Tuesday, 31 January 2017

Filipino-Chinese Relationships: When do you say "Enough is Enough!" ?

A couple of days ago I received a very very very very long letter from a 21 year old Pinay girl who shared her story about her 23 year old Fil-Chi classmate/friend/ MU.

To make the long story short: 

She developed feelings. He reciprocated. His mom found out. The mother made really scary threats. They agreed to be friends with feelings for each other.

I actually do not know why she wrote to me. It seems that she has already made up her mind.

I know she was looking for a reassurance but how can I give one when the threats are extremely dangerous

I tell you, I have received so many emails about Filipino-Chinese relationships but the threats that she got are the lowest of the low.

Usually Fil-Chi parents threaten to disown their sons and daughters or cut off financial support and remove their inheritance. 

In the case of Financial Support, I usually say..."Go ahead and fight for it!". To begin with, you shouldn't follow your parents just because you want to be financially rewarded. you follow because you respect and love them.

To those who tell that they are torn between losing their family and losing the love of their life, I usually tell them to choose their family. Otherwise, their partners will have  very large shoes to fill in making them happy. It's like losing a half of your life and the other half will be working extra hard to make you whole again. It's unfair for the partner.

So when do you give up on the relationship? When exactly do you stop fighting for it?

1. First make sure that there is a relationship. 
Baka sa isip mo lang yan. Sure na sure ka ba na mahal ka nya? As is super dooper love? Kasi ako love na love ko rin ang egg tart ng Kumori pero pag walang stock na, ok pa naman ako.


2. If you receive threats that will endanger your life, your family and your sanity.
Hindi na uso nang Romeo and Juliet drama. There are so many men and so many women out there. WAG MONG IPILIT ANG SARILI MO SA PAMILYANG AYAW SAYO. Have some self respect and self love please!

3.  If you have waited more than 7 years! 
Sa marriage nga may 7 year itch eh.

4.If you are female and 27 and you still haven't been introduced to his parents.
Remember you have a biological clock. Ang eggs po natin ay hindi unli.

5.  If the guy/girl breaks up with you but still asks you to be his/her friend.
Ano ka libreng GRO? Libreng Shrink?  Libreng emotional crutch? And worst, ano ka para-usan ng sexual needs nya? Haller!

6. If you are continually ask to change or improve.
You don't need to be "MORE" successful so that she/he can introduce you to her/his parents. Truth be told, kahit gaano ka pa ka successful sa work mo, they will always have their bias against you.

Lover boys and lover girls, I want to tell you something very important.

Parents, in general, want their children to marry well. This is particularly true for FIL-Chi parents. 

There is a a mindset that if my son/daughter marries well, it means that something I made was valued by others. Which is why, some moms cry when their daughters get shitty Ting Hun jewelries. 

While this sounds very selfish, sadly it is a human flaw that  you also find validation of your own self worth through your children. This is in the same league as parents bragging when their children do well in school or parents being ashamed when their children f*ck up. Normal emotions po yan. Just different manifestation depending on different cultural norms.

So ask your self...

Maganda/Gwapo ka ba?
Do you come from a good family?
Are you a good catch? 
Why?
If you are his mother/father will you like yourself to be his GF/BF?
Why?

If you seem confident that bongga naman ang credentials mo pero ayaw ka nila..

THEN MOVE ON NOH! 

You obviously think you are good enough and if they can't see that...

then..

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.

This is not just for Fil-Chi relationships. This applies to any relationship!

yun lang po,

L

Monday, 30 January 2017

New Underwear for Chinese New Year

One of my many Chinese New Year traditions is to wear new underwear on the first day of the lunar new year.

New beginnings daw yan.

Since I don't really have any idea what day of the week it is na because I've so busy with the baby #bangag, I only got my CNY must-haves on the eve of CNY mismo. I went to the mall right after the CNY dinner with my husband's parents.

Ay sus, since eto nalang na abutan ko sa Marks and Spencer sale...eh di see-though bra and panty ang lola mo nung pumunta sa temple.



#wagas

Mura lang yan. Ung panty sale, so 175 nalang. Ung bra, sale din 300 nalang! 

Oh sya, HAPPY YEAR OF THE ROOSTER





Thursday, 26 January 2017

I Miss My Family and Friends

As the Chinese New Year approaches, I feel homesick. It's quite hard to truly identify where home is because while my family lives in Iloilo and my friends are scattered all over the world.

I've been married for close to 3 years now but I don't feel any closer to my inlaws. On the contrary, I feel the relationship has significantly regressed. 

When S and I started dating, I really did my best to extend myself. I asked his sisters out. I invited his mom to have our nails done. I gave gifts. I tried to host small home dinners. But when those few attempts were not reciprocated, I lost interest. 

In fact, one of the sisters never even sent me one viber message to ask how I was (or even just to say Hi) during the course of my pregnancy. 

I also feel that I can't really share my fears or worries with them...only superficial happy things. So that's only one side of me. I'm not happy all the time. Are you?

To make matters worst, I'm not proficient in speaking Chinese.

One very important thing that one should now about me is...I never beg for affection or companionship. So if my attempts go unreciprocated, I am very quick to stop. It's not worth the disappointment.

My mother-in-law wants all of us to be close. I want to tell her that being close requires effort (and chemistry!) and it is not a "default mode" especially when the background is very different.

I have done casting for many ads so I know chemistry when I see one.  And I know that chemistry is something I don't have with this family.

To be fair, even with missing chemistry, my MIL genuinely shows her care in her own way. She sends food and is always physically there when I need her.

However, with the rest of the family...we can all sit on the same table and I have nothing to talk about. 

And I'm a very good conversationalist na ha..but I just don't feel like it. It feels awkward. I don't feel comfortable. 

I have a different sense of humor from my inlaws too.   My mom thinks it is hilarious when get candies from the buffet. My MIL is more proper so she corrects me. Both are good people. Just different.

Recently, my sisters-in-law have been trying to reach out to me. They now give me gifts when they travel. However, I feel it's a bit contrived because it started when my husband told them how distant I feel towards them.

Truth be told, I seem to have lost interest.

The ball is on my court.  

But I still don't feel like picking it up. It doesn't feel natural kasi. It's as if they are just obligated to have me around to complete the picture, figuratively speaking.

I'm not really complaining. I have promised myself that as long as my baby is okay, I am grateful for each day.

I guess I  miss my home, my family and my friends. I feel I haven't laughed out loud in quite a while.


Nostalgic,


L



Sunday, 15 January 2017

Time Flies!

I can't believe I am already planning for Baby G's first birthday!!! Where did the time go???
I am with my daughter every single day and yet time still moves so fast.

Baby G is already 9 months old. She is quite a handful. As I am writing this quick post, she is crawling and climbing up furnitures and walls...


See what I mean?

My milk supply has also decreased since she started on solids. So I have been trying to pump every 2 hours. 

My day is pretty much divided between chores, playing, pumping and breastfeeding.

I'm also interviewing for a job in Singapore. Hmmm....

How are you guys na? I miss you all!!

L