Why I haven’t written in a long time

 I shifted to mobile phone and I couldn’t figure out how to blog from my phone! 

I’m lola! 

Then I shifted to Instagram 

And when you have a child parang time moves so fast! 

Anyone still reading this crap of a blog I started ??

Omg 2020

 Omg how are you!!!

I’m old na huhuhu

The Role of Marriage in The Chinese Afterlife

So, this is probably really odd that after not writing for almost a year, the first post I write is about death.

I'm not dying.

Not yet, anyway.

But I was reading this book and it suddenly dawned on me, why Chinese parents (in the olden days) married off their daughters even if they loved them dearly. Ofcourse, there were those who wanted to get rid of another mouth to feed but let us assume that half of the population loved their daughters.


In Chinese traditions, male descendants were entrusted to worship and care for the dead, who were believed to reside in the spirit tablet. Have you seen the Mulan? Remember the ancestor hall? Yun pala yun.


If heaven forbid, an unmarried woman was dying, she was not allowed to die in her family compound. My gulay. Hassle. Mamatay ka na lang lilipat ka pa!

Then her spirit table was not permitted to be enshrined in her family's ancestor hall.

That is why daughters need to be married, so that her husband or her descendants can put a red dot on her spirit tablet. Only then could she journey to join the band of ancestors, destined to watch over the clan. Assuming she wasn't a shitty person on earth. If she was, then she's end up in one of the many hells of the Chinese afterlife.

If an unmarried dies, with no spirit tablet to live in and no descendants to do offerings, she would end up as hungry ghost.

The Chinese believe that even in death, people experience human emotions: hunger, anger, jealousy etc. So the ghost, tom jones na tom jones na sila. And their clothes also experience wear and tear, that's why paper money need to be burned so that they can shop in the afterlife.

This also explains the practice known as the Ghost Wedding. May movie dyan, starring Kim Chiu. Perhaps, this will be another post.


Quite Freaked Out,

L

Love

When I was trying to have a baby, I wanted one because my husband is the eldest and the only son.  It was expected of him to have a child.

I thought it was my duty to provide one.

So I did as what any good wife is expected to do, I commanded my reproductive system to work overtime to develop a baby.

Hoy mga ovaries, mag trabaho kayo ng wagas.

I thought once I have a baby, life will be easier. People will no longer breathe on my neck and ask me questions like, "Wala pa ba?".

I was wrong.

When I gave birth, I felt this enormous amount of love and with it... came worry. 

Di ba when you have an item that someone gave you and you don't like it naman, you don't really take care of it. Bahala na kahit masira.  Kebs!

But when you love something, you take care of it, and you always check if it's okay.

I had so many realizations  in the 19 months that I have been a mother.

1. Have a baby because you want to love. 

And love as much as you can... regardless of the circumstance. 

2. Each day is a gift from God. 

Each day is an opportunity to love and experience love.

3. God owns our children. 

My baby is not mine. I only gave birth to her but she will have her own life.

4. God gives and God takes. God is sovereign.

 Realization  all these doesn't make any of it easier to accept. Ofcourse, I want life to be perfect and happy all the time.

My parents told me, there is uncertainty in life because we must be put in a position where we are thankful to God for our provisions. If we know everything, we will forget God.

Sigh...

So...

I start my day thanking God that the night went well. That everyone woke up alive. I pray for a good day ahead. I pray that God will protect my baby and my husband.  I pray for health and happiness. 

Then, at night, I thank God that the day went well and pray that He continues to bless my baby and my husband even in their sleep.

One day at a time.

I haven't been writing na because I'm no longer ON PAUSE. In fact, I barely get to pause and think.

My 1 year 7 month old baby is super active and super talkative. She can say over 300 words but her favorite word is ANGRY. 

She is always angry. Smiling and laughing but angry.

One time I asked her what she wants to eat, she replied, " Eat moon."  When I told her she can't possibly eat the moon, she said , "ANGRY!"

Last week we were in Disneyland, I asked her "Are you still angry?" She smiled and said, "Happy yay"

We can't leave her alone because she climbs in and out her crib. I am extremely grateful for her energy.

She is also a very loving human. She always goes to me and says " Hug mommy". 

She is also very appreciative. When she sees anything she likes she says, "Wow, Nice!" Nakakaganang pasayahin.

It makes me smile that she is starting to form sentences. Last night she told her dad, "Get another book."

 It's so nice to see her form her own thoughts, even if most of it seem silly.

