEA and HIGH TEA are not technically the same eating occasion?

Afternoon Tea is usually served mid noon and is usually very classy, dainty and posh.

High Tea, on the other hand, started out as the merienda time of the working class and hence should served between 5-7 pm. 

So if you are having SIOPAO and C2 ICE TEA sa 7/11 after work, di ba you can safely say that you are enjoying HIGH TEA na?  Naks teh! Sosyah! 

My love for AFTERNOON TEA (or low tea because it is usually served on low tables) started when my late boss, Tony decided to bribe the concierge in Mount Nelson, said to be Capetown's most iconic spot for afternoon tea, to get us a table.

The concierge didn't budge and we didn't get to have canapés and scones in this beautiful hall...

Chef Louie Chua Bags Bronze in the 2014 Philippine Culinary Cup

Allow me to introduce my brother, Chef Louie Vincent Chua. Yesterday, he told me that he won the bronze medal in the High Tea category at the 2014 Philippine Culinary Cup.

I was so happy when I found out. He definitely made me very proud.

Louie usually assists in competition but this time, he decided to take a risk and put himself out there and it paid off! They were the only Hotel Group that won in that category.  The gold went to Global and the silver went to Lyceum.

I'm still having the after glow from victory. Yeah yeah! It was him who competed but still I can't help but bask the glory.

You see, when my brother was 16 years old, my dad sent him to live with me after he graduated high school. My dad wanted to give him a gap year so that he wouldn't jump to university without knowing what he really wanted to do.  It is all too common for HS students to get a course in college even if they are not yet sure what their passions are.

So Louie came to live with me. But he was a really fat kid then and all he did was eat and watch TV. That bothered me a lot. I couldn't stand it! 

(Louie at 8  years old)

Day 171: Sawsawan ng Bayan

So my mother-in-law asked me if I am okay with how my new sisters are addressing me. 

You see, there is a specific title or name for sister in law married to eldest brother vs SIL  married to second, third, fourth brother.

Chinese people put a great deal of importance to family relationships. I guess this is why, wedding banquets are usually huge. Apart from the ballooning guest list, this importance to filial relations also results to a very confusing family tree.

There are different names for aunts and uncles depending on which side and their rank within their families. Hindi lang Tito,Tita or Aunty, Uncle.

My MIL is concerned because both FOOKIEN and Mandarin names for the eldest brother's wife sound a bit funny if not entirely derogatory.

Fookien: 阿嫂 or A-SO.

Mandarin: 嫂嫂 or SAO- SAO.

Medyo pareho kasing pangit to the ears di ba!

I mean, imagine if they want to catch my attention in a very public space and they start calling out loud... " ASO ASOOOOOO!!!!!"

Parang di nice.

I'm a bitch but not that kind of bitch. I'm just mataray,

SAO SAO sounds bad too, no? Tara na sawsaw na tayo Kay L? AYYYYYY

I'm glad my MIL asked. Atleast, I don't have to say it myself. 

I said,   "L is fine. No respectful titles needed."

Still on Pause,

L

Day 170: My 100th Post ( Life and Change)

Yey! I have officially written 100 literary crappalooza!

When I decided to close my LJ account and write more publicly, the goal then was just to record the highlights of my boring days.  That and the fact that people stopped writing in livejournal.

Seriously though, part of the original intent was  to mentally convince myself that I am having an awesome time.  I also wanted to share with my family and friends this whole new concept of DOING NOTHING. (Atleast to me, it was NEW!)

So far, I've received a lot of encouragement from people to continue writing. I'm not sure if  what I heard were imaginary voices but what the heck! The voices told me I'm cute and entertaining. 

Charoterang Voices!

So, a terrible thing happened today. S dropped his laptop and scratched the edges. And they were major scratches! 

Day 169: Despicable Me ( Now that I'm Married...What's Next?)

When I quit my job after such an epic decade, the future seemed to look sooo bright and shiny! But as post-nuptial depression sets in, I'm feeling a bit lost. And I'm sharing this with utmost sincerity.

I told my GBF and he replied.. " Sigh...First World Problems. Hahaha." 

But on a more serious note, apparently 1/10 brides will experience sadness after the big day.  Google it if you don't believe me!

In a nutshell: It's the overwhelming feeling of nothingness that comes after such a big and time consuming endeavor.

Many girls are excited to move out of their parents' homes. Many girls are excited to travel with their husbands. For most girls, marriage is their first taste of FREEDOM. This is especially true for Fil-Chi girls who live with traditional parents. 

