Grabe! Eto na ang hugot movie ng taon!! Wives, watch with your husbands! Hopefully after watching mag open up kayo ng feelings nyo sa isa't-isa. charot.
Relate ako sobra!!!
My husband doesn't share his stress and issues with me...willingly. Ofcourse, medyo heightened ang senses ko sa mga yan and I have a way of getting info through questions. Yan mga natutunan ko sa mga researcher friends ko sa industriya.
The way he sees it, he doesn't want me to worry. The way I see it, he just doesn't want to involve me because he doesn't value my opinions.
I told my mom about this and she told me that my dad never opened up to her that our business fell apart in 1982. He was very quiet at home. He never cried to my mom. He just prayed and quietly rebuilt his business. It was so bad that he wanted to close our store and just go to Taiwan and work in a factory. On her end, my mom never pestered him with questions. She paid for the household bills. She paid for her own prenatal check ups and even her own delivery. She bought my infant milk formula and everything I needed with her own salary from teaching. She never asked money from him. She knew something was wrong but she also didn't know enough to help.
I realize...perhaps...Silence is the best help we can give to our husbands.
The movie touches on this topic. Grabe and intense! If you are in a mature relationship, you will really understand and emphasize. If medyo nasa "pabebe" phase pa kayo, skip this movie.
Napaisip nga ako e.
How come even if I know for a fact that men have egos and it is my job to be a cheerleader, minsan I still criticize and correct? Matalino naman ako sa psychology and principles of behavioral economics. Still, there are days that I can't help but point out what went wrong, debrief my husband and brainstorm on the solution. As if task force meeting lang! Ofcourse there are times that he is not receptive. Dun, I will get frustrated and lose it. Lahat ng communication techniques ko natutunan sa Stephen Covey workshop, Baboosh.
My husband and I, we have a very open communication. Siguro magaling lang din ako mag facilitate (Oo ako na magaling! Haha).
He told me...
"When I do something wrong, I already know I am wrong. I already feel bad that I am wrong. You don't need to tell me that I am wrong. All I need you do to is tell me that everything will be okay
While I understand that, my training tells me, "Yes it is okay to be wrong but we have to process it so that it doesn't happen again."
Ah basta ang hirap! May times talaga that I hear myself talk like a project leader/coach/teacher and not a wife. Alam ko naman yan pero sometimes I can't help myself. Open naman ako. Sinabi ko naman yan sa nanay nya, sa nanay ko. Minsan kasi they wonder bakit bihira nalang ako sa office namin. I had to explain this dynamics.
I am very self aware na sa lagay na yan ha!
I make sure na my husband is ahead of me. I no longer have a senior job. Aware naman ako na if I continue with my career, medyo asshole din ako at mayabang. So I consciously took myself out of the game because I can't help but compete with my husband. Even in our business, I have to restrain myself and allow him to lead. In fairness,iba naman talaga kami ng skill set. That helps.
Unlike with my ex na same field kami. My ex once told me, "Nakaka-lalake ka talaga. You emasculate me". Syempre natuto na ang lola mo.
My husband is my "Second Chance" at love. Ay buti nalang at super upgrade to the max. Kaya I really try apply my learnings. Ah pero mahirap pa rin!
Minsan may nga couples dyan na di nag aaway. Hay sus. I'm sure hindi nag uusap mga yan. #bitter.
Minsan I attend weddings and I'm like... "Bwahahaha, kilig to det ka pa ngayon. Usap tayo after 5 years" #jaded
Oh sya! Go na! Watch na with your husbands! Tapus mag process kayo at mag open forum. Tapus mag reminisce kayo. Buy this book from www.milkandhoney.ph. Fill it up while having wine! Meron din ako. Ang ganda! Go buy na!
Sorry tagalog post. Effect ng Tagalog movie!
Sumesenti,
L
I always look forward to your postings, I read it at the start or end of the day. :-) refreshing and real, nakakadestress in a way. how do you emasculate a guy?-K
ReplyDeleteIn my case, when I was better at him at work and pointed it out. He felt less like a man if he is not better than me. I find that even my husband also feels the same way but he phrases it differently. If he is unable to take care of everything for me, he feels bad. If he needs to ask for my help, he feels weak. Ofcourse that is wrong logic because marriage is a partnership. But I learned this is a legit feeling that I must acknowledge and respect. Thanks for reading!
DeleteIsn't it interesting how some men fancy themselves to be macho-providers who take care and protect their families and yet, their egos are too fragile that women have to hold themselves back just to make their men feel good and secure ? Para bang conditional yung love / relationship, okay lang kayo kung mas magaling siya sa yo.
ReplyDeleteIn any case, I have to agree with you that it is a legit feeling and must be considered/respected. Just goes to show how important it is to find the right partner.
Medyo ass din kasi ako when I'm doing very well. I also point it it out in a fight. Na blu blurt out ko in the heat of the moment arguments. Kaya I figured, I had to take a step set for peace. Atleast that's what I learned from the previous.
DeleteI don't agree with the comments made by, Popcorn.
DeleteBased on her comments, I'm assuming she's a female. As such, she should consider the fact that both husband and wife have roles and expectations, whether society or self-imposed that affect how one view's oneself.
Assuming there are certain things that Popcorn cannot do... let's say for example, have a baby, something that she really wants, won't this affect her self worth? Isn't the default reaction of the husband is to, as Popcorn puts it, "hold themselves back just to make their (wo)men feel good and secure?"
I don't see any difference.
I don't agree that's what popcorn meant naman. It's just a reaction that there are SOME men who feels the need to lead to feel good about themselves. This is actually proven in psychology and is discussed and many marriage workshops. May mga lalakeng ganun lang Talaga.
DeleteAnd di ba popcorn said, that as long as i respect that feeling.
Personally, I like a guy provide for EVERYTHING., like my dad did. And I like to be with a man who leads. Pero for my partner to do that, I need to allow him naman.
In management, there are different ways to motivate a person. And in each marriage, may different dynamics Talaga. Ours is just the more traditional set-up.
some wives should really be put in their place
ReplyDeleteI'm on of those women who needs to be put in her place. Hahah! As what I told my mom, I finally found someone who can do that. But syempre I have to allow him to do that, if that's what I find "appealing"
DeleteA guy, who can't assert himself to me, I find really weak and meh.
It's not really confirming to tradition...it's more of what I find admirable. Cguro because I had a very strong father figure in my life.
But hanggang dun Lang naman! Wala namang BDSM level! Like I said, kanya kanyang trip. As long as Claro kayo sa isat-isa.
I know of a wife who didn't wanna let go of that part of life.. The husband couldn't take it anymore so he left... now the husband is remarried with 3 kids.. the ex-wife was sacked from work and is still looking for a new job
ReplyDeleteI have to be honest na minsan I miss that life. It's big money and lots of travel. Pero when my boss and friend died, it made me rethink my life. Kasi well, he was replaced naman sa work. So I figured... Un Lang pla un. You give up your life then you are so replaceable.
Delete