Monday, 8 June 2015

Just You and Me

Last night, I just felt so sad. I cried. I think my period is coming hence the surge of hormones  and overflowing of emotions.

I told my husband.. " I am so sad and depressed that I can't seem to have a baby."

In life, I'm so used to getting anything that I want. It's just a matter of hard work and perseverance. But baby-making seems to be the opposite.

After 5 months of trying, I am already feeling so defeated. I have been reading about infertility and the more I read, the more hopeless I feel. Some couple try for more than 3 years..some til 15!  

I  had myself checked and so far the initial tests show, I seem fine. My husband seems fine. If I want to do more tests, the more indepth tests are physically intrusive and I feel more violated.  

At this point, I'm not even sure why I'm stressing over this. 

Maybe because I am 33 this year...

I don't even know if I want a baby. I just know that I am suppose to have one. 

I have been hiding in the house for a few days now and I've been refusing to go out. 

I've always been the best. I've always been an achiever and this is one thing I seem to be failing at.

My husband said...

"Look, if it's just us then it's okay. I love you and I just want you to be happy. I didn't marry you for your uterus. If it comes, it's a blessing. If not, we are already blessed. 
We are fine, just you and me. "

Hopefully, I'm climb up out of this rabbit hole...



Needing optimism,

L


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5 comments:

  1. Anonymous8 June 2015 at 21:16

    Don't give up. Don't lose hope. Keep yourself busy. When it happens, it happens. The important thing is, he is by your side.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous10 June 2015 at 05:48

    Statistically its harder to conceive after you hit 30s that doesn't mean it is not possible. It just means it takes longer, also the more you stress about it the more likely it won't take. Hormones in your body which are affected by stress also have an effect on getting pregnant as far as I'm aware. The best thing to do is instead of focusing on my making a baby to concentrate on making love and enjoying each other as much as you can.

    Making a baby shouldn't be a goal, its the culmination of love and myriad other factors to combine and create a new life. All the best.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Didi10 June 2015 at 09:14

    My dearest L. I want to hold your hand and hug you and tell you everything will be okay. But you know what - you're lucky that S is there beside you. Cherish that moment! It's sweet of him to say that. Awww!!!

    Mishu dearly

    Love, Didi

    ReplyDelete
  4. stacy | crumpylicious.com11 June 2015 at 10:39

    You're just newly married. It's okay my auntie nga got preggy pa at 42.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. L11 June 2015 at 11:05

      Thanks Stacy. impatient Lang ako and praning

      Delete

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