But for girls like me who are rather ancient and errmmm...worldly (as Merissa puts it)... well, I've done all that. 

I've lived alone since I was 20 years old. Infact moving to our new apartment, is just like moving to another home, which I've already done 6x.

So what's next?!

The neurons in my brain literally went ballistic as they struggled to answer my question.

Singapore Airlines attempted to pitch in and help but all it did was to add more variables and hence more confusion.

Last night, I found out that my miles are expiring. That means, I will be going to Europe again next year. Even if it's not in my plans. SAYANG NAMAN DI BA!

(more chikka)

My Wedding Banquet by BIZU

 When I first went to Bordeaux, I started fantasizing about the possibility of a vineyard wedding. I really wanted my rites in a small chapel. I dreamt of having my photos taken amidst the vines and having an elegant reception in a chateau.

I told S that maybe we can just use our budget to pay for our immediate families' tickets and accommodation. I tried selling him the idea by describing intimate dinners on a long table just like a scene in Italian movies. 

But Alas! We are Chinese. 

A typical Chinese wedding can have 300-1000 guests. 300 is already small and intimate. 

It didn't help that S is the only son and the eldest at that.

There was no choice but to get married in the country and invite everyone.  We booked and paid for 400.

It's tradition.

So, for our Ting Hun, we had a very traditional menu, in a traditional location. It was as traditional and as Chinese as it could get.

For our wedding, I asked S if we can make it more "us". 

We love our traditions but we are very unconventional. For one thing, I don't speak Chinese.

And so I made a compromise, we will invite most of the people they (groom side)  know but the wedding will be very western in execution.

Since I love wine and fine dining, we decided to explore BIZU since I have always been intrigued with their catering studio near my flat. 

It was the best decision we made.

There was a small bump on the road when we started but the rest of the journey was smooth. 

The execution was seamless...faultless at best. I can not find anything bad to comment on, 

The service of Kaye from planning until the very end was more of a dedicated partnership rather than a mere food provider. When I couldn't print my remaining place cards because of the typhoon, she printed it for me.  

Kaye went over and beyond her scope of work. If you do decide to work with Bizu- please ask for Kaye. I bet she will hate me for this! Hahaha.

As you may recall, I had a 12 course Chinese Lauriat for my Ting Hun Banquet. For my wedding banquet, it was a 6 course fine dining menu complete with wine pairing. It even had wine pairing notes, which I wrote myself!

S was initially nervous with our western route. So, to put him at ease I invited his parents and his sister to attend the tasting.

Finally, now that the wedding is over let me share my Wedding Menu :)

The night started with Cocktails. 

There were Dalandan Juice and White Sangria to start the party vibe. As expected, the Chinese guests went non-alcoholic.

I had 3 types of pass around canapés: Truffle Porcini Duxelles in Vol-au-vent, Prosciutto, Shrimp and Melon Croute and Smoked Salmon with Caviar on Croute.

You know, I regret not mingling with the guests during cocktails. We were in the holding room practicing our dance and doing our tea ceremony. 

At around 8 pm, dinner started with a parade of waiters. This was a chichi request from S, which Audrey Tangco-Uy graciously agreed to. 

The parade of waiters of Bizu was classy. It had non of that cheesy dance routines we saw in YouTube! It was so impressive that my guests from abroad were totally floored. 

I digress! So many good things to say! 

FIRST COURSE: Amouse Bouche: Foie Gras Macaron de Paris with Black Cherry Jam, Gratinated Pacific Scallop with Gruyere and Smoked Bacon Kataifi, Mesculun with Light Citrus Vinaigarette and Candied Walnuts.

My suggested wine pairing was the VIURA.

Second Course: Tomato Pistou Soup

Third Course:  Seared Halibut with Dill Beurre Blanc Emulsion on Haricots Verts with Orange Rind and Roasted Hazelnuts.

My Suggested Pairing was a CHARDONNAY from Chile.

The guests loved the fish course and the pairing. A number had seconds. I received many SMS commending me for this pairing.

Fourth Course: A Palate Cleanser. We opted for Passion Fruit with Mango

Fifth Course: Prime U.S. Beef ala Bourguignon in Red Wine Au Jus with Vegetable Ribbons, Potato Purée and whole Roasted Garlic.

My suggested pairing was a SHIRAZ from Australia. My Aussie guests loved this pairing. Lawrie said, when he took a sip, it reminded him of home.

