My family is not perfect. As a matter of fact, I will classify them under the "Crazy" quadrant. My mom is a loud and funny probinsyana. My dad is a weirdo filled with wisdom. My brother is a vain, confident and suplado chef.
However, they are my family...in neurosis and in sanity. Even if we scream at each other and we fight, we hug it out afterwards.
With my in-laws, there will always be an "Invisible Barrier" that will separate us.
I will never be able to fully show that crazy side of me. I will always attempt to behave and be proper. I will never cry my heart out to them. I will never object to them openly. I will never share my darkest fears with them. No matter how frank and straightforward I am, a direct confrontation with my in-laws is something I wish to avoid in the near future.
The things that make me feel vulnerable, I reserve for my family. I definitely have no issue confronting my parents and my brother. Infact, just a couple of weeks ago, I cried to my mom. She comforted me by saying absurd things that were absolutely off-topic but it made me feel better nevertheless.
I learned that, to a large extent, tension among in-laws stems from this "Invisible Barrier".
Because we have to be proper and be polite, we just don't blurt out what we feel. By not being able to express our resentment, hurt or any negative emotions, we end up feeling stressed, frustrated and agitated.
I'm sure, if both parties feel secure enough to communicate openly, life will be so much easier.
When I was sad, I disappeared and my mother-in-law was worried. She told me, " I know I will never replace your mom but I'm here just incase you need me." I really appreciated that. To be honest, I consider myself blessed that I have her as my MIL. Walang choz yan.
Out of all of my husband's family and relatives, I only talk with my MIL and one SIL.
Before I got married, I invited my MIL for lunch to discuss our "Ways of Working". Yes! So corporate di ba.
If I have issues, I tell my husband and it's up to him how he tells his family. My MIL talks directly to me. If she corrects me, I don't take offense because this is what we agreed on.
STILL, it will take many many many many years, for me to reach that same level of comfort and familiarity with them as I have with my own family.
So, for all the new wives out there, it is pointless to compare your in-laws with your own family. They will never be at par. They will never be able to love you EXACTLY how you wish to be loved. They will never be able to understand you COMPLETELY. And you shouldn't take this against them.
Even if your family is a bunch of weirdos, they will always be the best for you.
It wouldn't be fair to compare apples to oranges.
Strangely cheerful today,
L
They are there because they're the parents of your husband. Nothing more and nothing less. Like what you said - they will never replace your real parents, so you will never be a *real* child. Haha! Tandaan, mahal ka lang nila kasi mahal ka ng anak nila. Period. Hahaha!!!
ReplyDeleteBut you're lucky - as your MIL is nice enough to say those to you. May iba diyan na extract revenge on their DILs. Tipong, yan - makakaganti na ako sa trato ng MIL ko dati, ngayon ito sa iyo. This is the stupidest thing ever, but it happens.
In fair, mabait and very soft spoken mother in law ko. When I got sick nga last week,super alaga ako. But they are just not as kalog as my parents so most if the time nahihiya pa Talaga ako.
DeleteI hear you, dear. I remember when my bf's mom learned about our relationship, she did not take it lightly (and so is my mom) i mean, common, homosexual relationship in a tsinoy family is a big no-no. however, things changed when during a family get together, my bf's mom all of a sudden was heaping food on my plate with a stern reminder that "if you want me to love you, you will eat the food in my house"
DeleteAng swerte nga ng moms of gay guys, they will get 2 doting sons.
DeleteMy MIL feeds me well. Very caring. Lagi ako may sibut and kefir. I really appreciate. She is really nice. I guess in general it really takes me a very long time to warm up. It also doesn't help that I don't speak Chinese so when we talk minsan context clues nalang ako. Next time, mag interpretative dance nalang kami.
Language barriers do make things difficult. My MIL is Cantonese, one time when she visited she taught me her formula - "konti patis, konti asukal, masarap na!" - this was delivered with a swish of her hands.
DeleteWhen she left, I got so frustrated because I couldn't get her formula right. What made things worse was that hubby kept complaining of the fishy patis smell and I tell him that his mom cooks with it all the time.
It wasn't until we went home a year later when I realized that by "patis", she really meant Lite Soy Sauce. (Toyo = dark soy sauce).
Minsan I feel din na it's better I also don't understand much. Parang blessing din. Less talk, less conflict ba
DeleteI'm #blessed to have super nice inlaws but yes, they can't replace the family I grew up with.
ReplyDeleteAko rin I'm very #blessed with a caring and generous mother and father-inlaw. But Iba talaga mga sense of humor and values etc. I know both are really trying to welcome me pero parang after a year jeje pa rin ako!
DeleteThe best advice is not to compare adapt to their values and sense of humor and in the long run you will see them as another family to love openly.
ReplyDeleteOo Iba Talaga parang city mouse vs country mouse! Kami ung country! Barangay jejemon so I don't really compare! Ang bait ng in-laws ko pero OP pa Talaga ako minsan
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