She is particularly scared of men with mustaches. Every time  she'd see a picture of a bearded man she would say, " scarieee" or "takot."

Motherhood has been such an experience. So much love and paranoia that comes with love.

I wish I can say it has been smooth sailing but truth be told, I think it is slowly driving me to insanity.

I hope you are all well

(Belated) Happy Father's Day

Papa gave me a very tough training in life. I started working when I was 9 years old and I was constantly reprimanded when I didn't take work seriously. This instilled in me a work ethic that drives me to always deliver the best work. Although, this very same trait also makes me very intolerant of mistakes.

I have met many who are very rich and smart, yet they don't seem to take work seriously because they don't need to work. 

Papa said, when you feel anger, hatred and HUNGER...these are the greatest fuel to drive ambition to succeed and perseverance to work hard. 

He said, "Rarely will one aspire to succeed if one is happy and content with life. "That's what he believed in. 

So, when we graduated from school, papa said we have no place in our family business and we have to find our our purpose and build our own fortunes in life. He also took our credit cards and stopped our allowances. 

Without having anything to fall back on, I was forced to make something out of myself.

Without having an allowance, I learned how to budget. Without having a car, I learned to commute. Without having a fortune to inherit, I earned my own.

Some parents want their kids close because they expect their kids to take care of them in their old age. 

Papa wasn't like that.

He wanted us to be away from him so that when the time comes that the Lord will take him and mama, we will not be scared to face the world on our own.

As a parent, I realize that this mindset is very selfless. Ofcourse, I want to be with my daughter forever. But I learned that while this may be beneficial to me, it won't be for her. 

She needs to learn to survive. And survival is not a walk in the park. The fact that the entire theory of evolution is hinged on survival means it is a great undertaking.

So, to let me and Louie leave home to find our place in the world...is perhaps the greatest and most selfless thing papa ever did. 

I used to wonder if he doesn't love us enough for him to let us all leave home. Louie was sent away when he was only 11 years old. 

But now, as I meet more people who have money but are clueless with their lives, I learned that papa did a great thing. 

Painful but great.

So papa, I know you are celebrating Father's Day in Iloilo alone . I want you to know that we are out here, living independently and making sure that everything we do will make you proud.

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY PAPA

Hosting Gig

A couple of days ago,  someone stayed in our home. She is a good friend of mine and she really has a beautiful soul.

I really have no complaints.

Kaya Lang...

When she left out shower area was kind of "mapang-he". She showered in the baby's bathroom/guest banyo.

Amoy ihi sa pader levelz.

Super bilis ko lang pinaliguan si G kasi di ko keri ang smelz.

Ayan tagalog para just in case makita nya to di nya ma gets.

Kalerkey

L

Everyone Deserves to Celebrate Mother's Day

Yesterday, on my way to Landmark to meet a good friend from KL, I saw a Bench Fix salon. It gave me an idea to get a gift for our yayay. 

Our yayay also has a toddler in Negros. She had to leave him when he was only 7 months old because she has to work.

I feel guilty everyday that she spends time with my daughter instead of her own son. My husband constantly reminds me that we are helping and I shouldn't be sorry for her.

I'm any case, I feel it is only right that we both celebrate Mother's Day.  So she will be having her hair and nails done on the morning of May 14. I have already booked her salon appointment.

It seriously feels weird for me to enjoy Mother's Day while another mother is serving me and missing out on her own special day.

Or maybe I just think and feel so much.

How about you? What are your plans? 

Still hormonal and terribly missing all of you,

L

Filipino-Chinese Relationships: When do you say "Enough is Enough!" ?

A couple of days ago I received a very very very very long letter from a 21 year old Pinay girl who shared her story about her 23 year old Fil-Chi classmate/friend/ MU.

To make the long story short: 

She developed feelings. He reciprocated. His mom found out. The mother made really scary threats. They agreed to be friends with feelings for each other.

I actually do not know why she wrote to me. It seems that she has already made up her mind.

I know she was looking for a reassurance but how can I give one when the threats are extremely dangerous. 

I tell you, I have received so many emails about Filipino-Chinese relationships but the threats that she got are the lowest of the low.

Usually Fil-Chi parents threaten to disown their sons and daughters or cut off financial support and remove their inheritance. 

In the case of Financial Support, I usually say..."Go ahead and fight for it!". To begin with, you shouldn't follow your parents just because you want to be financially rewarded. you follow because you respect and love them.