Grand Finale: A dessert created by my brother and perfected by the pastry chefs of Bizu. For me this was the pièce de résistance, the encore of the night. 

The wait staff was simply impeccable. Johnny, our "butler" for the night, was my very own LINUS (in reference to HIMYM). My glass was never empty.

The waitstaff was so awesome I actually remembered their names! High 5 to Aldrin and Eric! I don't even recall the names of some of the guests, but I remember the team of Bizu!

It was such a great night! Audrey was due to give birth in 3 wks but she was there. I felt so special.

Some people asked S' mom why we chose to have it in a tent and not in a hotel. 

Allow me to answer this.

1. I have lots of wines. My corkage alone will be a party in itself

2. Hotels have so many plus plus plus plus plus. Every request has a corresponding plus

3. Hotels have so many restrictions and limitations when it comes to set up. Whereas a tent is a blank canvas.

4. Bizu is less bureaucratic. Decisions are made faster.

5. Lastly, I have a vision. I don't want to get a generic package.

I believe we made the right decision (if not the best) to work with Bizu.

Still on Pause,

L

Notes:

*photos by Louie and Audrey 

Day 165: My Amazing Wedding Coordinator and My First Week In the Marriage

A couple of nights ago I was chatting with Abbie Sinjian, my awesome wedding coordinator. I told her that now that the wedding is over,I feel so sad.

The wedding was seamless. No glitch in the actual program. No Nightmares. My coordinator was amazing and so was her extended team- the team of NINA!

Against the advice of many people, I decided to go with my go-to corporate events planner. I've worked with Abbie 3x and all 3 events were spectacular.  But Abbie had no experience in running the "church" part so she got the team of Nina Marcelo.

I loveeee these girls! Everything went smoothly and my only regret was that...I was the bride. 

After the dance rehearsals and tea ceremony, Abbie told me to stay in car. I kept calling her and telling her that really want to go down and join cocktails because the DJ was already spinning some Cafe del Mar hits. I could see the people having fun in the lounge!

By dinner, I gave Nina a headache because I wanted to eat and chat with my guests. She was guiding us through the per table photo.

Obviously, I loved my wedding so much I gave these girls a headache by wanting to enjoy rather than entertain the rest of the guests.

The moment the reception ended and the DJ played, the first song: Can't Hold Us Down by Macklemore, I ran to the dance floor! 

I didn't say goodbye to the guests! I danced! No one could hold me down by then! 

S and Abbie took care of the suppliers. Our parents dealt with the guests. While I, the BRIDE, danced like a banshee.

So yes, I loved my wedding. And now that it's over, I feel so sad.

I'm having a POST NUPTIAL DEPRESSION.

After the wedding, I  moved into S' new home, which is just 15-20 min WALK away from my flat. Everything I need is thers. The flat has been "interior designed". We have plates, spoons and other necessities from my ke tseng. READY NA TALAGA.

Truth be told, I love sleeping beside my husband but we really disagree on aircon temperature. It doesn't help that our bed is facing the aircon because of some feng shui directives.

Also, I really hate it that he repeatedly tells me to...

"L, close the cap"

"L, close the lid"

"L, close the door"

"L, turn off the lights"

SERIOUSLY! It is annoyyyying.

So, after a couple of days, I walked back home for some silence. In the home that I share with my brother, we both ignore each other. Ofcourse, later that night, I came home to sleep beside my husband.  

I guess in marriage, ignoring each other doesn't happen until 10 years or so.

Breakfast is another thing! In my head, it seems wonderful to make my husband breakfast. The TV commercials sure do make it aspirational!

In reality, it is so hard to wake up at 6:30 am to cook.  I think I hit the snooze button 3-5x before I actually get out of bed.

Now the excitement from the wedding is over...I'm feeling a bit lost. Abbie comforts me by saying that there will be other events. Huhuhu.

I am tempted to start applying for work but then I also want to enjoy the new house, the new role and the remaining traditional stuff like visiting my home. It was suppose to happen 3 days after the wedding but we had to fly out to attend to a previous commitment.

Infact, we haven't had our PROPER HONEYMOON. I have yet to plan that one. We also havent opened our wedding gifts.

So My Rating for Marriage Week 1 is a 3/5. I can't seem to enjoy this whole honeymoon phase because I am just so stuck in this POST NUPTIAL DEPRESSION rut.

GRRRRRR!

Still on Pause,

L