The Nanny

My in-laws and my husband got me a nanny for my baby.

I never got to interview the nanny nor was I asked if I wanted one. Her services were hired to ensure that I get to rest during my ge lai. 

I only met the nanny after I have birth. My mother-in-law and my husband interviewed her.

Our new nanny brought her own uniform and prefers to wear them when she is working. Personally, I don't like it when employers make their helpers wear uniforms because I feel it's a way to set them apart from the family. 

But our nanny wants to wear her own uniforms... Maybe it makes her feel more professional.

Yes, she is really a professional. After all, she is a certified caregiver. She has an extensive experience under her belt. She has attended to infants,  elderly patients and even those under comatose.  

Needless to say, she knows more than me.

Occasionally, I feel jealous when I see her holding my baby or singing songs to her. But then, I also feel thankful that I can hand over the baby when I want to rest.

It's really a strange feeling...

The nanny is from Bacolod, so we both speak Ilonggo. Truth be told, I talk to her more than I talk to anyone else in this house...simply because we speak the same dialect. 

She told me her story that she has an 8 month old son back home in Bacolod. She is a single mom and she needed to leave home to provide for her son.

I feel  guilty when I see her take care of G knowing how painful it must be to take care of another person's child when you have one who needs you too.

Sigh...

Sometimes my empathy gives me more suffering than joy.

I told my husband that I plan to bring the nanny with us when we go home to Iloilo for Christmas. Then, I want her to go take the ferry to Bacolod so that she can spend Christmas with her son.

I have also started talking to some friends to ask how I can help our nanny find work abroad someday. It's good to have a career plan to keep talented people motivated. My husband will probably kill me if he finds out.

Resting,

L

Greetings from my Ge Lai Room

Nearly 2 weeks of no shower and no cold water.

So far, so good.

I stay in an air-conditioned room and I wear pajamas even if it's really hot outside. 

I wash my vagina with feminine wash and water. I take a sponge bath 2x a day and I use dry shampoo to clean my scalp.

So far, so good.

I eat a lot of chocolates and food laden with ginger and sesame oil.  We are making modifications on the traditional ge lai dishes because after eating the same thing over and over again, I lost appetite. 

We agreed that as long as the meat is "dyet" and we use "dyet" ingredients, we can modify the recipes.  For instance, I ate the liver as a sandwich instead of eating it as an ulam.

My sister in law also researched on Dyet and Tsin food. She learned that not  all fruits are "tsin". Apparently longgans are "dyet".

So that was a good discovery!

I wasn't initially allowed to drink water but our other Chinese friends told us that they had to drink water to be successful in breastfeeding. So, my mother in law eventually agreed.

But...my throat is craving for an ice cold sprite. I feel a thirst that no amount of O Tso Tong Sim or hot water can quench.

I look forward to going back to drinking cold water, showering and going home.

In the mean time, so far...so good.

Happy Sunday,

L

Our First Dance

When I was planning my wedding, I was very well aware that it was just one day celebration. So, I made it my mission that I make an "event" out of ordinary planning/preparation moments.

One of those prep moments was our dance rehearsal. 

We signed up for a 5 sessions at STUDIO 116 dance school to prepare for our first dance. My husband didn't want to look like a fool in front  of 400 people! 

The first lesson was fun. The fourth and the fifth lessons were stressful because my husband had trouble remembering the steps but we managed to laugh about his lack of dancing skills.

Our dance instructor was very good making a choreography out of very  simple moves. She made sure that the dance was entertaining but picture and video worthy at the same time.

We started out dance with an attention grabbing salsa then we did the foxtrot. My husband was so relieve he didn't step on my gown and we finished the dance with no mistakes.

Do you remember your first dance as husband and wife?

Reminiscing,

L

Studio 116 Dance School

Suite 135-B

Ground Floor, LRI Plaza

210 Nicanor Garcia Street (formerly Reposo)

Bel-Air II, Makati City

Phone: 895-5581

Mobile: Gemma (0917-5693931 or 0917-5694208); Brian (0917-5693958)

Email: inquire@studio116danceschool.com

Small Hands

Such a small hand...

But such a strong and loving grip...

As you held on my finger while you breastfeed, you captured my heart.

And in that moment, I knew that I am forever yours. 

My heart has officially split into 2. The other half goes to you.

Hay... Motherhood...

I feel so much love... that it actually aches.