To those who tell that they are torn between losing their family and losing the love of their life, I usually tell them to choose their family. Otherwise, their partners will have  very large shoes to fill in making them happy. It's like losing a half of your life and the other half will be working extra hard to make you whole again. It's unfair for the partner.

So when do you give up on the relationship? When exactly do you stop fighting for it?

1. First make sure that there is a relationship. 

Baka sa isip mo lang yan. Sure na sure ka ba na mahal ka nya? As is super dooper love? Kasi ako love na love ko rin ang egg tart ng Kumori pero pag walang stock na, ok pa naman ako.

2. If you receive threats that will endanger your life, your family and your sanity.

Hindi na uso nang Romeo and Juliet drama. There are so many men and so many women out there. WAG MONG IPILIT ANG SARILI MO SA PAMILYANG AYAW SAYO. Have some self respect and self love please!

3.  If you have waited more than 7 years! 

Sa marriage nga may 7 year itch eh.

4.If you are female and 27 and you still haven't been introduced to his parents.

Remember you have a biological clock. Ang eggs po natin ay hindi unli.

5.  If the guy/girl breaks up with you but still asks you to be his/her friend.

Ano ka libreng GRO? Libreng Shrink?  Libreng emotional crutch? And worst, ano ka para-usan ng sexual needs nya? Haller!

6. If you are continually ask to change or improve.

You don't need to be "MORE" successful so that she/he can introduce you to her/his parents. Truth be told, kahit gaano ka pa ka successful sa work mo, they will always have their bias against you.

Lover boys and lover girls, I want to tell you something very important.

Parents, in general, want their children to marry well. This is particularly true for FIL-Chi parents. 

There is a a mindset that if my son/daughter marries well, it means that something I made was valued by others. Which is why, some moms cry when their daughters get shitty Ting Hun jewelries. 

While this sounds very selfish, sadly it is a human flaw that  you also find validation of your own self worth through your children. This is in the same league as parents bragging when their children do well in school or parents being ashamed when their children f*ck up. Normal emotions po yan. Just different manifestation depending on different cultural norms.

So ask your self...

Maganda/Gwapo ka ba?

Do you come from a good family?

Are you a good catch? 

Why?

If you are his mother/father will you like yourself to be his GF/BF?

Why?

If you seem confident that bongga naman ang credentials mo pero ayaw ka nila..

THEN MOVE ON NOH! 

You obviously think you are good enough and if they can't see that...

then..

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.

This is not just for Fil-Chi relationships. This applies to any relationship!

yun lang po,

L

New Underwear for Chinese New Year

One of my many Chinese New Year traditions is to wear new underwear on the first day of the lunar new year.

New beginnings daw yan.

Since I don't really have any idea what day of the week it is na because I've so busy with the baby #bangag, I only got my CNY must-haves on the eve of CNY mismo. I went to the mall right after the CNY dinner with my husband's parents.

Ay sus, since eto nalang na abutan ko sa Marks and Spencer sale...eh di see-though bra and panty ang lola mo nung pumunta sa temple.

#wagas

Mura lang yan. Ung panty sale, so 175 nalang. Ung bra, sale din 300 nalang! 

Oh sya, HAPPY YEAR OF THE ROOSTER

Time Flies!

I can't believe I am already planning for Baby G's first birthday!!! Where did the time go???

I am with my daughter every single day and yet time still moves so fast.

Baby G is already 9 months old. She is quite a handful. As I am writing this quick post, she is crawling and climbing up furnitures and walls...

See what I mean?

My milk supply has also decreased since she started on solids. So I have been trying to pump every 2 hours. 

My day is pretty much divided between chores, playing, pumping and breastfeeding.

I'm also interviewing for a job in Singapore. Hmmm....

How are you guys na? I miss you all!!

L

How are you?

Gosh I have been very delinquent in writing! 

My baby is already 7 months and is standing. She is very malikot. She even pulls to stand while breastfeeding. 

Then she has started screaming and shrieking.

She actually started babbling at around 2.5 months and  started jabbering "mumumum" (albeit infrequently) by the end of 4th month. After that she seemed very happy and quiet. That actually worried me.  (I have lots of worries) 

She was more interested in making weird razzling sounds and moving around. But she would let all her consonants and her voice out when she was complaining. 

Then at exactly 7 month she just started shrieking.

So imagine a malikot and a happy shrieking baby.

My hands are full.

Imagine me lying down to breastfeed and her drinking my breastmilk as if she is sipping buko juice from a coconut. She feeds either kneeling or standing. 

