Day 183: The Young and The Useless

Have you ever watched an episode of the soap opera, The Young and The Restless?

My life was never as dramatic or as twisted as that of the characters in that show. However, many years ago, I did feel that YOUNG and RESTLESS were the best adjectives to describe me.

I'd have to say that the best year of my life was when I was 28 years old. I was on top of the year. I went to Santorini, Istanbul, Africa, and to many countries in Asia. I was living in a huge apartment in a posh expat area in Singapore. I was earning a lot. That same year, I got one of my most precious rocks.

I felt young,powerful and rich.

Then a couple of days ago, I turned 32. And to me it was a very sad day. I felt Young but Useless.

I'm sorry this post seems depressing and ungrateful.

After 2 weeks of being a full time wife, I started feeling really sad. I got scared that the only things I will look forward to in life are birthday parties, dinner parties etc. I'm scared that I'll be doing arts and crafts and DIYs to occupy myself.

The strange thing is, I have dreamt and aspired of this very life. I wanted to be one of those women who just go to the gym at 9:00 am, have coffee, cook lunch, have afternoon tea, cook dinner. 

TV really made this life glamourous.

For 2 weeks, I did yoga, cooked, cleaned the house,  attended events, threw dinner parties. I feel it's too early for me to feel sad but I am.

The adrenaline from the wedding prep is gone by now. Reality has taken over.

There are girls who are so excited and so involve with their wedding. It's as if the wedding is the final encore. Their lives revolve around their day jobs and their wedding preps.

After having a close-to-epic wedding, I realize that real life is so much more different.

I remind myself how lucky I am. I live in a nice home that is not on mortgage. my husband provides everything. Best of all,he encourages me to do what I've always wanted to do and promises that he'll pay for it.

So, I stop myself from feeling depressed. I also don't understand my feeling. I feel useless. I used to do great things. I used to own the world.

Hoping I snap out of this soon. I'm scared that I'll upset God. He might take all my blessings away. 

Still on Pause,

L