A couple of nights ago, we celebrated the birthday of my good friend who survived cancer. Last year, he was still in the US battling the disease and the year before that, he just found out he had it.
Needless to say, we were all all very happy.
We were seated beside a lovely couple and we eventually fell into a conversation. The husband shared that their marriage was really rocky and they were already at that point wherein they were cursing each other. He encouraged us to make God the center of our lives even before we get married.
What a blessing to hear those words! God really works in mysterious ways. He reminded us through new friends!
The husband continued how crucial it is to give your husband RESPECT. My dad tells me the same thing. And respect means that, the wife must allow him to make the last decision. She can suggest but she must allow him to lead.
I was so happy to be reminded. Reason is my North Star. There is no man or woman, no leader or follower. For me, everything is governed by rational logic. Which is why, I love it when people challenge me. Infact I really encourage debate.
The husband explained to me that it shouldn't always be the case because marriage is not corporate. He said that if we plan to work together, I can't separate work and home.
I must be a wife even at work. I will have to expect that things will get personal. I can't just show respect at home and be bullish and impersonal in the office.
There is so much that I have to unlearn. I am very professional. I can have a row with someone at work and grab a drink with him after office hours. For 10 years I was taught that those who take it personally are not fit to stay in corporate.
Many women may disagree with me but I was brought up by my parents to make my husband lead. The wife shouldn't always fix the problem. And it's even worst if the wife involves her parents to come to the rescue.
When I was leading my team, I stopped myself from solving their problems because I know that they'll be proud of themselves if they resolve those on their own. Solving their problems make them more confident and empowered.
However, outside of work, I tend to be more impatient.
I am my father's daughter and I take so much after him. I think like a man and act like one too. It's a struggle to be like SARAH, Abraham's wife.
I know that if I am to empower my husband to be a leader, I must first ALLOW him to lead our family. I must learn to RESPECT his decisions and not blame him if they turn out to be wrong. I must be patient and give him time to process, understand, make mistakes and grow.
My husband can't be powerful if I'm the one with the last word. My husband can't lead if I have my own strategy.
Mico, my GBF, is right. I must be my husband's cheerleader. He said that being a muse is a full time job.
During the last few weeks of my sabbatical, I can see my future-husband blossom into a more mature and driven businessman. He already was before we met but now he is thinking bigger.
Putting my life in his hands, gave him a bigger purpose.
Now...I have to learn how to be patient and and to allow him to make decisions and make mistakes along the way.
Respect, afterall is not just about being polite. It's about not challenging one's decision and ultimately, one's position.
Trust me when I say that it is very hard not to challenge and debate. Listening and supporting take so much times and maturity.
Still on Pause,
L
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