You know, every morning when I wake up...I thank God for the night and every night before I sleep, I thank God for the day. I have so much happiness, sadness, fears and gratefulness that my head hurts from all the emotions I feel...

Have you all read the book "Someday" and "Wish?"

Gosh, grabe. Iyak ako talaga.

Xoxo,

L

Tupperware

Has it been more than a week since I last posted?! Grabe! Time flies!!!! Too fast! too fast!

Anyway...this will be a quick one.

I really don't know how to be plastic. I just can't do it. If there's someone that I don't like, I can't bring myself to be around them. 

Perhaps I can naman for a few hours but it really causes me stress.

 It's like every molecule in my body moves fast and starts overheating.

Is there anyone is particular that has this same effect on you? How do you deal with it?

Xoxo,

L

Brunch for Less

If we dine out for brunch, we normally would spend around 1,000+. Sometimes I feel bad for paying a hefty price for something I can easily make at home.

So this morning, I prepared brunch.

Nothing fancy. 

I made blueberry pancakes using Maya's pancake mix. The tip on how to make them fluffy is to separate the egg white and egg yolk. Then you beat the egg whites until it stiffens and you fold it into the pancake batter.

The sausage, I got from Earl's Delicatessen. The sandwiches are just Tuna Sandwhiches that I grilled.

Masarap naman lahat!

I had 2 leftover pancakes. One I already packed for my husband's baon tomorrow. The other I gave to the yaya.

I made a konteng echoz in presentation. Leftover na nga e. The least I can do is to make it visually pleasing.

Xoxo,

L

My First Hermès

Actually Herpes yan e. Fake.

Jokes.

My husband gave me an Hermès Evelyn Bag for my 34th birthday. 

It felt quite strange to receive this because we had a tampuhan a couple of days before my birthday. It's worth noting I'm always cranky and depressed everytime I turn a year older.

This is a very generous gift so I'm very grateful. Pero sabi nya, wala na akong gift sa Christmas.

This beautiful bag now rests comfortably inside the cabinet. I don't go anywhere fancy. I only go across the street to do my groceries.

OA naman if naka Hermès ako to buy gulay.

I don't really buy expensive bags. I own a few lang.

BUT! I indulge myself in expensive shoes... which I also never wear. Minsan pag sa bahay, I wear my Ferragamo pumps. Hirap na magasgasan sa labas. Cheap ko talaga!

I don't buy expensive stuff to impress others. I buy them and I look at them. Kung baga for my own satisfaction only. Weird no?

Xoxo,

L

Desired Response

In marketing, when you make an ad it is important that you are clear with your DESIRED RESPONSE from your material. 

After watching your TV commercial, do you want your audience to..

- Buy your product versus competitor

- Buy more of your product (from small pack to big pack)

- Try the new product /variant

- Find a new usage for an existing product

...and many more.

There are many TV commercials, print ads, billboards that does nothing more but bring awareness. That's it. They spent millions for something that will not really lead to action/purchase.

As an individual, I always keep in mind this principle of "Desired Response". 

If I have a problem, I think twice before I share it with others because I always ask myself..."What response do I want to hear from them?" As I result, I usually share some problems with people who I know are credible enough to give me advice or assurances. I don't go around sharing my woes to everyone.

If I plan to comment, I also think twice before I say anything. "Will this comment be well received by the person?" , "Will this comment improve the quality of my life?" Depending on my answer, I will package my words to get my desired response.

In short...I am always calculating when it comes to my words.  I think about my desired response, my target audience and my key point before I say anything.

While this is a very good thing, I occasionally use this insightfulness to hurt.

If my desired response is to break ones spirit or to rip apart ones soul, I always find the perfect words to scar someone for life.

The best thing I do however is to keep silent. With silence and distance, the desired response is almost  too confusing. How can you hate someone who is silent? How can you hate someone who doesn't do anything bad nor good? 

Last night I asked my husband, "Many moons ago, when you told your friend what I told you about her husband what was your desired response from her? How did you want her to react to what I told you in confidence?  Did you want her to get mad at me? If she got mad at me, would who have left me?"

He said, "Honestly, I wasn't thinking. I just blurted it out of anger."

There in lies that problem with most people. When people get too emotional, they say things without thinking of the outcome.

Like when some women complain about their boyfriends or husbands. They make their partners look bad and yet they are unwilling to leave them.

To the person listening to them, they will appear weak. How can you choose to stay with someone who cheats and hurts you?