Emotional wreck,

L

Breast Vampire

I haven't found a nicknames for Giuliana... We planned on calling her G because it's sounds cool. But the oldies can't seem to pull it off.

Anyway, G has been feeding every 2 hours. 3 if I'm lucky, 

That means, I sleep like a bird. 

G is like a physical vampire but instead of biting my neck, she bites my breast.

How are you guys?

Still alive,

L

Dear Giuliana

Dear Giuliana,

I can't stop looking at you. You look so peaceful when you sleep.

I wonder what you are thinking when you smile.

I feel sad that someday you will grow up and leave me...just like I left my family too...

I wish I can stop time. 

Even if I'm tired, I don't want to sleep because I don't want to miss a single thing. 

I don't want to give to your nanny. I don't care even if she ends up having nothing to do...I just want to be with you.

Please don't grow up so fast.

Time, please be kind to us. Slow down a bit.

Love,

Mommy

I Gave Birth

And just like that...light came out of my vagina and I had a baby girl.

I want to share my very exciting and unexpected delivery but I'm feeling too tired to weave a cohesive thought.

But in a nutshell, I had a vaginal delivery with epidural and episiotomy. It was not CS, as previously feared. Baby was born healthy at 5 lbs, 3 ounces  with a 9,9 APGAR score. 

I'm now here at my inlaws and I have officially started ge lai.

And yes.. l wash my privates with water and gyne-pro. I can't imagine those who follow strict  ge lai and really avoid  this. There is bleeding after delivery so you have to really wash to avoid infection.

It's also impossible to avoid washing your hands because when you wipe your privates everytime you go to the toilet. You need clean hand because you touch the baby during breast feeding. 

I will write separately about my ge lai experience and medications once I've completed my 30 days.

Thank you all for your prayers! I am alive and we are okay!

Grateful,

L

PS> the light on my vagina is called the peri light. The purpose is to help with the healing of the stitches. My vagina has sutures :( 

The Meaning Behind Her Name

When I was trying and failing repeatedly to get pregnant, my friend Ana shared this bible story with me. Every night, I read this story to myself and hoped for the same miracle. When I finally got a positive result, I decided to name my child Samuel if he's a boy and Samuelle (pronounced as Sa-Miu-Elle) if she's a girl because it means... " I asked God for you and He answered my prayer. "

By the18th week, I found out I'm having a girl. By this time, I also saw the first fine line on my face. Since God has been good to me, I asked God to preserve my youth. But God said, "Sorry dear, I can't make you young forever but you can feel young again through your daughter." And so, I decided to name the girl inside me, Giuliana (pronounced as Joo-li-ah-na) because it means "youth". It's the Italian version of Juliana.

And so, the full name of my daughter is Giuliana Samuelle and it's a name filled with meaning. I didn't name her after me or her father because she is her own person. We gave her a name that will tell the story of how God fulfilled a promise and refused a request through her. 

Thankful, 

L

Witnessed A Road Accident

Yesterday, on our way to the Fort, we witnessed an accident on the road.

A mist/silver/gray colored Toyota Corolla suddenly swerved and a motorcycle rider who was going straight wasn't able to hit the brakes quickly. The rider hit the rear of the Toyota Corolla and fell.

I saw the accident happen right before my eyes. It was so fast!

Life is Meaningless!

I think too much. That's why I'm thankful that I have a space to write down my thoughts and I have a husband who listens. 

I have seen and experienced too much in this life.  

Just to name a few:

1. My boss and friend of 4 years, suddenly died. He was 35.
2. My ex broke up with me, 5 months before our wedding. Everything was booked and "Save the Dates" had been sent out.
3. My dad had a mild stroke in 2007
4. My uncle had aneurism and I saw my cousin trying to revive him
5. Someone from church, caught myocarditis, went into coma and died a week before her wedding
6. Another friend got cancer when he was 31. 
7. My infertility issue

The good thing is I have seen that everything ended well for all  7 things I listed. I am a walking testimony of this verse:

Jeremiah 29:11

" For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Most of time though,  I'm surrounded with people with "lighter" life experiences.  I don't blame them. Truth be told, I consider them lucky. But, the more I'm surrounded with shallow people with shallow concerns, the more I wonder if I'm crazy. 

So, I was feeling empty and confused. I told my dad about this and he told me to read ECCLESIASTES. And I tell you, it really made me feel better.

Allow me to share the meaningful verses in that book. The headlines are my key take-outs.