In short, if you don't plan to take any action except to rant, best to keep quiet because what you say can reflect badly on you.

That being said...I hope the next time you talk, you think twice or thrice about your desired response. Then you choose your audience and then weave your words in such a way that you can get the response you are aiming for.

Remember what you say, helps people form their opinion of you.

Xoxo,

L

Start Them Young

My mom told me a girl who can't do household chores won't make a good wife. That was her view of women...

So she taught me how to do my chores at such a young age.

Here's a picture to prove it...

Xoxo,

L

Yayaless in Iloilo

This Christmas, we are going to Iloilo with the baby. I planned it in such a way that the nanny can take a ferry and celebrate Christmas with her son too. It has been nearly a year since she last saw him.

The tickets are now crazy expensive, 5,500 per head. If I didn't book early, it can cost me as much as 8,000php/pax.

Now, that'll be the first and the longest time that we will be yayaless and someone indirectly expressed her concern that I may not be able to handle the baby on my own.

According to my own mother... "If you know how to make one, surely you should know how to take care of it."

I agree. 

I'm a very hands-on mom. I know how to bathe, feed, carry and take care of my own baby.  Sure, there are somethings I don't know. Like...what is the best way to cure rashes and those things I learn from the yaya. But I do know the basics of child rearing.

There is such a big difference from the previous and this generation of parents. In the past, they real mostly on yayas and baby formulas. Nowadays, breastfeeding is the norm and direct latch feeding is preferred. Yayas also don't stay long so moms are more hands-on in preparation of their abrupt departure.

My mom taught me how to cook, clean, wash and iron clothes, budget expenditures and how to care for a baby even before I got married. Unlike most Fil-Chi girls who grew up sheltered and provided for...I grew up as if I was trained to be a Spartan!

My biggest flaw lies in my emotional maturity and my default reaction to escape from problems. But if we talk about the "basic deliverables" of being a wife and mother, rest assured I know my craft.

Xoxo,

L

Breasts and Breastfeeding

They say it's a myth that breastfeeding will cause your breasts to sag. They say pregnancy and genetics are the culprits and your breasts will sag regardless if you breastfeed or not.

Well, I think this is untrue. I think breastfeeding really had an impact on the shape of my breasts.

Because I'm right handed, I automatically breastfeed on my right. I think when I'm on autopilot mode, I just let my right boob out everytime my baby cries. 

After almost 7 months of absentmindedly feeding on my right, my right boob is noticeably bigger and lower than my left. In Ilonggo we call this "bingkong".  How do you say this in Tagalog?

I can't blame anyone for this. I've been warned. A breastfeeding counselor from La Leche went to the house to teach me how to breastfeed properly. But, I tell you at 3 am, pag hibang ka na, feeding is very instictual. Wala ng right position position.

I still direct feed until now. That's because I'm too lazy to pump.

I don't regret the effect on my breasts. It's one of the things I have to sacrifice for motherhood. 

Xoxo,

L

DIY Lady Bug Costume

Our nanny worked like an elf working through the night to prepare Baby G's Lady Bug Costume. (Reference: The Elves and the Shoemaker)

She only used a roll of electrical tape, scissors, a few scraps of paper, cotton and food coloring.

1. The Red Pajama set is Baby G's existing pantulog. She just used electrical tape to make the dots.

2. The antennae was done using a black head band with rolled up paper wrapped in electrical tape. The tip was cotton dipped in food coloring.

To complete the look, Baby G will we wearing a Beatrix Lady Bag backpack.

See! Our nanny is so talented. I also consider myself lucky to have her.

Xoxo,

L

Friends and Acquaintances

In life, we will meet many people. Many of whom will become our acquaintances. These are people with whom we will have shallow relationships with. These are people who we can only discuss the weather and other superficial current events.

Only a few will become our friends. 

Friends are those who we can share our joys and sorrows with. Friends are those we can run to when we have good news to share and those we can run to when we need to be comforted.

In friendship, it is not the good times that will lay the foundation of the relationship. It is the most unfortunate events that will determine the status and the future of our friendship.

Many people will not know what to say or do to a bleeding heart or a troubled soul. 

I will remember to the grave all those people who stayed and comforted me during the difficult times of my life. I have had plenty of those times.

To those who said the wrong things or did nothing, I think it's best if we keep a little distance between us. 

Like what I said, "mahirap mag move on"

How about you? Do you remember the people who were there for you at your lowest? Make sure you don't forget them during your moments of happiness.

Xoxo,

L